What is your best suggestion for parenting teenagers?

[cazzzz]

Hi

I have decided to be proactive about the teenage phase. I have 2 boys aged 7 and 4. Having never quite mastered preschool children parenting skills in time to apply them to my own kids.. I'm now looking ahead to what's billed as the next difficult time.

So come on experienced parents of teenagers...

What is your best suggestion of how to parent teenagers, and why ?

Oh God, don't tell me it goes on til 41! At least I've passed the difficult age

My MIL claims 13 - 23 is the worst age, so was hoping we would be out of it with DD next year.

I am as good as gold, so I don't know why my dad is complaining.

juuule - DD1 wanted to sleep but she didn't want to sleep in her own bed. She wants to sleep with either DH or me and one of us to sleep in her bed every night. If I give into this demand, how long will it be before DD2 catches on and wants the same? DD1 has lots of fears and is very sensitive (is currently having counselling for this) and we have gone to the end of the earth to try to help her, but after nearly a year of this night after night charade, I'm losing it!

If she has lots of fears and is very sensitive maybe a few months of reassuring her and getting into her bed with her might help her overcome her insecurities. Have you tried that, if not maybe it would be worth trying?
Is dd2 as sensitive? Perhaps she wouldn't be bothered. I would worry about that when or if it happened but for now it's sounds as though it's your dd1 who needs the attention.
How old is dd2? Would it help dd1 to share a bed with dd2.
Sorry if I've misunderstood. Obviously you know the situation much better than I do.

It's difficult to describe it in a sentence but feel free to look at my thread here.
I don't mean to hijack this thread, but it caught me in a low today.

juuule - meant to say thanks for your suggestions - it's difficult to know what's the best approach really. I don't want to start an even worse habit than she has now by indulging her even more! Who knows though - what will work?

Fear not cat, they may live in there in their strange unpaired habitat, but my iron goes no where near them.
In fact my iron goes nowhere very often, DH somehow decided this is a very manly chore and does the lot, who am I to argue.

I have 2 teenage boys aged 19 and 17. My advice is work out what is really important like going to school, being nice, getting a part time job and washing!!! and just go with the flow.What they wear, tidying their room, tatoos and piercings are all passing phases and not worth the angst. pick your battles and make sure you win them. Also always trust them unless they let you down and then punish, if you expect good behaviour you will get i!!!

Hi, i have 2 boys aged 19 and 17.These are my rules,

1 No bratting or tempers allowed from anyone including parents
2 see things from their point of view
3 if they go to school and dont do drugs you are winning, tidying their rooms, tatoos,wierd clothes and grunting are all passing phases,
4 have a bloody good laugh with them as often as possible
5 never ever go to sleep without making up the quarrel or at least talking it through quietly
6 remember you love them and they love you
EASY peasey
(grin)

So let's try linking my thread again
try this

Carofromwton - If this was my 9/10 year old, I would stay with her and do what I could to try to ease her fears. It may take a few months but if at the end she was able to go to bed on her own then it would be worth it. Could she stay downstairs until you went up? Would she feel any easier if she knew that you were upstairs? I wouldn't be worried about starting worse habits than she has now. She will grow older and more mature and won't want you around all the time but at the moment she sounds as though she needs reassurance.
I'm just saying what I think I would do. We had similar with our dd between 4y and 7y.

juuule - that's what I have been doing for nearly a year now! She's also now receiving counselling from a really nice nurse which seems to be going well. It's all we can do at the moment - I hope you're right and she will eventually just 'grow out of it'. What we're trying to avoid is the transition of these childhood fears into more serious things ie eating disorders etc as she matures. This is the kind of thing which can happen if the earlier problems are ignored.

Thanks again for your help.

Well, I'm new to the teenage thing because DD is just 13 but it's really struck me so far that she still really needs my time and attention and in a genuine way, not just the 'yes, dear, I'm listening' brush off (which I still get away with in younger girl's case)
Also, especially with girls, I think, you have to remember that hormones are playing a big part. I'm beginning to spot the hormone related moods a little bit, so I'll excuse the strops to some extent during those times. Get to know their friends as much as possible.

Just always be onside with us.

And never let them grow up too fast. I feel REALLY old and people say it to me too... sometimes i think if mum (LOVE YOU MUM) had been more firm on me then i could still be leading the life i used to with FUN FUN FUN. Now i've got a laptop and that's about my only escape from everything. It's not easy being a mum at my age.

Tell them you love them, frequently!

thick rope and duct tape

PMSL Custy!

get them into sport - especially one which requires hours and hours of training - ds1 has no time to hang around street corners, go on MSN etc as pretty much every spare minute is spent in the pool - he's also very careful about what he eats and drinks as he knows his performance will suffer if his diet is as rubbish as some of his schoolfriends'

I remember being a teenager SO vividly, and though some of these have already been said, these are my tuppenceworth (reflectingthrough grown-up teacher eyes )

1. don't try to be a mate. do worry, and set rules. but be flexible and negotiate.
2. always come up afterwards with a cup of tea to talk. i so remember getting into that spiral where i knew was making it worse but had no way out - that's what the slamming doors is about IMO/E. glad my mum knew to just leave it and then come up later with a cup of tea and a cuddle.
3. echo the wanting to talk at 11pm. i still do it now to dh's annoyance

Daisy15, it is interesting to see your posts from the perspective of an actual teenager!

Do you really think if your mum had been more firm it would have made a difference?
Would you have taken notice?

Have you got a baby, or am I imagining that?

If you do have a baby, hope everything is going ok for you. Remember you will still be v young when the baby has grown up

I'm a teen (not a mum yet fortunately) and the things I've found have helped are:

1. More carrot, less stick.
2. Don't sweat an untidy room, everyone has their own tolerance to mess and it'll get cleaned when that tolerance is reached.
3. Encourage a social life. My friends are driving now, and yet my mum still moans if I'm doing something without much notice.
4. Don't worry if we dress weird. The number of times my mum has been shopping and gone into a shop I like (rock/metal type stuff) and has gone "God, all the staff in that shop were your type of people" (ie: same dress sense/music taste). It's annoying!
5. Be there. I had my first bf from May to mid June of this year, and when he broke up with me, my family were great. Because I'd been honest and open, and they'd let me learn on my own.