help on communication with dd 15 anyone please

[resolutions]

my dd is 15 and we seem to be locked into poor communication atm
she is challenging us and everything sounds so personal
any tips on staying cool but communicating better
any tips on being nice when not naturally very touchy feely with this age
we are both a bit defensive and don't want this to go on for long

The How To Talk book also comes in a teens version. Not worth buying if you've got the original but well worth it otherwise.

thanks is it called How to talk to teens?

does anyone know if a teenager wants to move out at 16 is this legal
[do not think it is going to happen but want to know facts ]

what about writing down your feelings in a letter?

I think the key in communicating with teens is acknowledging their feelings and making sure that they know you still love them despite their attitude.

have ordered the book
does anyone know how to avoid a power struggle?

Choose your battles!

I think that is a very useful philosphy to have.

Let the unimportant stuff go for the moment and keep your clashes to the serious stuff.

As ggirl says - its important to let them know you love them and acknowledge their feelings. This can be done without getting heavy and even if they snort with derision it still sinks in.

Another useful thing...talk to them about what interests them....(even if it's mind-numbingly boring for you!)

thanks mumonthenet,
i feel i may have fallen into trap of expecting too much partly cos she's always been well behaved and partly cos i feel 15 is old and she "should" be good.
also i was v grown up at this age and knew my own mind so i feel she is choosing to be difficult becos she wants to be,in that i feel she wants to be in charge and have her own way over things.
if she wanted help from me i would do anything for her but she wants to do whatever she wants really