@Namechangedisasterwe need to remember that this is the first generation to experience these issues. Parents haven’t had to deal with smartphones etc until relatively recently, and we are all still learning. Those who think they have all the answers are deluded and, from experience, are the ones with children doing things whilst the parents are in blissful ignorance.
I’m not saying I know the answers. I’ve always been of the opinion that we cannot remove the possibility of children seeing inappropriate things online. Teens especially often find ways around controls (as you’ve discovered), so in my opinion the best way is to try to educate children from a young age about staying safe online. We wouldn’t give them the keys to a car with no instruction about how to drive safely, so we shouldn’t give them access to the internet without teaching them about online safety.
For those saying just take his phone away, at least some of his friends will have full access and are likely to try to show him inappropriate content. They may even give him an old phone of theirs. Taking away his devices does not remove the problem; it shifts it elsewhere.
For those saying don’t give him any money, surely everyone has read the reports about the problem of county lines where teens are dragged in as a way of making extra money.
We have to remember that teens aren’t stupid. They find ways around things. Their brains are programmed to take risks and push boundaries. Parents have to recognise this.
For those saying have restrictions on his phones, I agree that it’s wise to set up controls where they need parents to approve new apps for example. But it doesn’t entirely remove the risk. Surely everyone knows about the You Tube kids problems with the Peppa Pig cartoons. Parents thought they had full control, yet their kids were being shown inappropriate content on a supposedly safe site.
I think we need to teach children that there awful things online and explain how to be as safe as possible (eg being careful which apps to download, not joining large what’s app groups, being careful which search terms they use in search engines, being careful about the content they view on social media because of the way algorithms work etc).
I don’t think we can expect to say to children and teens “don’t do x” without any explanation. We need to give them reasons so they understand. For example, don’t cross a road without looking, as you may get knocked over. Don’t take drugs because it’s illegal, could affect the rest of your life, can damage your health or kill you. Don’t get blindingly drunk because you will be very vulnerable and could end up being harmed. It’s the same online. Don’t send nudes because the images are there forever and could end up getting shared widely. Would they want their headmaster or grandma seeing those images? Don’t try to access porn sites, because of the harm being done to those involved, because you’ll see things you will never be able to unsee, and because some of the things on there are revolting and illegal.
As parents, we need frank discussions with our children and teens, no matter how embarrassing. We need to make time to educate them about the internet. I firmly believe that locking down everything so they can’t access much isn’t the answer. There will come a time where they will have full access to the internet and they need to have been taught how to use it safely. Locking it down or removing all devices may give parents the impression they are being very responsible. I don’t think it does them any favours though. Their friends may try to show them inappropriate content and they will have full control of their own devices at some point. They need to have learnt how to use them safely.