Stealing

[Kimdavlin]

I'm sitting here feeling ashamed to even have to say this but our 15 year old has been stealing from the whole family for about a year - we are talking hundreds of pounds and also DS2's bike and mobile. We have contacted the police who say they can do nothing. We are at our wits end. My son says he needs money mostly for cigarettes and food - we have no evidence that he is taking drugs. We don't know what to do. My husband is so angry he won't speak to DS1 except to shout at him. He says if he does it again he is going to pack his bags and he doesn't care where he goes. I don't know how to sort this out and I'm furious how DS2 is acting but at the same time he is our responsibility and I love him.

oh dear Kim,

I posted about this a couple weeks ago. My 13 yr dd has been in similar situation recently, although not huge amounts all the time.

We got the community police involved and they were very good, came to house and gave her a proper talking to.

We hope we are getting on top of the situation but still have a long way to go i feel. I really feel for you, it's a horrible situation to be in. You are really stuck in the middle aren't you with your dh. Mine just wanted to throw dd out of the window.

I can only say, keep the lines of communication open, and encourage ds to come to you no matter how angry he thinks you might be.

Kim,

I have experience of this from the other end. When I was about 14-16 I stole money from my mum, dad, my grandma and even my best friends mum. This is not something I am proud of but I thought I would let you know my side of things.

Although my reasons for stealing were a little different, my dad could be very cruel as I was a little over weight and he had no patience for me as a sloppy teenager I turned to comfort eating and obviously needed to fund this! My dad ruled with an iron fist and was extremely strict so when he found out I had stolen from him he flew off the handle in a big way, obviously this did not help the situation. It made me feel even worse, and therefore steal more to buy more food, you could draw parrallels with yours son, the extra stress may make him smoke more therefore needing more money. As soon as I was able to work at 16 the stealing stopped as I had a legitamate source of income.

Is it possible to agree an amount of pocket money which can be increased by doing certain chores? If he can earn enough to cover the cost of things he wants withoug stealing.

Most important is not to cut him off, if there are underlying reasons to his stealing it will help him to talk about them, I know my dad didnt want to hear it and just didnt speak tome for weeks which didn't help at all.

Sorry to blather on, hoe at least some of that helps.