WhatsApp help

[maybeyouvebeenbrainwashed2]

My DD (14) has reveal that a ‘friend’ has been sending her horrible whatsapp messages (Go kill yourself etc) on a group chat. This friend is not very well and I’d quite like to ensure I have evidence to go to her Mum with. The friend deletes the messages quite quickly. DD doesn’t want to screenshot and get friend into trouble. I know friend’s Mum is well aware her daughter is really struggling. I think she would willing pretend she had seen the messages in order to speak to her daughter/ pursue help for her daughter - some is already in place. Obviously I could pursue various other routes (blocking. Just telling her etc) but I wondered whether I can link DDs account to my phone (secretly?) so I can capture it? DD doesn’t spend ages online or on her phone so sometimes she misses them and is told/suspects when she sees the deleted message as she knows the pattern.

I know it awful and will be having an impact on my DD but we’ve known the family for a long time and I think DD and I can see it as a cry for help rather than some insidious bullying. I’m really struggling to do a linked account- any easy routes? step by step guide?

Isnt parenting fun.

Can you make a group chat? Think its the 3 dots in the corner. Brb I'll just double check.

I'm not sure about linking accounts, I don't know if that can be done but I'm not very clued up on these things. I'd definitely have a chat to the mum in a non accusatory way but more in a concerned way. It's awful for your DD to put up with and needs to stop. I do feel for the girl too as obviously having difficulties but your DD shouldn't have to tolerate it.

I just looked on WhatsApp. There is a group chat option. Also disappearing messages. Can your daughter not block or mute the friend?
Its a horrible thing to receive.
Hugs to you both x
My son had similar recently and it got very nasty

Yes it's possible to link her WhatsApp to your phone. No you should not do this secretly.

Your first concern needs to be for your DD. You will damage your relationship with her if you do this because she will find out at some point, some how. The trust between you is the most important thing you have to keep her safe through the rest of her teenage years. Don't throw it away. Your DD needs support to navigate bullying from a mental unwell friend/acquaintance. She does not need to also be dealing with the social repercussions of her mum screenshoting a group chat and (in her eyes/eyes of the rest of the group chat) humiliating her and invading their privacy

If you are friends with the other girl's mum, just talk to her and tell her what you are aware of. She doesn't need screenshots. She doesn't need proof. Do you think she's going to call you a liar? She already knows her DD is struggling. Some help is already in place. Just tell her what you're aware of that she currently isn't.

Thank you, both. @ShakaWhenTheWallsFellYou are right. I’d already decided overnight to instead suggest my daughter try to save it if it happens again. I don’t think she’ll let me speak to the Mum about it atm though (so - as regards trust - I probably can’t), but I think DD would accumulate evidence knowing that she might have to share it. She trusts me so I do need to protect that as you say.

Don’t speak to the mum, speak to the school safeguarding team.

Some parent control apps, like MM Guardian (which I used when my son was younger)
allow you to remotely monitor WhatsApp, including messages which are subsequently deleted.