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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Am I wrong not allowing my 16yr old son going to Newquay after his GCSE's

38 replies

drob · 21/11/2008 20:41

I'm a single parent and son has told me he is going to Newquay in the summer after his GCSC's. Having spoken to friends whose kids went last year, it seems apart from excessive drinking, they spoke of boys being 'bottled' as something quite normal. I'm happy for him to go away with his friends but not Newqay. Apparently everyone he knows is going and it's causing enourmous arguments. How I should handle this, am I wrong? It feels as though I'm being blackmailed into letting him go as every other parent seems happy to allow it.

OP posts:
Original poster
drob · 21/11/2008 20:43

I'm a single parent and son has told me he is going to Newquay in the summer after his GCSC's. Having spoken to friends whose kids went last year, it seems apart from excessive drinking, they spoke of boys being 'bottled' as something quite normal. I'm happy for him to go away with his friends but not Newqay. Apparently everyone he knows is going and it's causing enourmous arguments. How I should handle this, am I wrong? It feels as though I'm being blackmailed into letting him go as every other parent seems happy to allow it.

OP posts:
Cynthia32 · 21/11/2008 20:53

Why don't you try talking to the parents of his mates, other people he says are going, and find out what they think?

mumeeee · 21/11/2008 22:44

I wouldn't let a 16 year old go away on their own.

dinny · 21/11/2008 22:46

Newquay can b v rough, am sad to say

MegBusset · 21/11/2008 22:47

Hmmm... depends on the teenager, i would have thought? Can he be relied upon to stay away from major trouble?

barbie1 · 21/11/2008 22:48

i have spent lots of time in newquay growing up and tbh it is full of stag and hen parties, if he is only 16 he wont be able to get into any bars/clubs as the door guys are v.strict so they will probably be spending most of the time at the camp site? I remember my parents letting me go but they stayed on the camp site right next door, and happened to walk over the ours every hour or so where would they stay, how far away do you live?

Tommy · 21/11/2008 22:51

I went away with some friends after my O levels. We went to the Isle of Wight

I think things are a bit different now TBH but, do you trust him? If not, could he "earn" your trust between now ans then?

Pimmpom · 22/11/2008 12:48

Hmmm don't really think it is a question if you trust him or not. My dd will be taking her GCSE's and I trust her but would not be happy her going there. If there is trouble, you can't always avoid it.

ilovetochat · 22/11/2008 12:50

newquay at 16 means you can't get in bars without id so buy loads of booze and get drunk at campsite and what happens then is pretty bad.

hercules1 · 22/11/2008 12:52

I wouldnt fancy the idea of my ds when 16 going off to get pissed somewhere for the weekend especially to Newquay. I wouldnt let him go.

ajandjjmum · 25/11/2008 11:33

DS and his group of friends wanted to go away after GCSEs. Eventually they went to stay at a house belonging to one of the girls in their group in Wales.

They had a great time - but because there weren't millions of other youngsters, nothing got out of hand.

They also learned a lot in so far as looking after themselves was concerned, and got to know each other's strange ways etc!

DS said when he came home how he now realised how much we did for him.

mumblechum · 25/11/2008 11:35

That sounds like a much better idea, ajandjjmum.

Would your ds think about doing something like that, OP, ie you & other parents clubbing together for them to rent a cottage somewhere for a week?

newgirl · 25/11/2008 11:36

i stayed on one of the campsites and it was like being at a fesitval - they have buses to take you to town and we hng around on the beach drinking

the campsite was sort of policed - when it got noisy they told us to quieten down so it didnt get that out of hand

but it was all about drinking and sex (but i didnt see any fighting)

i dont think id let him go

is it possible to organise a camping trip with the other families so you all go together? maybe not newquay but somewhere else? or an organised adventure camp with responsible adults around?

jesuswhatnext · 25/11/2008 12:18

i don't get this, he will be 16, have left school etc - how can you 'stop' him going?

at some point you have to trust him, i would think once he has left school you will be expecting him to either go to college/get a job, he could join the forces for goodness sakes.

treat him like a man.

Pimmpom · 25/11/2008 13:47

Jesus - I hope just because dd is 16 I can 'stop' (persuade) her doing something if I think it is unsuitable.

katiechops · 25/11/2008 13:57

I went down to Newquay for a week with a bunch of mates the summer between lower and upper sixth form (so just turned 17). I paid for it with money from my part time job, so my mum didn't really have much choice in the matter!

As newgirl says, campsite security was pretty good. I doubt that they'd get into many bars or clubs as they seem quite strict about ID these days. It was all about drinking and sex - those were the days! Where did the last 14 years go?

jesuswhatnext · 25/11/2008 14:06

pimmpom - my dd is 16 and yes, i would try to guide her if i felt what she was doing was dangerous, but, we are talking newquay here they could 'bottled' in any nightclub, in any town, on any night - you just have to hope that you have bought them up with enough sense to back away from trouble etc.
ime, the kids going on holiday like this tend to be interested in booze and sex, not fighting.

Hulababy · 25/11/2008 14:09

"the kids going on holiday like this tend to be interested in booze and sex, not fighting"

TBH not sure that sentence is going to make the OP feel much better about it!!!

"how can you stop them"

My house = my rules. Worked for my parents. I am none the worse for it.

I would be very reluctant if it were my child. I went away with about 20 friends to a big house type place in middle of Derbyshire at end of sixth form. Not sure I'd want my DD doing that two years younger. I know what w were like at 18y - and we were pretty senssible!

CrushWithEyeliner · 25/11/2008 14:12

My SS did this and I was horrified. It is like a rite of passage now for boys to do this. He got drunk, stoned and probably had sex from what he fed back.

brimfull · 25/11/2008 14:13

my dd went to the reading festival after her gcses.
I did have certain worries about it ,but essentially I trust her,she paid for it and got it all organised with her friends and tbh I thought well she's 16 now ...who am I to stop her.

She was fine btw and is going again this yr.
I would let him go if he's a sensible lad and the friends he is going with are quite sensible.

jesuswhatnext · 25/11/2008 14:30

sorry, did'nt mean to sound glib about the booze and sex but blimey, they are 16, they should know all about 'sensible drinking and safe sex' by now.

my dd went to several festivals this summer, she goes into london most weekends, on the train, to gigs etc - she earns her own money, keeps to my rules, as in

1, keep phone on at all times
2, answer the bloody thing when i call it
3, eat before drinking
4, no fucking drugs (i have told her i won't be 'taking her for counselling' i will kick her backside till her nose bleeds if she does drugs, she is not stupid, she knows the consquiences)
5, when you decide to have sex, try and make sure it is 'meaningful' rather than a casual shag
6, if you get in any trouble AT ALL, PHONE HOME, we are always there if you need us

we have to let go at some point and treat tehm like adults - only the op can tell if her son is ready to go holiday with his mates, i can only speak from experience, my dd has been fairly mature since she was about 14.

lazymumofteenagesons · 25/11/2008 16:26

I agree with JesusWN. I can't speak for anyone elses kids but wait for it - I allowed my son to go to Reading Festival at 15 (after yr 10). Last summer after GCSEs he went to Newquay and it was fine. He was exhausted, had a few stories to tell, but nothing I wasn't expecting. And now I'm ready to be shouted down, I also let him go to a music festival in Spain at 16.

I trust him. He knows whats right and wrong. He doesn't look for trouble. I like that both kids want independence and to travel. But don't think I don't worry while he's away, that won't stop until he's about 40!

lazymumofteenagesons · 25/11/2008 16:27

How are they going to learn how to take care of themselves if we don't let them.

jesuswhatnext · 25/11/2008 16:48

lazymum, i won't shout you down, my dd travelled by train to the south of france, alone, when she was 15, (she did meet up with her bf parents at the other end), yeah, i was on tenterhooks and almost cried with relief when she rang to say she had got there. it was a fantastic adventure for her, she loved the whole experience etc and like you, i will worry about her till the day i die

i can only hope that we have bought her up to be savvy enough to take care of herself, after all, in about 18months she will be off to study somewhere (she wants to go to berlin ), i won't be able to pull my pinny strings then, will i?

unavailable · 26/11/2008 10:48

My son went to Cornwall (campsite outside Newquay) with a group of about 10 friends when he was 16. I was worried, and imagined all sorts of alcohol related accidents/ incidents, but felt I needed to trust him. He came back in one piece, and had a great time. I 'm sure we only got the abridged version of what went on, but as others have said you do have to make a bit of a leap of faith with teenagers.

Do you know all the friends he wants to go with?