What's the "norm" with dating as a teenager?

[CheesyChipsWith]

I unfortunately was raised in a traditional Indian household. Yes British Indian but still with their discipline.

It was ingrained into me that whilst having a crush was normal I should never act on it. That dating in secondary school was bad and a distraction to studying. During the 11+ process and secondary school application process my parents were worried about how at some mixed schools there are couples who kiss and hold hands at the bus stop. This worried my parents so they sent me to a single sex grammar school. There was a neighbouring partner school of the opposite sex and as I learnt relationships and crushes flourished. I was shocked that people were "dating" even in year 7. I was always taught it was boyfriend/girlfriend was a bad thing.

My school had a mixed 6th form, even then I was told "don't get romantically involved". I know that at this age people bring partners to spend the night and the parents are okay with it.

I just need to know how do "normal" parents talk to their DCs over time to discuss relationships..how do you talk to your DC at 13 Vs 16 Vs 18. At 18 do you just let them decide and not give any advice?

I would not be concerned if my daughter had a “boyfriend/girlfriend” at any age but I will monitor it for age appropriateness. Two 11 year olds holding hands at a bus stop wouldn’t concern me but they wouldn’t be spending any time alone in a bedroom.

By sixth form that is completely different and there would be sensitive conversations about staying safe doing what young adults do.

At 18 I would expect them to be broadly self sufficient but would hope they can confide with me.

To my parents if I held hands with someone at 11 that would be a shock horror. To my parents "boyfriend/girlfriend" is wrong

mid secondary school it seems to be as it was in my day still. A few kids very obsessed with having a boy/girlfriend, lots of crushes and giggly conversations, but a real minority with a steady relationship. More common in year 11 and then more into sixth form. Most short lived and not sexual, though some are.
When they were 13 I was curious and listening, I would be watching age appropriate TV shows and commenting or asking their views on good/poor relationship behaviour. I engage them on their sex ed at school and more so on the friendship, consent etc stuff. At 16 I will have more of an intentional conversation about being legally allowed vs.trusting your gut and not bei g pressured to be in, stay in a relationship - romantic or friendship - and not being pressured sexually.
But equally, I don’t think it’s good to go from ‘no girl/boyfriends’ to ‘when are you going to settle down’. Having short lived relationships is part of growing and learning and is normal.

Even at university my parents would say "what relationship at 19 lasts till marriage?'

Well I disagree with your parents but I was not raised in a traditional Indian household.

I think for most parents in the UK that don’t have external cultural influences it isn’t an issue at any age so long as it’s age appropriate.

My three year old nephew thinks he has a girlfriend at nursery and we all think it’s cute but it just means they like to play together and hold hands.

On the “19 year old” point, that’s just garbage. I’m in my thirties and happily married to my partner from when I was 17.

Which I why I wonder how you approach it in their early tweens/teens at 12,13,14 etc

I have to ask as well at what point do you meet the bf/gf's parents?

Every kid is different. Some might have a partner and feel ready to do sexual stuff at about 14, some might not be interested until around 18.

Obviously you shouldn't encourage sex before 16 but be realistic and non judgemental if it seems like it's happening a bit before then. If the kids are similar age.

Also that they're not scared to talk to you about relationships or feelings.

Just make sure consent is a big part of the conversation, and of course safe sex. And that nobody should feel they have to date or do anything with someone just because they like you, fancy you or pay you attention. You can change your mind about someone whenever you like. Just because you did something before doesn't mean you have to keep doing it.