confidence builder

[help1972]

i have rather a shy 17 year old boy and thinking of sending him to somewhere like Camp America before Uni so he can grow in confidence.. any ideas?

He needs to be 18
Actually want to go
Capable of engaging with groups of children

I have to agree with @Crabbycatlady

He'd be better starting with getting a PT job locally over the holiday or at the weekends.
Or volunteering with something he finds interesting. That was he will be talking about something he enjoys and is interested in, to give a starter for conversation.
Places like Camp America want applicant to show what they have already done that will make them good Leaders, they are not there to teach confidence.

If he is studying at six form, the final year tends to bring much more confidence with shared experiences and exam pressure. My very shy daughter really only increased in confidence this final year, and has four great friends that she regularly meets during the holidays. This year also included trips to visit universities, and it was an opportunity for them to meet up with people from their class. Also, joining a D&D club at six form was great to make friends.

She also has a part-time job, and this was great for her confidence as well (gaining her own money and being more self-reliant and independent).

Going to Camp America would be like throwing your child in the deep end. It might be a step too far - try small steps first.

thanks for everyones comments and notedd about a job but very difficult around where we are all gone ot uni students - he has been looking since before easter.. any other camps that anyone would recommend for 18 year olds - he will be 18 next summer

PHAB

SENSE used to do camps / holidays which needed volunteers

Is he involved with any Youth organisations currently ? Scouts, BB, Church Youth Groups, orchestras, sports teams that have Summer Camps ? Or is his swimming good enough to do a life guard qualification ?

Kings Camps offer paid work, but I suspect, like Camp America, they will be looking for experience and skills already being there.

Also places like PGL, Outward Bound, etc - again, will probably want to know what skills and experience he can offer.

Surely you can’t “send him” when he’s 18? Would he go?! I stopped being able to send my dd anywhere when she was 14.

This year I would have loved for my dd to finish her watersports instruction certificate but it was a hard “no I can’t be bothered.” I’m not going to force her. When she’s 18 and has no money to go on holiday with her friends she’ll realise she should have planned ahead and then she’ll be stuck scrubbing round for scarce crap jobs in retail instead of spending her summer on the water teaching kids stuff she loves.

Perhaps I’ve gone too far towards letting her decide her own path - but I can’t complain that she is shy. She oozes self confidence. On the other hand she is lazy and entitled.

Your situation is different. My first thought is that perhaps you have been too domineering or prone to infantilising him, albeit not deliberately.

Why do you need to “cure” his shyness? Is the job needed to earn money (Camp America employees from UK don’t do much more than break even)?

There are residential jobs at PGL for summer camps in UK. It’s akin to slave labour but if you want to be toughen him up or he wants a career in sports and leisure its not a bad idea.

I think you should leave a space for him to work it out for himself though. He’s almost an adult. Ask if he’s had any ideas, help him if he asks for it, offer input if he’s totally stuck. But don’t “send him.”

Not everyone dislikes their kids and wants to teach them "tough life lessons". Some parents want to help them.

OP - my 16-year-old daughter got a job in a softplay centre. It's actually really nice work and would prepare him for Camp America and similar camps (plus a lot of customer service experience that he can use in future) . If you're in London, I can pm you the details as they often need people.

Does he have any hobbies? DS’ karate class has junior instructors & mentors - they get as much from leading as the younger kids get from having them teaching them/leading lessons etc. It’s made a huge difference to the ones who became junior instructors

Rather than "send" my shy ds anywhere, I planted a few suggestions and then left it to him to think about it.
Six months later, he announced he wanted to train as a pool lifeguard (one of my suggestions) and had found a local course. He passed the course at Easter and had a part time job by August. A year later, he is much more confident, has a year's customer service experience and a reference, has made some new friends, and has saved £3k towards university.

Talk to your ds, think about what might suit his aptitudes and personality, include him in the process, he is an adult with views of his own.

Don’t ’send him’ to camp America - however lovely it might be it’s a trial by fire if he’s that shy.

What hobbies or interests does he have? If he’s 17 is he thinking about ucas or other applications - if so then some volunteering is a great addition. local groups eg scouting movement always crying out for people, charity shops, starting a car wash or lawn mowing business!

even getting printed copies of his cvs and going into every cafe he can reasonably reach might be a confidence boost!

Does he feel unconfident or do you wish he was different?