Year 11 school refusal

[Pumpkinspicelatte02]

My son does not have an official diagnosis, we go round in circles with it. But we believe adhd , asd and some pda thrown in. With alot of anxiety and frustration.
Son has hated school forever. Had problems from day 1. We are on the home stretch now, year 11.
Things have been building over the past couple of years. The harder the work has got and the more pressure on him hes started to act out with bad behaviours , and refuse to do things such as any school work at home. And particularly now will not do any revision for GCSE'S.
Every day is stress, phone calls from school, and him getting into trouble. Hes went back yesterday and today he is refusing to go.
We had a long talk last night with me telling him hes nearly at the end now but hes just shut down. School are very accommodating. Hes on the sen register. Has a classroom support plan. Exceptions are made. But if he behaves badly then obviously that has to be dealt with accordingly.
What are our options from here now. Im a newly single parent, husband has washed his hands of him and wont help us.
Son is bigger than me. I cant physically get him to school if he refuses.
He has no intention of revising etc so Is likely to fail all exams. We want him to just try and get english and maths.
Ive emailed the school and the staff member who is my point of communication regarding my son. What can they do at this point?
Son wants a reduced timetable but I cant even see him attending that.
Any advice please before the staff member calls me today

Your ex washed his hands of your DS.
Therein lies the root of the current problem.

Son has had problems since first day of school age 4. Never had an ok day. Hes nearly 16 now. Husband and I only split a couple of months ago and house and family better off for it.

Im not asking the root of the problem. Im asking what help is there for him other than just forcing him into school

All you can do is work with the school and your DS on getting a reduced timetable and try and persuade him to get maths and English.

Do you think looking at college courses for next year would motivate him? If he had something in mind he wanted to do he could just focus on the maths and English so he doesn’t have to resist.
Alternatively are there colleges in your area that take 14+? Could he transfer there?

It does sound like you have been through a lot as a family though so please remember it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t pass his GCSEs this year, he can do resits in college. Focus on getting his diagnosis and improving his mental health.

I would definitely look at a 14-16 college programme where they pretty much just focus on GCSE English and Maths as the main thing.

Are there any colleges close by that offer 14-16 placements? They often offer practical courses alongside English and maths. Does he know what he would like to study at college? What he would like to do when he is older?

Sorry you are going through this (and sorry that the first response was so unhelpful 🙄).

In terms of help, sadly there may or may not be much more than you already have (school accommodations) as CAMHS waiting lists tend to be years long. There may be "early help" mental health support - has school mentioned this? - or you could Google EBSA (emotional based school refusal) support in your area. But it seems to be a bit of a postcode lottery.

There is a list of school accommodations on my local sendiass here, so you can see if there are any ideas here that you haven't already tried. https://www.greenwichsendiass.uk/pages/info-and-advice/education/emotional-based-school-avoidance-ebsa

If he is asking for a part time timetable, I would definitely support him to try that. It would show that you are listening and respect his viewpoint (even if it ultimately doesn't work).

It may be that he does much better outside a school environment. How is he outside school? Does he have anything he really enjoys or feels good at?

He doesn't have to do his GCSEs this year. These days there are so many alternatives. You can look into local FE colleges to reassure yourself and him that other options exist and he can do GCSE or equivalent when he is 16. If knowing this helps take the pressure off, it might help him.

I'm sure other posters will have plenty more suggestions, and you could also post on the SEN boards.

Best of luck - it sounds like you have been dealing with some very difficult circumstances over a long period, so be kind to yourself too (and ignore any shitty posters...)

Our local colleges are 16+. There are a couple in the next council district but are over 30 miles away .
Im so worried im going to get into trouble if he doesnt go in. I used to work in a school office myself and saw how seriously attendance was taken. They had no empathy for the reasons and were solely focused on getting the child in, or threatening the parent with fines and prosecution. How is that going to help me in this situation?
We are so close to the finish line of school. I just want to get him through this year with as much support as possible. But even i am gobsmacked that weve only got 1 day in before the refusal started. Feels along time until next June!

What does he want to do post school? Would he consider college or an apprenticeship?

Would your son accept working online if he can stay home? Agree with the school to sit the exams there. Take the school pressure off but the non negotiable is putting in the work. Resources such as Save My Exams work through most specs and that, combined with him at least looking at past papers, could get him to those passes. Then he can move on to college post-16. That’s giving him the choice but he needs to agree to his side of this. If school won’t agree; pull him out to home educate and get the English & Maths passes. However - you’d have to pay for the exams yourself as a private candidate.

Is his school part of a MAT? If so, do they have an AP school? I'd be asking and seeing if they'd accept him to just get maths and english and maybe a vocational qualification.

It's very difficult. I've been there.

The only thing I could suggest that might help is visiting the local colleges to see what options could be available for next year. Perhaps there are some vocational courses he would like better than school.

The college will really encourage trying his best in maths and English as if he passes those life at college is a lot easier without resits. If he likes what the college is offering it might give him some hope and motivation for the future.

14 - 16 college is great in theory. The reality is very different. I can only assume the posters suggesting this have never actually experienced trying to get a child a 14 - 16 place. In our area places are like gold dust, an EHCP is needed and to also have been completely out of education for 12 months already. ie too little too late as always.

My DD was hardly able to attend in year 10 and 11. College, although not great, has been a little better.

He wants to do bricklaying apprenticeship or college. He will flourish i hope once he leaves school as its only that environment he struggles in. Hes done two lots of work experience and did great. Especially if he can earn money , a good incentive.
At the moment hes giving up all hope and feels like everyone hates him.
He goes to a specialist university technical college now, its different to a normal high school. Its independent so no MAT.

Try and get the school to be willing to let him drop some of his subjects?
How many is he doing?
Most schools seem to insist on 8-10 different subjects which in my opinion is far too much. Especially if they then have 2 or 3 actual exam papers per subject.
My daughter -ASD and anxiety (diagnosed) and possibly PDA and/or ADHD (not diagnosed) has never coped with doing homework at home right from Reception (even when it was "collect some leaves on you way to school").
To her mind school was school (where you do work) and home was home (where you don't).
But she was sometimes ok with being in the library and doing homework there (because it's at school).
If he could drop some classes and spend those lesson times in the library doing his homework that might work.

Have you got a council run home ed hub, to get him through English and Maths or Functional Skills so he can get to college?

Can you take him to college open days - they are all happening in the next few months - to show him how it'll be different there, there is hope/life after school, he can achieve stuff and do vocational courses if he just gets some GCSE passes?

How old is he OP? If he's already or nearly 16, let him leave, look for a vacancy in a site and let him get going in life. If he needs his maths and English GCSE, he can still get them.

I know I'm missing the point here but this is why this country's education system is so out of date and archaic. It has utterly failed the OPs son. No child should have been through a full time 11/12 years of school and looking at failing all their exams. It just should not be happening at all if the system worked.

@Blimmikit unfortunately as he is in Year 11 he has still not yet reached the statutory school leaving age which is the last Friday in June of the academic year he turns 16.
So even if his birthday is tomorrow he can't leave school until next June.
No one would legally be able to employ him as a full time employee.

How many gcse is currently supposed to be taking. Will school agree to cut it back to the basics? Maths, English and any other that he enjoys? Any creative subjects?? That would be my first choice.

Sick note? From GP, to log it..

I would take a look at your local college to see what qualifications he needs for his course, some times there are courses you can start on with no or little qualifications and then work up the levels and taking English and maths along side. Our local college has a 14-16 course for home educating children only, but you need to have been home educated and known to the LA EHE team for a minimum of year to qualify. Could you home educated and Take away the school stress? You would be responsible for his education and paying for any qualifications he wants to take e.g his GCSEs in English, maths or the functional skills level 2 equivalent exams.

The reduced timetable can help and if your son wants it, that’s actually great and definitely worth a go. I tutor kids with EBSA so I see how hard it is on them and their families. Going back to school after the long holiday is the worst. He might be open to having more subjects slotted in as the year progresses.