How to handle first serious relationship? (Ds 15)

[NewHopeWithHonour]

Maybe not the best title.

I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. Ds had got his first serious girlfriend. She seems very nice and sweet, but they've only been together a couple of months.

I don't really know how to express what's making me so uncomfortable.

I'm struggling with how intense it is. Of course it will be in many ways for them, but I'm struggling with her parents who seem to be encouraging the intensity. It seems that her parents and we are opposites in this.

I want them to have fun, but to be young. They have their whole life ahead of them. There's plenty of time for growing up (together). Her parents (mostly mum) seem to want to push them together all of the time. Even wanting to encourage sleepovers together... It's great that they seem to love my son, but trying to make them like a married couple feels wrong. I wish they would back down a little and let them be

How would you handle this?

Even wanting to encourage sleepovers together

wtf? I hope you say…. Heck no

Why do some parents do that with the getting involved? They are 15, it isn't meant to be serious. Downplay it. Say no to sleepovers. Suggest he doesn't spend all his time with her and gently explain that sometimes teenage girls get a bit carried away.

I'm lucky that my ds appears to be self policing his first few relationships by being so laid back and unbothered the girls give up on him.

Absolutely! But it puts me (and DH) into such a hard situation and at odds with ds

This is how it was with the older dcs (and after a certain age, things seem 'right').

This just feels far too soon. I want them to be happy, but also want them to have the freedom of youth. I met my DH when young, so am not afraid of this, but we knew we were young and didn't get properly serious for years

Sleepovers at 15 😳

Well, doesn’t matter what mum thinks, you can say no.

Please say you haven’t agreed to sleepovers?

Well quite, it won’t be the girl charged with statutory rape

Absolutely not!!

Thank you so much. I/ we were starting to doubt ourselves. Obviously ds thinks were ridiculously strict and they think we're uptight. They're approaching 16 (her a couple of months before him) and I'm really stressing about this.

The older ones didn't really have anything serious before the end of college/ university and that felt totally different to this.

I can’t imagine doubting myself re not allowing my 15 year old just out of year 10 son not sleeping over with his girlfriend!

I know, but it's causing so many arguments and I feel we're pushing him away because of being strict and they're welcoming him in by being so welcome and encouraging.

Can you speak to her parents and ask them to stop entertaining it?

Sleepovers I mean, not the relationship

I would say no to sleepovers because they are under age.
Her mother is doing her a great disservice, presumably she is not very clever or thoughtful.
Our 14 yo was desperate for a sleepover with her same age bf. We said absolutely not and she kept pushing. We were completely firm and after a few months they broke up. He then wasn’t very nice about her for a period and I am so glad that he didn’t have the ammunition of her having slept over to use against her.

I would be contacting the parents and telling them your position very firmly on this.

My DS is a year older and has been with his GF for over a year, they are quite serious but we’ve said no sleepovers even though they’re both 16. It’s just not necessary at that age and pushes them into a much more adult relationship than is necessary. We’ve been quite strict about this.