What is your best suggestion for parenting teenagers?

[cazzzz]

Hi

I have decided to be proactive about the teenage phase. I have 2 boys aged 7 and 4. Having never quite mastered preschool children parenting skills in time to apply them to my own kids.. I'm now looking ahead to what's billed as the next difficult time.

So come on experienced parents of teenagers...

What is your best suggestion of how to parent teenagers, and why ?

keep your sense of humour - you'll need it

Ha ha, your screen name says it all Jesus. You just want people to call you jesus I think.

my dc1 is only 6 btw. I dread her being more confrontational but..... with money and freedom... arghghgh!

1. Don't sweat the small stuff (tidy bedrooms etc)

1. Don't take it personally if they're grumpy. Chances are it's hormonal and they'll be nice as pie 5 mins later.

1. Still be a mummy, spend time one to one, take them out for the day etc. I think I'm a bit guilty of expecting ds (14) to just organise his own social life every weekend and rarely assume that he wants to spend time with me & his dad. I'm planning on spending a couple of days at half term going out games shopping/starbucks/going for bike ride etc.

Thanks everyone. I particularly like Mumble chum's suggestion 3 (but maybe I have a rose tinted view of raising teenagers!)

I read somewhere that one mother's suggestion was to keep teenagers busy-busy-busy? Does that ring any bells? Why?

a gun
threats
threaten them with a gun
get a job
go to college

you lazy are shit....i'm chucking you out, ok i can'tchuck you out

your gf is going though

...oh she will be homeless?

look at me

i dont give a shit

do your gcse's or else you will be poor
marry rich - you can divorce them and have half the money and shag a poor one then.

your moving out when you are 18

mine is now 19

your moving out...soon...i mean it this time

get
a job
get a job
get a god damned job

i want a third of your wages

that fucker back fired ....gets calculator one third of......fuck ....all ...is

FUCK ALL

holy shit

...but i work two hours a day

yeah two hours.

two fucking hours

get a proper job you lazy shit.

cut your hair.

no you can't borow money

do your chores...it was part of the deal - you can stay you do your chores

mon - do your chores!

tue - c'mon now do yorur chore

wed - you haven't done them yet

thurs do your fucking chores

fri - i swear to god, as big as you are i will kick your arse up and down the street - youare taking the piss

sat..........

Sun ONE WEEK ONE FUCING WEEK AND YER OUT ON YER ARSE

mon....start over.

get a gun

Let them hang out with their friends in your house. That way you know who their friends are (and what they're like), and you know where they are. I cannot understand lots of my friends who say no way would they let a group of teens hang out in their living room.

Don't go mental over drinking, boyfriends/girlfriends, going to pubs or nightclubs. If you allow a certain amount of leeway then you can lay down the law about some things that you won't allow. For me if my 16 year old was drinking in a friend's house I wouldn't go mad, but drinking on the street, I'd kill him

If they feel they can talk to you and you won't be too strict you actually have more control over them. I know so many teenagers who are going out or staying over with boyfriends etc. while their parents are clueless.

Is your wickle luvpot getting just a teensy bit on your tits today Custy?

custy

groundhog day eh!

i know the feeling.....

tsk..teenagers!

I wouldn't try to keep teenagers "busy-busy-busy". By the time they reach that stage they know exactly what interests them and will refuse to do things that don't. Fortunately, mine haven't been too much trouble - only one occurrence of vomit on carpet and one wrecked car - with one very sad teenager.
Agree with Mumblechum's comments entirely. Pick your battles, don't expect them to be too lovey-dovey and do sometimes spend some one to one time with them.

Don't back off.
They need a bit more space and privacy of course but it is too easy to anticipate the increase in distance and actually back away from them.

Also don't get thrown by the fact that they sudden;y look like adults - they still have kiddish bits. We do a crawling process of more maturity allows more freedom. Being a twat means freedom gets curtailed.

I also have stuck rigorously to standards of behaviour. DS1 is 15 and he is allowed to vent and express himself but I don't swear at him or abuse him - nor am I rude to him. Therefore the converse is not acceptable.

I took DS1 out to dinner last night ( for various reasons) and actually if you chat and talk you do get amazing amounts back. Only adding that as it is so popular to presents teenagers as secretive monosyllabic muppets

This is very helpful. Lots of this also reminds me of my older son now, who I often "over-calculate" in terms of age, ability and distance.

Is growing up a gradual process or is there some sort of sharp transition with puberty / teenager-dom?

(Sounds like a mad question, but from everything I read, teenagers could actually be a different species)

Difficult to remember my own experiences.. I was also at boarding school with parents overseas which must have softened the teenage years for my parents!!! Now there's an option....!

Someone once said to me that their best advice was to treat your teenagers as separate people from you.

It's so easy to think back to your own teenage years and wish that either your child would do the same things that you did (in my case piano!) or stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that they may have interests which really don't strike a chord with you (ie. rap music, piercings, tattoos, MSN etc.

Keep the dialogue open as long as you possibly can, and yes, hang onto your sense of humour!

We had a 'dark' phase with our DD1 from about 12 to 14, then gradually, as she headed for 15, she seemed to realise that certain types she was hanging around with were just losers and she was being tarred with the same brush. You have to let them make their own mistakes sometimes and hope to God that they learn from them...

I am about to be on my third teen (13 soon) and the advice I would give is not to assume the second they turn 13 they ARE going to turn into a sulky professional 'teenager'.

Just treat them the same as you have been doing but when they do start to 'turn', try to be patient and not argue back or sink to their level. When they are really being unreasonable, it is best to leave the room and ignore the behaviour, quite often when you come back they have come back to normal! (for a while at least).

Do keep an interest in what they are doing, set boundaries if necessary (they like this really). Try to have a friendly relationship with their friends...if they are welcome at your house, your teen is less likely to be out doing things you would rather not know about.

I afraid I could never be bothered to fuss about tidying their rooms etc. Their rooms were fairly disgusting but now older DCs are at university and in shared accommodation, I can honestly say their rooms now are really quite nice and tidy!!

my ds(15) is dead easy to deal with. calm before the storm?

Talk with them not at them - until it becomes really necessary .

Make sure your dd does not keep falling in love with ds's friends. Really makes for complications!

Get new tyres on your car - you'll need them with the miles you'll be doing.

Love them to bits.

boarding school I reckon

Have a 24-hour notice rule.

You will ferry them and the friends about but only with 24 hours' notice.

Oh yes, and encourage them to be friendly with people who live close to you! DS1 is banned from having muscial differences with the drummer from his band because he lives near and therefore we can share lifts with his parents.

Agree with don't sweat the small stuff messy rooms not a problem ... Always try to talk even if its stuff you don't want to hear keep a sense of humour and it helps if you like their music!and let them make their own mistakes sometimes ..just be there when it all goes wrong

Love them because it is very hard to like them!

I agree with MadreInglese - boarding school!

Mine isn't a teenager until next week, but we are having the preteen stuff and the fights, and I have to walk away from it, or do my really scary screaming banshee impression.

Interestingly, dh is away on business this week, and ds has been charming and reasonable, like he used to be. Strange.

Start now! Encourage an interest which will keep them busy and let them make friends outside school, so they're not just hanging around when they're teenagers and they aren't so susceptible to the daily fallouts. Both my dds closest friends aren't at the same schools as them.

Keep talking and try to be unshockable. It helps if you can eat together as much as possible as that's when you get the best conversation (actually, they usually want to talk when I'm on MN).

Just asked dd (15) what she'd suggest and she says "don't ask them too many questions cos they'll feel obliged to answer them or you'll wonder what they've been up to!" Think I've just been subtly told off but she's right, I do want to know!

I'm enjoying 15 and nearly 13 far more than any other age so far, but I suspect that will change

lol custardo.

My mantra is

'If it ain't illegal, immoral or annoying the neighbours don't get your knickers in a twist about it'

I'm loving your mantra saggers ..sounds like my house really