Insecure 13 year old DD

[Susiemac]

My DD is a sweet, lovely 13 yr old girl,but she can be quite reserved. She was at her last school for 9 years and the past 12 months have been a nightmare on the 'friendship front'. She finds it hard to initiate get-togethers, but then gets bothered when girls text/call her a lot wanting to arrange something.She gets jealous if other girls are made more of a fuss of than she is.She was desperate to start a new school which she did last week, and now thinks all the girls are weird or different.She went to a party last night with her old school friends & came back crying that no one made a fuss of her,but did of our neighbour's daughter who has also left the old school & has started at the same new one. I feel my DD is becoming so insecure and unhappy and want to know how to help build her confidence up, teach her to have eye-contact & try to be happier with life. Any advice?

susie, if the last 12 months have been a nightmare - whilst she was still at her old school - i would wonder what it was that changed...or is it just teenage angst and insecurity kicking in?

Sounds like she needs her self-esteem boosted and to like herself....the way she is.

Does she have any outside school hobbies or interests? Can you find something that interests her and she is good at?

Are you inadvertently giving her the impression she needs to be gregarious?

Does she need some role play practice to know what to say or do when others are trying to organise her into doing stuff?

Can you initiate a movie/pizza thingy with another girl from the new school?

I know how you feel....I have one reserved dd and one totally centre of attention dd.

Thanx for advice,mumonthenet, I really needed a listening ear! My younger dd is also totally centre of attention which doesn't always help the older dd!
We had the rest of the weekend to have 'mum n' dd' alone time for a much needed chat. She did need my advice on what to say,the the role play idea was brilliant!
I see myself in dd because I was reserved, but learnt how to cope, so can't bare seeing the hurt.I'm the opposite now!DD made some calls to a couple of new friends and arranged a sleepover here next W/E, so I have a happier bunny today. Maybe I need to understand that my little girl is just struggling a bit as she changes from child to mini-adult [yes, all those physical body changes that we women have to get on with are tough on her, too!]
So, fingers crossed.......

good news susie!

(only just noticed this as not much mn-ing time this week!)

glad to hear you made some progress.

my centre of attention dd(11)organises her entire social life/sports etc and just instructs me where to take her

dd(13) sometimes needs some gentle pushes and advice...but she is getting better and I think that letting her go into challenging situations ...and surive them...is what increases her self-esteem and self-reliance.

It's awful to see them hurting so even more important for us to give them some of the tools can't seem to find for themselves.

Your DD will be FINE!!