Does anyone else's late teen have no friends?

[EndlessSeaViews]

For some reason primary school DD has never been able to make friends well.

No idea why, whenever I've witnessed her with other people she is happy and fun loving, she never comes across as mean or bitchy or anything that would put others off and she often talks to others on the phone at night and is laughing and having fun etc but she just can not hold on to friends IRL.

She had a few from secondary school but they now regularly meet up and only some times invite her, occasionally one or two will go out with her when she asks but they can often end up lettering her down. She has seen on sm today they are all out together but never asked her. She has a boyfriend who is part of the group (several of his friends are going out with the girls) and tomorrow he is out with the lads and the girls are meeting up but have left her out again.

She often feels quite low that she has no real friends. Her one best friend from school now has a boyfriend and she seems to have made him her complete world and is trying for a baby so no longer has anything in common with DD.

I've tried to encourage her to join a group or hobby but she doesn't want to.

I feel so sad for her, she's such a lovely girl and I hate that she wants to go out and have fun but has no female friends to share that fun with.

She's an adult so there's nothing I can do, I know but wonder if anyone else's late teen has this issue?

Yes my daughter seemed to struggle with friendships all through the school and college years, it was hard to watch. And also difficult to pinpoint what was going wrong. Since working in a new town she has made friends at work, mainly who are older than her and is more settled. I hope it improves for your girl x

My daughter is the same, she has never had a 'best friend' and has no girlfriends currently thst she sees much of at all. It makes us both sad. She's potentially ND, awaiting assessment, and has struggled since friendships became talking rather than playing. She struggles with the mechanics of friendships, and dislikes groups as the dynamic baffles her.
I remain hopeful, she's off to uni locally soon, so is hoping to meet people there, and has a lovely long term boyfriend so at least one other person who sees the wonderful girl that we see.

Yes my daughter has struggled with this since she was about 15. Her friends just stopped hanging out with her when the GCSE’s started and then at A Levels they went to different colleges and she’s never really managed to find new friends. She’s just finished Uni and she didn’t meet any there either. Everyone commuted in from home so it wasn’t really good for meeting new people or hanging out.

She’s really lovely and a kind girl but she’s now very, very lonely. I have no idea how to help her.

I never made friends easily. I knew and mixed with lots of people on a superficial level but wasn’t close to anyone. I’m now in my 50s and been the same all my life. I’ve grown to be happy in my own skin and don’t crave it at all now. Think I’m just a bit of a loner and happy to be so.

Thank you, it is hard to see, my ds21 has lots of friends but for some reason DD has always struggled.

Hopefully once she has settled in a job things may look up for her.

I do wonder if she may have some ND. I have ADHD and I've always thought I may be autistic too. DD and I are very alike.

I hope your dd has a good time at uni and makes some great friends.

It really does break our hearts doesn't it?

I'm the same and at 53 I am happy and content with it now but I did struggle when I was younger and have always wanted my dc to have a least one or two good friends but it obviously just doesn't come easy to some people.

My daughter is popular enough with others but doesn't have one best friend she can depend on. I think that is important.
She was head girl last year at school and I believe that brought more problems than advantages in terms of friendships.

It's sad to see them left out isn't it?

One of mine struggled with friendships since about year 5 in primary school. Then year 8 to 10 in secondary had a few friends but could often get left out of meet ups outside of school. Then year 11 through to end of sixth form was pretty much on his own.

He survived all that be having an interest outside of school where he had friends with more in common. His club met up every Saturday and they spoke on social media during the week. I think the best thing I did to help him was push him to try out different clubs and activities outside of school which would have different types of children attending. Once he found an activity he enjoyed he soon found friendships

Since leaving school things have changed. He now has a girlfriend and lots of friends to go do stuff with along side his workmates. They don't always have these social issues and lots of kids find school age friendships difficult.

I really wish my daughter would join a group, I’ve suggested a few but she’s either not interested or doesn’t want to join on her own.

It is impossible to get them to join clubs and groups if they don't want too isn't it. I do have one son that won't do any after school or weekend activity but luckily so far he has always managed to maintain a few friends at school so not worried about him too much. I think my main thing I want to say to you is school age friendships can be difficult for some kids and she is not alone or unusual with that. Also there is light at the end of the tunnel eventually when they start to do stuff with kids they have more in common with or after they leave school. When they don't have to deal with the social pressure and hell that is school age fitting in. It gets better I promise xxxx

I think it's good to normalize this for you and your daughter.

It's a common issue - teen friendships, lack of, or friendships that come and go. Doesn't stop that feeling of loneliness and social media is terrible for showing you that everyone else is socializing having a great time!

I would suggest that she joins hobby groups and that she throws herself into learning a new skill. She could also do befriending for a charity where she may meet other kind souls.

She will have her time where she'll make friends, school hasn't been that place, but maybe it'll be college or work, or somewhere she moves to.