Bit of background, my daughter is 14 and has talked about her school ski trip since Y7. She’s now in Y10, which is the year they go, and she has always said how desperately she wanted to go and how amazing she’d heard it was.
At the end of last academic year, we were given information about both a 3 day Disney trip and the ski trip. We had to pay a deposit by a certain date for whichever trip(s) we wanted our child to go on.
I asked my daughter what she wanted to do and she was absolutely adamant that she only wanted the ski trip. She didn’t want Disney (we’ve been as a family anyway) and was panicking that I might forget to pay the ski deposit because she wanted it done straight away. We discussed that it would probably be oversubscribed, that some of her friends might get on and others might not, and that there was a possibility she could get on and her friends couldn’t. She was very clear that she didn’t care because she wanted to go for the experience and would know other people going.
We also discussed the cost because it’s a total of £1,800. £200 non-refundable deposit and then £400 a month until January. She knew exactly what she was committing to and that this was not a small amount we had to pay and was still adamant she wanted to go.
Fast forward to now and her ‘best friend’s’ mum forgot to pay the deposit in time, so her best friend can’t go.
My daughter has completely changed her mind and is now saying she absolutely does not want to go. This has been going on for about a week. She’s also been incredibly rude and ungrateful about the whole thing, which obviously isn’t acceptable. She does have ADHD and she can process things differently and be very irrational with her thinking but I’m not using that as an excuse for her rude/ungrateful behaviour.
We’ve talked it through repeatedly and reminded her that she begged to go, that we discussed the possibility of friends not getting on, and that she was very clear she still wanted to go. She does know other people going, but at the moment she is being incredibly stubborn about it.
We’ve also spoken to the school, who have been really helpful. They’ve shown her the list of pupils going and talked to her about how amazing the trip is going to be.
The dilemma is that the next £400 payment is due tomorrow.
Do I pull her out because she’s now saying she doesn’t want to go, knowing that in a few weeks/months she could potentially be absolutely gutted that she’s missing out? Or do I keep encouraging her to go and give her some time to get over the fact that her best friend isn’t going?
Her dad and I are in a disagreement. He’s very much of the opinion that if she says she doesn’t want to go, that’s it. She then has to accept the money already lost and can’t change her mind later, particularly because it’s oversubscribed and there’s a waiting list. Once the decision is made, it’s tough.
Part of me completely agrees with him. But I also worry because she has done this before with DofE and some other things outside school, initially saying she absolutely doesn’t want to do something, being encouraged to go anyway, and then having an absolutely amazing time.
She’s sporty, very bubbly and outgoing, so I genuinely think she could have an incredible time once she’s there. I’m just worried that we’re making a decision based on a very immediate emotional reaction to her best friend not going, rather than what she actually wanted for the last three years.
What would you do?
Would you respect her decision and pull her out, or encourage her to go despite her current feelings?
I’m probably massively overthinking it, but the joys of teenagers!