Single parent of 2 teenagers. Feel completely alone

[Onmyown84]

I am a newly single parent of two teenagers. One boy one girl. And I have never felt so alone.
I know its completely normal for teens to pull away and become independent etc but i am lost. Its happened suddenly.
Weve gone from last year still doing days out, trips and holidays together. Plus stuff in the house like films, games, general chats.
To this year them both telling me they dont want to do anything as a family. Have tried to force them in the hope they would cheer up once out but its a waste of time, effort and money.
Ive sat and broke my heart today. Seeing other people's social media posts lovely family photos of kids the same age and mine dont want to do anything.
The boy wants to be out with friends all the time. No problem.
The girl wants to be by herself in her room all the time !! Shes very anti social.

I know i need to find myself again and I hope one day I will but this summer has been such a let down and I feel so deflated. Everything just feels pointless, and every day is just the same.
I need to get out and make friends, join clubs etc but its not that easy plus they still actually want me for lifts etc. I feel like an unpaid, unappreciated skivvy. Anyone else relate so I dont feel so alone in this.

How old are they? I agree it can turn very quickly from fun family times in early teens to absolutely separate seeming lives! One good tip on here I read was to see opportunities to spend time together, like eating together, driving them somewhere or going out for a quick coffee/shop even though they aren't days out in the old style. Also, if you are newly single, this suggests divorce or widowed and that's a big change for them and they may be feeling a bit down about it all.

I think you know the solution which is to start to build up your own life, hobbies, interests, dig into work and then do things with them as and when they appear to be interested.

I am a lone parent, and I don't expect my kids to do too much with me, but we do things like a family meal out with everyone (not on phones!) every few weeks, or I invite them when I visit their grandparents, but no big fuss if they don't come. My guess is that as you relax as things change, they will start to seek you out a little more around the edges of their lives.

Their job is to pull away a bit though and become more independent, and if you want them to go to uni or do an apprenticeship, which I'm sure you do, then this is an important skill- don't make them feel bad for it. Also, keep your eye on them that they aren't getting down/isolated themselves, and if they are, think how you can do small things together (a walk, buy their fave food from the shop) and bolster their mood as well as your own.

They are 14 ane 16. They both wanted the split to happen and were happy about it. I was expecting the 3 of us to be a team, close and supportive of each other after what we have been through.
Son is just very selfish, openly admits this. Completely refuses to do anything that doesnt benefit him or he doesnt want to do.

Daughter will do some things with me but is very quiet (her natural personality) where as im quite a bubby person. Shes mostly bothered at the moment of people looking at us or be embarrassing her or her false eye lashes dont feel right or some other thing to moan about.

In the sane boar, OP. Mine are 17 abd 18, and even though not driving yet, they are definitely pulling away, which is....a good thing. DD is always in her room a lot, but I managed to get her out for some work experience and 2 concerts eith her friends.
I had all but given up on my DS just gaming in his room, but has rediscovered a couple of friends this week.
I have been quite lonely, but I made a point of inviting friends for a cup of tea or loght lunch.In September I plan to join a book club, monthly quiz night and bridge lessons. I might be a bit older than you, and i also plan to fo more walks and gym work.
I guess its a new life stage.

Your children sound completely normal. 14 year old boys are selfish, it's like a toddler stage with large boys, and your daughter is a different personality to you which is fine. This is a normal stage, perhaps you expected that closeness as a team but they are getting on with life as teenagers, you can still be their warm, loving home that is there in the background. Chat when you are giving them lifts and when you get the chance. Don't make them feel guilty. Start thinking about what you enjoy- if you don't know, think about what you used to like doing, what you haven't been able to do as a parent, and work out what you'd like to do more of in your life (e.g. dancing, creative arts, book club, choirs, walking the dog) and start building your life to have more of those things. They will still need you in the coming years.