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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD - bitchy comments on facebook

20 replies

SnoweyOwl · 15/04/2009 10:19

I have just come on the PC and DD (14) had left her facebook logged in. I had a quick look on it and she had commented on a photo of a girl from school that one of her mates had put up.

She put:

"Ewww it's piggy Lauren! that girl is sooo fucking ugly"

her mates laughed along and made similar comments and DD then added the following comment:

"She's always mouthing off at skool and being cheeky to the popular lasses, hope she gets her head kicked in cos I know whos gonna do it"

I'm livid. I've not brought it up with her yet because I'm not sure how to handle it but who the hell does she think she is?? "being cheeky to the popular lasses" as if they're somehow superior to her and her little buddies.

This is not an isolated thing with her but this really made me feel ashamed to call her my daughter

How would you go about handling this? I can't just ignore it.

OP posts:

Original poster

SnoweyOwl · 15/04/2009 10:21

sorry that should say "somehow insuperior"

because by "popular lasses" she means herself and her friends.

OP posts:

noddyholder · 15/04/2009 10:22

I think you need to have a good talk with her.Although as soon as your back is turned she will be rolling her eyes etc etc but it will sink in and give her something to think about.I have found saying i am disappointed in ds highly effective.Let down ashamed we didn't think you were that sort etc all work for me.It is horrible though when you see your child do something like this for the 1st time I hate facebook etc for this reason

EffiePerine · 15/04/2009 10:23

ban computer for a week? If she can't use it responsibly...

this is bullying and needs to be sorted (as I'm sure you will)

ShowOfHands · 15/04/2009 10:24

That's awful. I'm so sorry for you. I hope that it's a big bravado thing and you can nip it in the bud.

Is her fb still up? Can you sit her down when she comes in, with the picture in front of her and see what she says.

That poor girl at her school.

Appropriate punishment? I have no idea.

EffiePerine · 15/04/2009 10:24

could you also talk to her school? Isn't cyber bullying taken v seriously these days?

poopscoop · 15/04/2009 10:25

Remove her from facebook. She is obviously cyberbullying and needs to be sorted now. You don't want her in trouble with the police which, if this other girl wants to report it, is free to do so.

Poor you though, bloody kids!

yama · 15/04/2009 10:26

Can 'Lauren' see these comment? If so, it may become a police matter.

LtEveDallas · 15/04/2009 10:32

Remove her Facebook. Forever. She is underage anyway, and has shown you she cannot be trusted to have a FB Page.

This is very definately Cyberbullying and it is taken very seriously these days. 'Lauren' will be able to see these comments thru the page of the friend that put the photo up. Thats why the bullies do it.

Sorry but this makes me amd . My neice was bullied, firstly through BeBo then FB (same people followed her). She became suicidal and we damn near lost her - sorry Snowey, I'm not having a go, but your dd MUST be made to understand the damage she could cause.

yama · 15/04/2009 10:35

SnoweyOwl - probably better that you go to the school before they contact you.

FairyMum · 15/04/2009 10:38

Remove her from FB

poopscoop · 15/04/2009 10:40

I know that the police advise people to print off these comments as evidence, she will be in serious shit if this other poor childs parents see it.

I would most certainly be taking action if my child were Lauren. This is not having a go at you at all, just wanting you to deal with it swiftly. She should not be allowed on the PC without your being present and get her off all these chat sites etc. Just allow homework, studies on it until she is old enough to use it properly.

bamboostalks · 15/04/2009 10:57

Not saying that this acceptable in any way but this is totally standard for teenage online behaviour. If you checked many accounts they will contain very nasty comments. They are the kind of comments that people make verbally but forget that they are more accountable online. I have seen far more vicious comments than this, schools are really very powerless in the face of this and police (whilst may give a good telling off) will also be loath to take action. There are thousands of cases similar that are brought to their attention. They do not have the resources to follow up unless a specific threat of harm has been made.
Just wanted to put it into perspective, this is the type of material that all our children are facing every day. We really have very little idea of our children's lives online, however much you feel that you do. I guarantee that each and everyone of us would be shocked by the content of anyone 10 and above.

TrinityIsGettingABabyRhino · 15/04/2009 10:58

she isn't underage but I would ban her for a certain amount of time

and tell her about why bullying is wrong

noddyholder · 15/04/2009 11:01

bamboo is right This sort of thing is rife better to talk to her about why it is wrong and the consequences for the bullies and the bullied than lost it with her.Banning is pointless they all have computers etc and can set up new accounts.Appeal to the daughter you brought up and not the one who is heavily influenced by what her friends are doing

Gorionine · 15/04/2009 11:08

I would definitely remove her from FB.

bamboostalks I am sure you are right that it is becomming standard online behaviour, that is one more reason, IMHO, to put a stop to it! If we (adults) just do not take actions for this sort of behaviour, how is it going to stop?

Personaly I find it ing!

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/04/2009 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

liahgen · 16/04/2009 20:48

definately take her off FB, and MSM and any other sites.

I have taken my DD off as she was swearing on there, not the same i know, but not the sort of behaviour i want any joe public being able to see.

My DD has also been bullied through internet sites, which resulted in her being excluded from school for one day a few weeks ago, when she finally snapped at school and punched the boy who had been doing it to her.
She's now seeing a councillor at Relateen for her anger management.

Hope it works out for you.

piscesmoon · 16/04/2009 20:52

I would take down her face book immediately and have a long chat about cyber-bullying. If Lauren hasn't seen it I would leave well alone but I would wipe the floor with your DD over the 'popular lasses' bit-it is appalling.

PlumBumMum · 16/04/2009 20:54

Agree with everyone else I would delete her FB account

LollipopViolet · 18/04/2009 21:45

Join Facebook. My mum is on there, and believe me, I'm careful what I rant about and say (although I'd never write on there what I wouldn't say to someone's face) but she does embarrass me so, talking to my mates etc!

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