Pocket money for 14 year-old boy. Are we mean?

[Libra]

DS1 is 14 and has just started S3 here, which I think would be fourth year in England.

At present he gets ten pounds a week pocket money, out of which he is expected to pay for his lunch at school (usually around one pound a day for a sandwich) and then to use the other five pounds for minor living expenses.

We buy all his clothes.

The problem has arisen because he claims all his friends get more pocket money than this. There have also been problems over the summer relating to the clothes he would like bought versus the clothes I am prepared to buy.

He also has a bank savings account into which he puts money he receives for birthdays. He is very averse to using such money to purchase CDs, clothes, etc or to go to the cinema with mates (these are usual expenses). He expects to be able to meet these expenses out of the pocket money (hence it is not enough) and hoards the birthday money.

He did extra chores around the house and garden over the summer for extra money, but we will not allow him to get a job yet because we think he is too young and his schoolwork will suffer. The usual job in our village is washing dishes at the local hotel for quite poor wages, which some of his mates do.

So - are we mean? How much do you give your 14 year old and what is he expected to fund out of this?

Many thanks for any replies!!

£10 a week is very generous. DD3 16 gets £30 a month and she has to buy most of her clothes and top up her Mobile with that.

DS gets £60 a month, I buy all his clothes & give him a packed lunch (his choice).

He still gets through it pretty quickly, one PS3 game is typically £45, and a cinema trip inc. popcorn is a tenner, so I think £60 a month is about right.

I don't think this is mean. After all you are providing everything he needs, including food for his lunch - it is his choice not to use it. My experience is when teens have too much money their rooms end up full of stuff they don't really need and which ultimately does nothing to improve their quality of life; in fact, it may detract from is as we nag them more to tidy it all up! I think it is a good sign that he is saving his birthday money. I would be willing to give him a bit extra from time to time if he needs it for some specified purpose eg to see a film or buy a birthday present for a friend.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for Libra's son to have the option of making his own lunch and then keep the spare dinner money cash for himself. I often do this with my ds1 also 14. He knows that bought lunches are more expensive then home made lunches so chooses accordingly.

The only thing I would query is how much libra's son needs to spend at the canteen to get a reasonable lunch. If Libra's school canteen can provide a good lunch for £1.00 then fair enough.

My ds's pocket money arrangement is a bit more ad hoc as he does various out of school activites which involve practice sessions and rehearsals.

Each week we look at what he is doing and when. Typically I might give him a tenner for three days, but that includes school dinner money (needs around £2.00 for a lunch) as well as spending money for the chippy/some cans of drink etc after a couple of evening practice sessions. If he chooses not to take his own sandwiches and bring his own drinks, then the tenner will not go far. His choice in the end! I cannot and will not constantly give him cash for to buy an array of snacks when we have plenty of food at home.

(Sorry - a bit long...)

This is a very 'topical' subject in our household atm. DD1 (barely 13yo) stole a rather large sum of money from both my purse and DH's wallet while on holiday in West Wales (ie: not exactly littered with shopping experiences where she could spend it all...). I was completely floored by what she'd done - how did she think we wouldn't notice that a)the money was gone and b)that all of a sudden she had loads to spend?

The money was returned/taken back in appropriately severe manner and after her birthday, the day after we got home from holiday, we talked to her again ("Why do you need to talk to me - I've already been told off!"). Upshot was we confiscated her new lap top until she starts school again and have told her she has to earn the amount she stole by working for her dad on a Saturday morning/washing car etc. She then has to hand over this amount by which time she will hopefully have learned something about the value of money. We hope.

Moral of story for us is that the pocket money we gave her wasn't enough to give her that bit of independence she craved. It was hard to find a 'punishment' that was far reaching enough not to be diminished by the fact that we had to acknowledge that the pocket money she was getting just wasn't enough and she hated having to ask me for little bits here and there all the time.

She now gets £20 a month (which we may put up to £30 a month) and is expected to pay for a cinema trip, bus fares at weekend, magazines, vast quantities of Impulse, sweets, make-up etc. I buy clothes and shoes.

DH said if she took any money again he will take half of all her things and chuck them in the skip at work.

I agree thatyou do have to look at your teenager's lifestyle to see how much they really need. It may be that they need more than you are giving them and you have to up their pocket money.

But I have to admit that something makes me uneasy about equating pocket money with independence. Independence is more than that IMO and you can give them independence in lots of other ways (of course, emmylou, you probabaly do).

IMO teenagers do not have a magical right to buy themselves a certain amount of sweets or treats. That's what happens when they get a job - that's a reason to work in a boring shop, wash up, do a paperround etc etc.

I'm happy for my son to ask me for extra cash, over and above any pocket money. Sometimes he gets it and sometimes he doesn't. I ask him what he wants it for. I think that's reasonable and if he finds that question an unreasonable intrusion, then tough luck.

i give dd (15) £75 per month. From that she has to allocate:

£5 towards a savings emergency pot which she is not allowed to use or dip into

whatever credit she needs for her phone - she is not allowed out without reasonable credit left on her phone

anything else she wants ie.clothes, shoes, gig tickets, train fares, taxi fares, food when she's out with her friends, going to cinema, presents, haircuts/colours etc

I buy her essential clothing ie. school uniform and school shoes.

I have also started charging her 10p per mile when we give her lifts somewhere that she could walk to ie. to the station 2 miles away or from a friends house etc.

We pay dd's mobile contract,which is £20 a month.
That's her pocket money.
I buy her clothes,the basics only.
She earns money babysitting,chores for anything else.

she's 16 and this has been the case for a few yrs

she was unable to get a job this summer

I think you have to take into account other siblings and how many treats they have.

My son has a 9 year old brother and if I gave ds1 a biggish lump sum of cash each week or month (to spend as he liked) I know he would regularly buy sweets and fizzy drinks in front of his younger brother, as a wind up. This is just not on. I have told ds1 this but he won't listen.

So I prefer to keep a closer check on his spending - I'll pay for him to go to the cinema or get him new clothes, but he has to ask me. This is why I am quite careful as to how much running around money ds1 actually has week to week - I don't want ds2 to grow up thinking teenagers get all the sweets!

i think the OP is tight tbh

I think a 14 yo should buy their own clothes and have a clothing allowance to cover this. If a child is having to use their pocket money to pay for school lunch they will not be choosing the healthy option (I know this from experience) and it is not really pocket money. I don't know what the ideal rate would be as it must surely depend on the area of the country you live in (I used to spend most of my pocket money on bus fairs as I lived in the arse end of beyond) and your family income.

i dont get the lunch thing

The op's son does not use his £10.00 weekly pocket money to buy his clothing - op states she buys all his clothes. The £10.00 is for 'minor living expenses'

I think it hinges on how much the op's son needs to spend at school to get a reasonable lunch.

I also think linking the pocket money to lunch is a little unfair. A meal at our primary school is £1.85 a day - cant imagine he can buy much for a £1 in order to still have £5 pocket money to spend. If he can feed himself for a £1, what sort of food is it?

Kids like to eat together, if all his friends have meals rather than taking sandwiches I can see why he'd want to do the same.

DS is 5 and doesnt have pocket money at the moment. We may start giving him some when they cover money at school to tie in with his learning but just enough for comics or a small treat. I prefer to treat him myself at the moment and he hasnt expressed an interest in pocket money anyway.

When he's a teenager, will probably go with what Riven does and give him his FA and just buy school things and essentials.

FWIW, in a typical week, I could end up giving my son over £20.00 just for snacks and meals out.

This would include school lunches (£2.00 - 3.00 per day x5) plus another £3.00 - £5.00 for each time he goes to cricket training (twice a week) and youth drama group (once a week).

This is not including the cricket and drama fees, and the petrol costs of driving him there and back.

Getting him into the habit of making his own snacks and packed lunches and bringing his own bottles of drink is a neccesity I do not have a spare £100 or so a month to give him to go into cafes!

I can't believe this is still live!!

To update. A family meeting over the weekend has resulted in DS1 now being given sixty pounds a month for pocket money. However, I will continue to pay thirty pounds a week for taekwondo and related expenses for (very expensive) gradings. He is very happy with this.

He will be allowed to take a job at the local hotel in the holidays, but we are not happy about him working in term time.

i got a 5er a week pocket money and wen i was 15 i started to get a 10er

yanbu but i think you should let him get a job, its not that time consuming and would make him value his money more. i doubt his work would suffer