Help! How do you stop kids bypassing internet / phone controls to watch porn?

[Namechangedisaster]

Just this. I've just realised that DS is accessing adult content via proxies. I thought I had iphone locked down with parental controls on the device (via Screen Time) and by the provider (all parental controls set appropriately and regularly updated and checked).

Aparently this all counts for nothing, because teens know more about tech than we do. He's accessing the entire web via proxies and this has got around all my controls.

I had NO IDEA this was a thing.

Apart from taking the phone away, what can I do to stop this? I feel absolutely sick about what he has already seen

One thing that often gets missed is that the app itself can be the loophole. Kids do not need to beat the controls if an app nobody thought to restrict has private messaging built in. Pinterest is the classic one, it looks like harmless mood boards but it has DMs and strangers can contact kids on it. Worth reviewing every app with any messaging feature, not just the obvious social ones. This piece explains the Pinterest side well learning.kidsnclicks.com/pinterest-ban/

Declaring an interest first: I'm Sam, and I make PSHE lessons for secondary schools, including on porn and online misogyny.

Lots of good tech advice on here already. The bit I'd add is the conversation, because controls only ever buy you time and he's already seen things that need unpicking.

What tends to work with boys this age:

• Keep shame out of it. Curiosity at 13 is normal, the problem is what the content teaches. If he feels disgusting he'll just hide it better.
• Ask before you tell. "What have you seen that confused you or seemed off?" gets far more than a lecture.
• Be specific about why it's a problem: it isn't what real sex or relationships look like, a lot of it is aggressive towards women, consent is missing, and it's designed to keep you watching.
• Do it side by side, in the car or on a walk, not across a table.
• Make it lots of short chats rather than one big talk, and tell him that if he sees something that upsets him he can come to you without automatically losing his phone. That's what keeps him talking to you instead of his mates.

Childline and Internet Matters both have free guides if you'd like something to read first. Hope it goes ok, you're clearly trying hard.

Adding to the tech side of this. On iPhone, a lot of the bypass tricks work because only one or two settings got switched on, not the handful that actually do the work. This guide covers the four settings that matter most and, just as useful, what the controls cannot reach, which is usually where the bypassing happens
kidsnclicks.com/parental-controls-iphone/

Also worth checking for a VPN app on the phone. If a free VPN is installed, the home network filters stop applying and it takes a minute to add. Restricting app installs and removing unknown VPN apps closes that hole.