Just wondering if anyone else is in this situation...I separated from my ex 4.5 years ago after I had some therapy for anxiety and also to learn how to communicate with my partner (now ex) as we werent getting on. It didn't take long for the therapist to help me realise that he was being abusive- ignoring me, having no empathy, leaving me to do all the kid admin, cleaning, cooking, etc. It got worse, name calling, screaming at me and swearing and telling me I was mentally ill, everyone else thought there was something wrong with me inckuding my family. He left and I slowly put myself back together. I didn't tell many people why we separated as I think I am still a bit ashamed I but up with it for so long and I'm embarrassed. My close friends know but I lost our mutual friends as they took his side- on the face of it we had the perfect relationship and he is very charming to other people. Even writing this I'm thinking that it was all my fault that I lost friends and that maybe it was me but I remember the therapist and things he said- like the therapist should be struck off for believing my lies.
Anyway, we have 2 kids and share 50/50- the kids love their dad- he's the fun dad and I'm the more strict one.
Expect my son who is in year 11 and will do his GCSE's this Summer is so so rude to me. We are actually very close and he tells me most things, I think. We have talks about girlfriends, contraception, consent- all the conversations that could be awkward and he says he wouldn't be able to talk to his dad about these things.
DS has always been fiery and strong willed and we can clash. When he is angry he swears at me and calls me names, like his dad did. I just walk away and talk to him later when he is calm, and he apologises and says he feels so angry sometimes. I get that. Lately I have been putting in sanctions too, he doesn't go out with his friends on the Saturday after.
I went on a Parenting course and got some good strategies about reconnecting etc.
On Sunday he came back from his dads having done no revision at all- we had put a plan together and it was really working. He was revising a lot and getting his homework done well. I messaged his dad and said please keep up the momentum while he is at yours.
Last night he had homework for this morning and he just freaked out, refusing to do it, shouting and swearing and then taking it out on me. I offered to help and also said I can't make you do it but you should do it. He flipped out more and swore and called me awful names
So I called his dad and asked him to come and get him. I told them both that I'm not being spoken to like that anymore in my own house. My son said he hates me and doesn't care.
I know he doesn't hate me and he's lashing out in stress but I can't do it anymore. I love him so much but I've got enough going on- I had surgery last weel and am waiting for the results to see if I have breast cancer.
But on the flip side, I've sent him off the to his dads where he will have such fun and do no revision, 5 weeks before his mock mocks, which the grades count towards college applications.
I'm just so tired of it....