Found condoms...

[shockednamechange]

This will sound odd really. DS is 19 and in second year at uni. Always had a big social circle but no sign of a girlfriend ever. Would occasionally talk with his brother about celebrities he fancied but also often said he never wants a relationship/to live with anyone/get married/have kids. Sometimes I put it down to being one of his idiosyncrasies as he's quite an eccentric really but sometimes he sounded so adamant I actually found it a bit upsetting.

After a year at uni he made lots of new friends but still no sign of anything romantic. Now I have just picked up a random carrier bag in the spare room and it has a half empty box of condoms in it, among other bits and bobs of his.

So it's none of my business and perfectly normal and good, but it feels so weird that I would otherwise have had no inkling had I not found this bag, and I'm still a bit sad that this is happening but no actual girlfriend appears to be on the scene at all.

There's no point in me posting because there's nothing for me to do but his dad is not around and I just wanted to share...

The only relevant sentence you wrote is “it's none of my business”. Remember that and you will be fine.

Maybe he’s just having sex - there is no gf 🤷‍♀️

I’m surprised you have any kind of emotional reaction to this to be honest. Did you think he was a virgin? Are you upset that he’s having sex outside of a relationship? What’s the actual issue?

Judging from what you say he’s said before about not wanting marriage or a long term partner, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to engage in casual sex. Not everyone wants the typical lifestyle of dating and marrying, he might just be happy with casual sex. He sounds like he has a fulfilled life, I don’t think you should be so concerned with his lack of a romantic life, as it doesn’t seem to trouble him. Not everyone wants romance.

19 year old practices safe sex, it's none of my business and perfectly normal

That’s what I took from this

That's a very odd thing to be sad about.

Be proud that he's being sensible with protection.

And, with kindness, cut the apron strings.

And don't go nosing in bags in your DCs' rooms.

You "just wanted to share" that your son, who's at uni and had been legally old enough to have sex for 3 years, has had sex?
Why?

Very weird. You can have sex and not be in a relationship

Yes, that's what I'm a bit sad about, though I know I shouldn't be.

I absolutely did not nose in his room or stuff. The carrier bag was in the spare room, which can be a bit of a dumping ground. I picked it up to use as we'd run out of bags for the cat litter tray content to go in, and that was what was in there. I shoved them back in and found another bag, but if he didn't want them found he shouldn't have dumped the bag in the spare room!

ETA: not sad but a bit...discombobulated?

Of course he’s shagging! Like any other 19 year old at uni. At least he’s being sensible about it and has protection. He was barely going to announce it on the family WhatsApp was he.

stop snooping and mind your own business

He's 19, no surprises there surely.

Maybe he is seeing someone but its too early for the whole meet the parents thing and he wants his private life kept private!

Ok so not "sad" but "discombobulated" and, according to your name change, also "shocked"

Were you a virgin until marriage or something? I would be more shocked if a 19 yr old man at uni was not having sex. He's using protection, good for him. And he's not hiding them from you, cos there's nothing to hide.

I kind of understand. For some people the idea of sex outside a relationship is something that feels wrong and questionable. If that's your life view it's a bit upsetting to find out it isn't shared by your kids. I guess you are allowed a moment of disappointment before you move on.

I had sex with people at uni without telling my parents (obviously). Not because it was "too early" for them to meet but because there was no fucking way they were ever going to meet my parents and indeed very little chance I would meet them again. So you know, it could also be that.

Strange thing to be sad about.

At 19 he should not be in a hurry to have a long term girlfriend or boyfriend (which might be why he has been quiet about his private life by the way).

Being at university means an opportunity to both focus on studying and enjoy his freedom and youth.

I am more concerned as well that you are going through his bags...he is an adult now and deserves privacy.

Could be gay? bi?

Just be pleased he’s using condoms and mind your business!

Could be straight? Posh wank?

Isn't shagging one of the reasons to go to uni?

Tbf she wasn't going through his bags, he'd left it in a spare room. Which is probably because he doesn't think it's something he needs to hide, and probably doesn't realise it would shock and upset his mum so much.

He could even be filling them up with water and dropping them out of his bedroom window.

The vast majority of parents would be delighted that he's sensible enjoy to use protection.

He's 19. His sex life is absolutely none of your business and it's inappropiate thaf you think otherwise.

Isn’t that Prince William’s nickname?