Rules for teenagers driving and travelling in friends' cars

[Northernandgrumpy]

I have 2 teenagers and wondered what your thoughts on how to navigate parenting newly qualified drivers and going in friends cars. My daughter is 19 and has been driving for 6 months. She does drive friends aground but seems pretty responsible. But she does have a friend through college who has recently been arrested for dangerous driving which tragically ended with one of their passengers dying. He is now awaiting a court date and it such a devastating case for all. My son is 17 and is now learning to drive and I’m really anxious about him starting to go in his friend’s cars. Do others have rules. I was really hoping the government would follow norther Ireland with tougher rules.

I told my daughter she can call me anytime from anywhere I will get her home.

I asked her to photograph the number plate of any taxi before she got in it, and send me a screenshot of it - explain to the cabby her dads waiting for her and he’s ridiculously overprotective. I always had £50 in a drawer at home to pay a cabby. But I would be unlikely to do that now - I’d prefer to collect them myself tbh.

I said if you feel unsafe at any point say you are going to vomit and get out the car and call me. No matter where you are/ the time etc.

A school friend died in a friends car when we were 17. The driver survived. I told her that from a young age, a needless tragedy that no doubt still haunts the driver.

She was always quite cautious as a person tho and her girl friends were sensible too.

I also said anyone can stay over in our living room. Leave your cars here and come back here. Make yourselves food. Pizzas are in the freezer. I’d prefer 7 girls safely in my living room rather than someone driving home late at night / or after even one drink.

All you can do is reinforce never, ever to get into a car if you think (or know) the driver has have been drinking, or has taken drugs.

As a PP said, my dc knew that I could get up and pick them up at any time of the day or night.

What kind of rules are you thinking? Not being arsey btw! Just curious.

My Inlaws live in NI and my nephews are under 24 and the restrictions placed on new young drivers are strict but not unreasonable, reading about these young people today really highlights the need for tighter restrictions,

It is absolutely tragic.

You can’t really enforce a rule at 18 though. It’s such a worry though isn’t it? I have a nearly 17 year old son and it’s just another brutal thing to worry about. It’s all just so much fun isn’t it, parenting. No answers I’m afraid. Unfortunately. I just make my own son aware that when he is driving friends around he is responsible for their lives also. I try my hardest to get the penny to drop. That’s all you can do isn’t it ?

Accident rates increase alongside the number of people who are in the car. My friend's dad had a rule - he would pay for the car and insurance on the strict basis that my friend never had more than 2 passengers in the car. We all thought it was over strict as teenagers but now I think he was eminently sensible!

Mine all have trackers that alert if their driving is poor/fast/etc

We cover their insurance and this is a condition - they are welcome to pay their own and not have trackers.

I don't track their phones, I don't actually track their car- if they drive sensibly I would have no knowledge of where they were - but if they drive badly I know and I would take the car away.

Friends is harder. I have talked lots about checking that that the car is ok, making sure they are not impaired - and I have always told them that no matter where they are, if they feel unsafe ring me and I will fetch them.

I asked the driving instructor to have a word as thought it might reinforce the message. It’s a worry as if we impose rules I can’t know what’s happening and suspect at times they’ll be broken.

We’ve said, if you ever feel the person supposed to be driving you is unsafe, call and we will come. Whatever the time. Dd was actually the first in her group to drive and very sensible so that helps but dtds are August born so that’ll be different. Dd2 has a friend who is about to learn to ride a motorbike as he’s 16. I’ve said she cannot go on his bike until he’s experienced and that’s at least 5 years and never in the rain (in 5 years she’s going to be 20 so I probably can’t enforce that one but I wanted to make the point about experience).

dd1 had an accident at 6 months into driving (this summer) and thankfully we had installed front and rear cameras as the other driver tried to blame her. It was a lady in her 60s and we ended to submitting the footage to the police as it was careless driving and dd was driving safely. Other driver has been prosecuted and has to do a fitness to drive assessment. Dd is having weekly physio.

I have a nineteen year old who has about six months good varied experience. When younger, her Dad and I ( both professional drivers) have always made it clear that driver is a privilege, not a right and that you need to be confident in your road positioning, indicating etc, as you can't rely on the other idiots on tge road. She's already lost that new driver feel as she covers over 1000 miles a month. She's also by nature, very calm and responsible which helps in regards to my confidence in her.

@TeenLifeMum

Can you recommend a dash cam system please? I’m looking into this currently as it seems sensible but there’s so much choice. Just want front/rear camera and simple to use system. Thank you.

We went with next base from Halfords and they fitted it (as dh and I do not have the skills to). Footage was great quality.

@TeenLifeMum

Thanks for the recommendation. That’s exactly what I’m looking for.