my 14 year old girl slags off what I wear

[michele61]

My teenage daughter , 14, has started to comment that what I wear might embarrass her in front of her friends. I do tend to dress ( young) because I am slim and work out, but I don't wear mini skirts or anything I don't feel comfortable or confident in. Or so I thought. Today I was wearing a top that shows my midriff, which is slim and toned, and she said "Are you wearing that out??" and it really knocked my confidence and now I've put it in the bin and feel depressed and old. I'm 47. I feel my confidence seeping away and her negative comments seem to have so much more impact than my friend's compliments or my husband's. I can't work out why what she says holds such weight for me. My mum was also slim and fit and I used to love what she wore and she used to loan me things. It was lovely.

[toddlerama]

Congrats on having a great figure by the way! I'm very jealous - at 27 I have a jelly belly and a half!!

[toddlerama]

You could suggest going shopping together for some stuff? As some one else already said, teenagers have a good eye even if they go practically naked themselves! I remember me and my mum going through this and I used to feel so happy when she wore something I had picked out for here - like she valued my opinion.

[honeyandlemon]

Michelle - you wear what you like - and why not?? don't worry about it - be yourself. I'm envious - I haven't got the body for it, but if I had I would!!

[Tortington]

My dd, hates my clothes, but I ask her to try to be objective.
"ok, so its not something YOU would wear granted, but does it look ok on me?"

type of thing

other times ( most of the time) i say " well if you did, i'd worry, i certainly don't want a 15 year olds dress sense"

[Tidgypuds]

There are so many sexy beautiful clothes out there that dont show off vast amounts of flesh.
I would like to think that at your age I will be toned and slim but would hope that I was confident enough with myself that I didnt feel the need to flaunt it.

[oneoftheyoungns]

well i am 16 nd lovin it nd my mum wears backless tops nd skinny jeans... but wudn be to kean on the middrift revealing top myself neva mind when in my late 40 but except for that you should where what ever you like im always borrowing my mums clothes nd she's 43 wud neva tell her she looks like mutton she can where what eva she likes im not bothered so tell your dd how u feel nd dont take no hurt from it cause she is hittin her teens....

[tarantula]

I so agree. Part of our job as parents is to embarrass our teenage kids, just by existing obviously.
Wear what you fancy I say. I do and sod everyone else.

[45nanny]

MAMHAF. you gave me the best laugh i have had all week .

[mamhaf]

Agree with auntem.

I tell my dds that they'll find it's in the small print of their contract that their parents will embarrass them - it's payback for the tantrums in Tesco we had to endure when they were toddlers.

[AuntEm]

Anything you wear, say or do is likely to embarass your daughter in front of her friends. It doesn't take much to embarass a 14 yo IME, in fact I might have to start wearing my invisibility cloak when dd's friends are around. Wear what you feel happy with and stay confident, for her sake as well as yours.

[lovemyprincessandprince]

Hi

Im a 18 Year old and my Partners Mother is 47 years old and she has the body of a teenager and dress's like one too
which i think any one over the age of 40 who can still dress like that is doing a bloody good job... im sorry to think your child thinks you should'nt dress like that .. does she want you to dress like a 70 year old???

and any way she will be your age one day and is she going to dress like a 70 year old???

ask her ??

and way i think its brill you are so confident and dont let people bring you down... wear what you want to wear and live your life... your only 47 once

[nappyaddict]

was it actually a crop top or just a normal top that's a little bit short and shows the gap between your jeans and your t-shirt?

[BarefootShirl]

Michele, wear what YOU want to wear, not your daughter's choice - after all, she wouldn't think twice about wearing something you didn't approve of! As for the midriff, I am a few years behind you but still regularly showing mine and I'm certainly no gym-bunny but I'm comfortable with it and so is DH and ultimately that's all that matters.

[lljkk]

OP should put 2 pix on her profile, her & her DD each wearing same outfit, tummy on view. I bet most MNNers can't tell who is who!

[stleger]

Michele, keep the tops! I wish my midriff was worth baring. And the weather suitable for doing it....I have the 14 year old, who has gone to meet her boyfriend's mum in a white top with orange bra.

[HonoriaGlossop]

oh dear

It is clear that a group of MNers are worse than a 14 yr old girl

I think I knew that

Michele really don't feel bad, use it as a chance to buy a whole new wardrobe - of course that doesn't come cheap and your DD may just have to do without pocket money while you re-stock

[michele61]

Thanks for all your feedback. I feel worse than ever. This was a tiny bit of midriff, I hasten to add, but the top is in the bin as I will bin others that show any flesh. Seriously. Maybe the Hassidic women who live round my parts have the right idea.
yours,
The Mutton

[mumeeee]

Sorry I think she was right about the top. 47 is to old to be wearing a top that shows tyour midriff.They are for teenagers.

[expatinscotland]

I'm with Carmenere on Sun 27-Jul-08 14:08:18.

It doesn't matter how slim and fit you are, dressing like a teen when you're 47 is straight up muttony.

[SilentTerror]

Michelle,whilst I understand your pain,having an 18 year old DD who never spares her opinions on my clothes I think that maybe she has a point.She probably feels you are competing with her in some way.
You don't need to dress like a teenager to look and feel good. Embrace the clothes that you can wear,and look fantastic in.
A few years ago my daughter would 'borrow' my clothes,and it made me realise that if she likes them so much,maybe I shouldn't be wearing them,ifyswim.

[lljkk]

I'm with Podrick, and if you've got it, flaunt it!

[Podrick]

My 8 yr old dd says "it's a free country, wear what you like!"

[allgonebellyup]

erm , i agree with the others, 47 is not the best age to be wearing a midriff baring top, or any age for that matter!
i am 28 (and slim)and dress fairly young,eg skinny jeans etc, and it embarrasses my dd, who is only 8!
i wouldnt be seen dead in a crop top that shows my stomach, its not classy, i think it looks a bit cheap.
Let your daughter be the teenager, dont embarrass her any more!

[suedonim]

Are you wearing the same sort of thing that your dd likes to wear? No teenager wants to look like a clone of their mother because it looks as though mum is trying too hard to keep up with the 'young ones'. I like to think I keep up with modern styles but I hope I don't embarrass my dc. In fact, I know I don't embarrass them as they'd have told me in no uncertain terms.

[snorkle]

I find dd (nearly 13) is brilliant help when clothes shopping (and there's a huge difference in the sort of stuff we wear). She can tell me what is flattering & what's not in a polite and reasoned way - I think young girls can have a very good eye. Michele, I'd try and find out why she thinks what you wear might be embarassing and find out what she thinks you should be wearing. Then discuss your feelings about what you like to wear & see if you can come to a compromise. If she's being negative ignore her (& let her know you will), but if she can be constructive and helpful listen.