son and I constantly bickering

[Carol52]

my son is 20 . Going to his second year university has a new girlfriend. recently not getting on with his friends do much to be honest they all have a bit of a ego.
We are constantly bickering which is not like us. I am getting frustrated at the way he is talking to me and now i am talking disrespectfully back. He had a break up earlier this year from a 3 and a half year relationship which he was open about and we talked alot so i dont understand if something is bothering him why doesn’t he say. but its annoying the lack of respect. as i a

Well clearly don’t talk disrespectfully back. You need to calmly pull him up on his behaviour at the time. Model respectful behaviour back to him. Then when everyone has cooled down, say to him “I’ve noticed you are speaking to me in this way can you please be mindful, is something bothering you” etc… as at the moment you sound as bad as him!

Just wanted to say I can empathise. My DS is younger (16) but I am having a nightmare with him right now. Disrespectful is an understatement. And yes, modelling calm behaviour back, letting him know he's being disrespectful and that giving him a reality check and changing his attitude would be lovely. But that's not how it's playing out with my DS. Not easy to remain super calm when you're being treated like sh*t. He knows he's being disrespectful and continues anyway. There is no talking him down, only inevitable escalation that causes conflict and upset for everyone on the house. He's a lovely boy when everything is going his way. TBH I've depressingly come to the conclusion that no amount of reminding him that how you treat people matters makes any difference with him. Sounds like this is out of character for your DS so maybe try and open up a chat in a no-pressure situation like in the car, see if you can get a sense of whether there's anything bothering him without it feeling like a big conversation/prying?