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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Pocket money for 14 year-old boy. Are we mean?

119 replies

Libra · 22/08/2008 10:57

DS1 is 14 and has just started S3 here, which I think would be fourth year in England.

At present he gets ten pounds a week pocket money, out of which he is expected to pay for his lunch at school (usually around one pound a day for a sandwich) and then to use the other five pounds for minor living expenses.

We buy all his clothes.

The problem has arisen because he claims all his friends get more pocket money than this. There have also been problems over the summer relating to the clothes he would like bought versus the clothes I am prepared to buy.

He also has a bank savings account into which he puts money he receives for birthdays. He is very averse to using such money to purchase CDs, clothes, etc or to go to the cinema with mates (these are usual expenses). He expects to be able to meet these expenses out of the pocket money (hence it is not enough) and hoards the birthday money.

He did extra chores around the house and garden over the summer for extra money, but we will not allow him to get a job yet because we think he is too young and his schoolwork will suffer. The usual job in our village is washing dishes at the local hotel for quite poor wages, which some of his mates do.

So - are we mean? How much do you give your 14 year old and what is he expected to fund out of this?

Many thanks for any replies!!

OP posts:
pagwatch · 22/08/2008 12:02

actually I get a bit at how we underestimate boys.
Of course he can do that. And if he can't he should be able to.
My DS1 is only just 15 but has cooked at least half of his meals so far this holiday..
( which is mostly because he eats twice as many meals as the rest of us)

SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:02

and you are missing the point Marslady.

He probably doesn't care enough about his nutrition to make decent sandwiches the night before. He might regret it next day, but probably only fleetingly - the moment will pass as soon as he tucks into his crisps.

pagwatch · 22/08/2008 12:02

what is unloving SP ?

pagwatch · 22/08/2008 12:04

why would a 14 year old not care about their nutrition?
are we going for the maximum number of ways in which we can patronise teenagers on this thread....

SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:05

My boys have cooked lunch for the family everyday. They are very good at it.

But they do it at lunchtime, and don't plan it the day before. They just look in the fridge and make from whatever they see before them. If we have no sandwich meats, they will be content to eat dry bread.

SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:07

the notion that they have to make their sandwiches or else, and then not to bother that they have only £1 to spend on a packet of crisps the next day.

I'm a very laid back mother, with extremely self-sufficient children, but I cannot bear to think of them at school without proper food, which is why mine have school lunches, paid for in advance.

MarsLady · 22/08/2008 12:09

Actually squeaky I don't think I'm missing the point at all. I do know about teens and their nutrition and this from having a couple of my own and working with a great many of them over the years.

I still think that at 14 he has to begin to learn to make his own choices. It would seem (and do correct me if I'm wrong) that you are making assumptions about how well his mother feeds him in the evenings and on the weekends. I'm sure a while of crappy lunches isn't going to ruin him nutritionally for life.

SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:10

I guess we all have our standards, Marslady - and a nutritious one is something I am not willing to let drop.

MarsLady · 22/08/2008 12:10

Need to pop off now as my own mother has arrived (no doubt to tell me how I ought to feed my children lol )

MarsLady · 22/08/2008 12:12

Ah but squeaky... I don't ever lose sight of nutritious values but perhaps you ought to give the OPs DS a little more credit. He buys a sandwich (which is what he would have taken from home) and school meals can still can less than nutritious.

But... we'll agree to differ and I'll happily share my lemon drizzle cake with you

MrsDisapproving · 22/08/2008 12:13

at 14 though i don't think it is too much at all to expect him to spend 5 mins in the morning choosing and preparing his own lunch, esp if the OP is willing to buy things he wants/likes!

not unloving in the slightest - setting him up for independence.

SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:13

And I don't agree that they have to be responsible for their food at 14. They are still going to be under your feet for at least another 4 years. There is no need to make them grow up in every area of their lives at this age.

Original poster
Libra · 22/08/2008 12:13

One pound buys the canteen's offer of the day. It is usually pasta, risotto, stovies, etc.
Since he gets a full home-cooked meal at the end of the day, I think that is enough at lunch time, myself.

He has time in the morning to make his own sandwiches. He is completely capable in the kitchen - can make complex fish dishes from Gordon Ramsay's book at the drop of a hat and is usually begging to be allowed to cook the evening meal at least once a week. He can make sandwiches.

OP posts:
SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:14

£1 does not buy a proper lunch. I don't think my assumptions are outrageous.

Original poster
Libra · 22/08/2008 12:15

SP I REALLY do not think that we are unloving parents.

The very fact that I have come here to ask what others do points to the fact that we are concerned parents.

He is extremely diet conscious and certainly would not buy crisps. He is also likes the idea that he is getting a 'good deal' for his pound. Leading back to the hoarding instinct.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 22/08/2008 12:16

my son always does his packed lunch the night before ( although he doesn't have packed lunch every day). That isn't difficult. And if there are no meats he will make cheese or tuna or egg ..
And if there are none of those he will [gasp] go to the local shop and get some.

He also sorts out fruit and nuts or crisps to take in too.

I have to say I would be pretty depressed if I had to make my sons food choices for him at 14 and could not trust him not to just eat shite everyday

MrsDisapproving · 22/08/2008 12:16

definitely sounds more than capable Libra

Tortington · 22/08/2008 12:17

i give my daughter aged 15 £10 pounds a week for walking the dog am and pm and picking up dog poo - and various ad hoc chores around the house.

i buy everything else - this is here money - she worked for it - she can spend it on what she likes.

We have just moved and so i have made a recent decision to pay train fair (£1.20) for them to see their friends over the holidays - however anything else - they pay for

her twin brother (15) had set chores - and quit - he couldnt be arsed and the money wasn't important to him.

so i make him do chores ad hoc - and i dont pay him - but i have to ask him to do them. his choice.

Original poster
Libra · 22/08/2008 12:17

Thanks MrsD.
I am extremely proud of his abilities in the kitchen.
Also quite proud of my own actually.

We eat quality home cooked food every night.

OP posts:
SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:19

I have no doubt that he is capable of putting something between two slices of bread - but the fact is that he isn't doing it, and you need to discover his reasons.

As I said, kids are very capable in the kitchen - you should see what mine are capable of, even my 6 year old, brag brag brag. But that is not the point.

Kids are capable of lots of things around the house, but they often don't do them when they are supposed to.

My boys are responsible for cleaning their own bathroom, but they only do it when I tell them to that they have to do it now. They like the bathroom to be clean, but don't care enough to make it happen without being hassled. When they do it, they do it beautifully, so that proves that they have the dexterity etc. to do the job. That's not the issue.

Original poster
Libra · 22/08/2008 12:20

Actually, SP. Not quite sure what the issue is now.

I have said we will pay for his lunch and work out a monthly allowance.

But I do make it possible for him to make his own sandwiches, thereby saving money. He chooses not to do this. Instead he buys some nutritious food from the school canteen,

What precisely is your issue here?

OP posts:
pagwatch · 22/08/2008 12:21

but that presupposes SP that other peoples children are not motivated to care for their own nutrition. And that simply isn't the case.
You are assuming that other children will not be bothered about eating well unless an adult stands over.
And that is not true

MrsDisapproving · 22/08/2008 12:21

i am comtemplating getting ds, who is 9, to make his own sandwiches next term

SqueakyPop · 22/08/2008 12:22

I am going with the fact the the OP's son isn't actually making his sandwiches the night before, pagwatch.

Original poster
Libra · 22/08/2008 12:22

I agree pagwatch.

Our food issues over the holidays have focused on excessive freshly squeezed orange juice making and grape consumption.
Not crisps or fizzy drinks.

OP posts: