anyone online....am sobbing. DD1 wnet to pics with friends, they plied her with alcohol, and the police found her slumped on the beach alone, with no shoes or cardie, compley drunk, and bag stolen

[psychomum5]

containing her purse, mobile and new ipod touch that I bought her with my car accident money.

she is not rousable and shaking or vomiting.

help please

just read this thread hope your dd is ok this morning

morning all.

she is ok. DH sorted her in the end, I needed to sort out DS2 as he woke poorly just as we were trying to work out how to get her up and in the car (wasn;t wanting to do 999 altho NHS direct said that it was actually a warrented situation).

i have been on the settee with said boy, then DH got me up to bed at 5.30 when they got back.

she is ok. sore head, but it has all just been alcohol (cider, the teens haven;t changed it seems since I was one).

I am right now beyond livid, she has broken something inside me. I was slowly giving her more leeway, later curfew etc. this was her first time getting home on her own, this is what she does

anyway.

I have a birthday boy to try and get happy for, will be back later.

Message withdrawn

Happy birthday to your DS, tis a right of passage, we have all done it, cant imagine what uit is like from the other side though, will be a long time till I have to face that one.

Go a bit easy on her, she was just being 15.

She doesn't understand how vulnerable she is like you do. This opens up a pretty good opportunity to talk to her about the dangers of alcohol when she will actually listen

You poor thing, what a night you've had.

we have done pressies and DH and the boys are now setting up goals in our lounge......why did I buy them, they are HUGE!!

as for DD1, well.........I will no doub be coming here to vent and ask advice later on how to deal with it.

the 'broken' comment from me is the trust thing, and the simple fact that for about 2hrs I knew that something had happened (call it mothers intuition if you like), but had DH and the friends mum telling me that all would be ok, stop panicking, why am I panicking, they have never done anything to warrant the panic etc etc, and then she IS located, and the story of her being found half-concious on the beach, and my imagination went into over-drive, and in fact hasn;t stopped

I am TRYING to see this as a normal teenage thing, and am trying to let it go (well, with a punishment on the lying obviously), and just letting the hang-over and the scare witht eh police and A&E do the rest.

but

I am not at that stage yet!

I am all for grouding her until she is 18. obviously that is not practical OR fair, but anger and fear as battling inside, and I am not feeling practical or fair.

oh, and she is going to be pretty poor for a few months, as pocketmoney is stopped until the mobiles and iphone is payed for.

will be back

Two things

does your contents insurance cover her ipod etc

and WHY did her friends leave her there?? They are the ones I'd be fuming at, really.

Ditto the friends abandoning her. Definitely NOT friends in my book. And please contact their parents if you know who they are - the other kids involved should accept some responsibility IMO. How they thought it was acceptable to leave an inebriated 15 yr old alone on a beach is beyond my comprehension

Psycho, sorry to hear this has happened to your dd, I am glad she is ok (well apart from the headache and roasting she will get )

I know you are pretty raw right now but I just wanted to say that, having our trust broken and being let down by our children is a right of passage we parents have to go through, just like not knowing when to stop drinking and ending up rather overdone is a teenagers right of passage.

I agree about replacing the IPod and Phone etc but I just want you to not take it so badly for yourself, when I think back to the number of ways I dissapointed and upset my parents as a teenager it makes me cringe now. However I was just a normal teenager, overdid the alcohol once and never did it again etc.

I know the fear is a large part of it but it makes me really sad for you both to hear that your trust is broken. She messed up but you know she is a good girl, you know she is trustworthy. This is one mistake, she will make others but please don't feel all that trust is gone after just one incident.

No, the friends did a terrible thing, but the op can only deal with her own daughter.

Making this about the fact that she was abandoned (by presumably similarly young, foolish and pissed friends), rather than about the fact that she got herself into such a state that she couldn't look after herself, will teach her nothing.

The friends' parents must desk with them.

oh psycho, I have only just seen this

I'm so sorry this has happened
I dont have teenagers and to be honest I am terrifed of when mine get to that age.
really have nothing to say that could help

I'm very glad she is ok

lots more

Agh stupid computer - DEAL with them, is what I meant

Poor you psycho. What a night.

I think that you're right to make her use her pocket money to contribute to the cost of the missing items though I would also check your contents cover, perhaps without letting on to her if it turns out that you are covered.

I think that you need to sit down and talk to her about it only once you are sure that you can stay calm and rational, so maybe today you should just say to her "dd, we need to talk about your behaviour last night but today I am too upset and do not want what you did to spoil ds's bday so we will talk tomorrow. You can think about what you did and how you will have to work to regain our trust." I would put the emphasis on her thinking about her behaviour and how it's affected you and the risky stuation she put herself in.

Good luck.

I may be flamed for this, but here we go, why is his the fault of the friends, i assume she can think and act for herself, and at 15 she is able to assess right from wrong.

Also don't be too hard on her, she will have learnt her lesson, she will be scared and embarrassed not only from you but the said friends, especially if her mum is going to go around saying it was their fault not hers. Shes home shes safe, let her know thats whats important, let her know she can trust you when she makes a misake, you will help her and advise her, not give her a serious telling off, none of us ever learnt a thing from grounding or a yelling match. I learnt my lessons from my own mistakes and how hey affected me, not from my mum shouting.

Flaminhell, no-one is saying it is her friends fault, they are saying that her friends should have known better than to leave a drunk 15yo girl alone on the beach - which they should. Basic rules of drinking I am afraid, don't leave someone alone when they are incapable.

Well I'm just thinking of my 14 yr old son and his mates. They go out together, they stick together, if one of them got into trouble (as happened recently with a couple of older lads), they don't ditch each other. I know the girls here were all pissed but surely there's still some kind of moral code where you don't leave one of your mates in a drunked stupor . Psycho's daughter made a mistake by a) getting pissed at 15 (but I'm sure we've all done that) and b) by allowing herself to be so vulnerable (but she's 15 and at 15 I thought I was invincible). I simply can't get over the fact that her 'mates' left her, sorry

Oh definitely don't shout at her. My mother was always shouty and nasty if I messed up and it did no good at all, just antagonised the situation. I always wanted to point out that no one shouted at her and told her she was stupid if she messed up. I knew that I'd done something stupid she always just mde it worse.

Be calm and speak to her like an adult.

Huge hugs Psycho. How horrible for you. So scary.

Blimey Psycho, sounds like you had a nightmare night.

Hope that you're all ok today.

just been on the phone to DD1's best friends mum.......she is as mortified as me!

I am not blaming any one person....they lied, got drunk (normal teenage stuff, I did it myself), then somehow the other two got seperated from my DD, who as she is smaller than them is less able to handle the alcohol, and as b'mouth is so big, of course they went off different directions, and DD1 was found collasped.

tis the way she was found that is upsetting me

right, have birthday stuff to do. I will be back periodically when I need excape from trying not to kill her!!

OMG Psycho hope you are ok,
I think maybe the silent treatment for awhile let her think it over,
there is nothing worse than not being told off when your a teenager means your in big trouble!

if she is sensible she will be shitting herself and probably won't ask to go out for a week or 2 anyway

hope ds enjoys his birthday

Gosh Psycho mum how awful for you. I remember doing stuff like that as a teenager as well. Hope you have a good day.

The bit of parenting we all dread. I am "glad" it is just a hangover - she was very lucky!

Hope you are OK and your ds has a great birthday.