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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

my 14 year old girl slags off what I wear

37 replies

michele61 · 27/07/2008 13:44

My teenage daughter , 14, has started to comment that what I wear might embarrass her in front of her friends. I do tend to dress ( young) because I am slim and work out, but I don't wear mini skirts or anything I don't feel comfortable or confident in. Or so I thought. Today I was wearing a top that shows my midriff, which is slim and toned, and she said "Are you wearing that out??" and it really knocked my confidence and now I've put it in the bin and feel depressed and old. I'm 47. I feel my confidence seeping away and her negative comments seem to have so much more impact than my friend's compliments or my husband's. I can't work out why what she says holds such weight for me. My mum was also slim and fit and I used to love what she wore and she used to loan me things. It was lovely.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 27/07/2008 13:46

No wonder this hurts!

Have you made clear to her how her comments make you feel?

brimfull · 27/07/2008 14:01

a top that shows your midriff is embarrassing for any child,no matter how toned your are

let her be the one that dresses like a teenager

beansprout · 27/07/2008 14:04

Sorry, but I don't think mid-riff tops are aimed at women of 47. It's great that you are slim and toned and I'm sure you carry all manner of clothes really well.

Anna8888 · 27/07/2008 14:07

My stepsons (then only 10 and 8) had a real go at me nearly three years ago telling me that I had to sort out their father's wardrobe because they were too ashamed to be seen on holiday with him (his work clothes were fine, the problem was his ancient weekend/holiday wardrobe).

So we sorted it.

It's quite OK for children to have feelings about what their parents wear and they are often quite right about what is appropriate .

Carmenere · 27/07/2008 14:08

Whilst that must be hurtful, the chances of a midriff-showing top looking good on a 47 yr old are very slim. I mean Madonna looks dreadful when she wears skimpy clothes, not because her body isn't perfect, it does seem to be but because it is a bit embarrassing to see an older woman dressing like they want to be young.
Embrace your age and dress as an elegant 47 yr old who has a fab body

MarsLady · 27/07/2008 14:11

I would imagine that part of her comments simply stem from the fact that she is 14 and they can be rather self-centred and cruel. Tell her that she's hurt your feelings and that you wouldn't talk to her like that.

If you are comfortable with what you wear then continue to wear it. I don't let my children dictate my wardrobe.

Anyway... it's it de riguer that we embarrass them in front of their friends by dint of our very existence.

MarsLady · 27/07/2008 14:12

it is

(one day perhaps I'll preview)

HonoriaGlossop · 27/07/2008 14:13

Agree that a midriff baring top doesn't really look good on older women. I hate them on everybody TBH - they are so far removed from classy.....

I think use her comments to have a re-think. Yes I can see it's hurtful but you are slim and toned - and can wear so many lovely things that some of us just can't! Dressing classily doesn't have to mean dressing old. i agree with going for elegant and letting her do the teenage styles....

have some fun with it rather than letting it bring you down

Uriel · 27/07/2008 14:14

Get your top out of the bin, wash it and wear it!

Don't let your dd dictate what you wear.

Boco · 27/07/2008 14:16

If I took fashion advice from my children I'd be wearing a beautiful swirly princess dress in polyester with sparkly bits and pointy plastic shoes and a long pointy hat and lots of blusher and pink lips and purple eyeshadow, I'd dance to the colours of the wind and bluebirds would alight on my hand.

But they are small and have terrible taste.

However, I will still not listen to them when I'm 14 - have you seen how most 14 year olds dress?!

If you feel comfortable then I think you should wear what you want ,but make sure she understands the impact of her criticisms.

combustiblelemon · 27/07/2008 14:37

On the beach or if you were to take up belly dancing, great, otherwise put it away! I really think it looks tacky on anyone out of their teens. If you've got a great figure, show it off with beautiful clothes- you don't have to show skin to prove it. You're not old, but I really think that wearing very 'young' clothes adds about ten years.

Teenagers are supposed to be scathing about what you wear, so don't get too upset by your daughter.

wheresthehamster · 27/07/2008 14:43

I run everything past dd1 and dd2. I'm actually a bit more adventurous with clothes now as well thanks to them. I don't know why I trust them though - dd2 yesterday in boiling hot sunshine was wearing denim shorts with black tights and white shoes. Eeurgh.

snorkle · 27/07/2008 17:36

I find dd (nearly 13) is brilliant help when clothes shopping (and there's a huge difference in the sort of stuff we wear). She can tell me what is flattering & what's not in a polite and reasoned way - I think young girls can have a very good eye. Michele, I'd try and find out why she thinks what you wear might be embarassing and find out what she thinks you should be wearing. Then discuss your feelings about what you like to wear & see if you can come to a compromise. If she's being negative ignore her (& let her know you will), but if she can be constructive and helpful listen.

suedonim · 27/07/2008 19:10

Are you wearing the same sort of thing that your dd likes to wear? No teenager wants to look like a clone of their mother because it looks as though mum is trying too hard to keep up with the 'young ones'. I like to think I keep up with modern styles but I hope I don't embarrass my dc. In fact, I know I don't embarrass them as they'd have told me in no uncertain terms.

allgonebellyup · 27/07/2008 19:17

erm , i agree with the others, 47 is not the best age to be wearing a midriff baring top, or any age for that matter!
i am 28 (and slim)and dress fairly young,eg skinny jeans etc, and it embarrasses my dd, who is only 8!
i wouldnt be seen dead in a crop top that shows my stomach, its not classy, i think it looks a bit cheap.
Let your daughter be the teenager, dont embarrass her any more!

Podrick · 27/07/2008 19:33

My 8 yr old dd says "it's a free country, wear what you like!"

lljkk · 27/07/2008 19:40

I'm with Podrick, and if you've got it, flaunt it!

SilentTerror · 27/07/2008 20:54

Michelle,whilst I understand your pain,having an 18 year old DD who never spares her opinions on my clothes I think that maybe she has a point.She probably feels you are competing with her in some way.
You don't need to dress like a teenager to look and feel good. Embrace the clothes that you can wear,and look fantastic in.
A few years ago my daughter would 'borrow' my clothes,and it made me realise that if she likes them so much,maybe I shouldn't be wearing them,ifyswim.

expatinscotland · 27/07/2008 20:58

I'm with Carmenere on Sun 27-Jul-08 14:08:18.

It doesn't matter how slim and fit you are, dressing like a teen when you're 47 is straight up muttony.

mumeeee · 27/07/2008 23:20

Sorry I think she was right about the top. 47 is to old to be wearing a top that shows tyour midriff.They are for teenagers.

Original poster

michele61 · 28/07/2008 10:25

Thanks for all your feedback. I feel worse than ever. This was a tiny bit of midriff, I hasten to add, but the top is in the bin as I will bin others that show any flesh. Seriously. Maybe the Hassidic women who live round my parts have the right idea.
yours,
The Mutton

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 28/07/2008 11:02

oh dear

It is clear that a group of MNers are worse than a 14 yr old girl

I think I knew that

Michele really don't feel bad, use it as a chance to buy a whole new wardrobe - of course that doesn't come cheap and your DD may just have to do without pocket money while you re-stock

stleger · 28/07/2008 11:12

Michele, keep the tops! I wish my midriff was worth baring. And the weather suitable for doing it....I have the 14 year old, who has gone to meet her boyfriend's mum in a white top with orange bra.

lljkk · 28/07/2008 18:18

OP should put 2 pix on her profile, her & her DD each wearing same outfit, tummy on view. I bet most MNNers can't tell who is who!

BarefootShirl · 28/07/2008 22:14

Michele, wear what YOU want to wear, not your daughter's choice - after all, she wouldn't think twice about wearing something you didn't approve of! As for the midriff, I am a few years behind you but still regularly showing mine and I'm certainly no gym-bunny but I'm comfortable with it and so is DH and ultimately that's all that matters.

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