I don't want to be the household waker upper every morning

[ExpressHydration]

Why is that my job? I do enough!!

How do you train your teens to just wake themselves up in the morning and get up?

I don't want to be the entire household's official waker up every weekday morning.

They're good kids and they do get up when I call them, but I want them to get up when their alarm goes off. I can be the emergency back-up if I notice someone has actually overslept.

I get myself up and out. How do I get them to just fricken wake up and get up without that being an extra job for me every morning?

Make it fun. I use a nerf gun.

Tell them you won't be calling them and let them be late.

I never called my older dc but somehow got in the habit of calling my younger dcs and they are terrible at getting up.

I'm currently no longer calling them and they both were late for college at least twice last week...
They will learn!

It's not the humdrum aspect I object to.
I just don't want to do it.
I want to wake up and make myself a coffee and have 30 minutes of my day where I am not responsible for every single thing that happens.

It depends whether they would care about being late for school or not tbh.

When you have one that would slip into being a school refuser you don’t have a choice 😭

Hmm. I think you've got straight to the nub of it.

I care more than they do if they're late.

I never get why this is anyone's job - I know someone who still does it for their 21-year-old! When I went to secondary school my mum bought me a digital alarm clock, showed me how to set it, and said it was now my responsibility to get up in the morning because I had a nice new clock to help me do it. I did ask what happened if the clock didn't work and she said she would take me to school in my pyjamas... back in the 90s this was a proper threat, maybe not now! I was really proud of that little alarm clock and set it every night.

You need to give the responsibility back to your offspring. When we were 17/18 a group of us booked a holiday to Ibiza to celebrate the end of exams - one of our mates didn't make it as she didn't wake up in time to get to the airport. When she moaned to her mum, her mum said: "Melanie - it's not my job to wake you up!" Consequences eh! She flew out a day later and had to pay her mum back for the last-minute flight... she's never missed a flight to this day!

Mine sleep through phone alarms. I saw a wristband thing that’s supposed to be better than waking them up, I prefer being woken by my Apple Watch so I can see why that might work

How old are your dc?

I think it will come in time! But I agree it’s such a pain. I remember this phase. My son is at uni now and other than for important days like exams I have left him to get himself up using his alarm (he sets several lol). And I’m surprised he is generally managing as that wasn’t the case before he left for uni despite my trying very hard to make it so.

I think it’s helped that he’s in catered halls so wants to get up in time to have bacon for breakfast haha. I do still check his location just to make sure he’s at his first lecture though 😄🤦‍♀️

Maybe you could entice them with the smell of bacon?! To be discarded (or eaten by you!) at a certain time if not down for it. Although then you have to cook bacon 😂

I like the Nerf gun idea, I know it’s not the monotony of the job but I think I’d probably learn to get myself up fairly quickly of the alternative was being rudely awoken by a Nerf gun hitting me! Or one of those foghorns maybe?!

Everyone is different, it can be a real challenge. I was like this myself as a teen - nothing to do with being irresponsible (all my school reports had “conscientious” etc all over them!) I’m just a really deep sleeper and would literally sleep through alarms. And my body clock prefers late nights and late mornings but the world isn’t set up that way so it’s always a struggle getting up in the mornings.

I did really try though (definitely think my son could have tried a little harder pre-uni). I had several alarms including deliberately super loud ones that I would put on top of my wardrobe so I had to cross the room and get it down to turn it off etc. Still somehow managed to do that and go back to bed without even being aware of it… At uni my flatmates took over the job to a degree! They would bang on my door! It continued to be a problem right up until I had a baby. And then it was never a problem waking to an alarm after that it was like something changed in my body. Having said that, I do very occasionally still oversleep. One day a couple of years ago I slept right through my alarm and only woke up when my manager was ringing and banging on my actual door at home as it was mid-afternoon and they’d been trying to call me etc when I didn’t show up from work and started to panic and think something really awful may have happened to me. It was nice of them to check but I was obviously mortified. Luckily that’s very rare now! Have been in this job about ten years and it only happened that once. I was super tired 😂

I set 5 minute alarms on my DCs echos. Although my weekend early riser needs the multiple alarms on weekdays, the one who would stay in bed all day only needs one! They also haven’t had much choice because DH and I are out earlier than they are (except now while I’m on maternity leave) so if they were up late they’d miss the bus and wouldn’t be able to get to school. I’d definitely stop waking them and let them be late.

I suggest you stop doing things for them that they should be capable or doing for themselves. Let the natural consequences occur, and then let them practice using their initiative to work out how to ensure they're up in time for what they need to do that day. Tell them beforehand that you're stopping - that's only fair.

It seems so petty. I'm up anyway. Why wouldn't I give them a shout? It feels unkind to be awake, to be aware that they're oversleeping, and not to call them. We don't really behave that way in my family. We're supportive and kind to each other.

But, it's also true that I'm utterly overwhelmed by being responsible for every single thing that happens at home and at work for every waking minute of my life.

I sound dramatic.

But it is to do with responsibility - I am equally a night owl, I have equally slept through alarms - but that's still my responsibility! No one else's! I have three alarms that go off these days - two phones, neither of which are within my reach, and my watch which is on my wrist. I'm 47, my mum doesn't live with me anymore to bang on a saucepan (not that she did then either) - we all have to find a way to get out of bed when we need to because there isn't always going to be someone else there to do it. I think a parent who is supportive teaches you this as early as possible in life.

When my brothers were going through a bad patch for this, our Mum used to pull the duvet off them/the bed in the mornings.

We found the sunrise alarms useful. They start lighting up 30mins before the alarm so mimic dawn.

What we found worked was an alarm that made a horrid beeping sound across the room on the shelf that you needed to get up and turn off.

A radio next to you can be easily slept through or turned off while still half asleep!

If they don’t get up they are late and get detention.

They’ll soon learn.

Oh god, I was a really deep sleeper sbd used to dread over-sleeping for work.
if I’d been out the night before, it was often game-over!!!

If they won't set their phone alarm put a really loud alarm clock in their room? Multiple ones, some hidden? 🤣

Bang on the door once and shout loudly once then it's their own issue.

Let them deal with the consequences of being late.

Tell them that. Its OK to need some time for yourself. You don't have to do everything forever.

They also need to learn how to do it for themselves. PP checking up on university students is ridiculous.

I'm also dreadful with waking up. Guess what - I learnt the consequences and learnt to cope. Back then it was multiple alarms, now it is a sunrise alarm clock.

Mine are not v late teens/early 20s. I just stopped doing it. Brought them a novelty alarm clock. Warned them I wouldn’t be waking them.
Occasionally I would have to shout up at them.
However mine cared about being late for school/work/friends etc If they don’t that’s rough. You also have to stand firm on not giving lifts unless they ask very charmingly/are a bit under the weather or some unforeseen calamity

I think you need to reframe this. You are not being unkind, you are teaching them independence. You can be supportive by discussing their schedule, when they need to wake etc, and (at first) ensuring they are setting an alarm/buy them an alarm clock if phones not in room overnight. Then, you allow them to sleep in and be late so they can learn the consequences of doing so and take personal responsibility. I consider this "cruel to be kind" - when they leave your home and have to operate as independent adults youll have given them the tools they need and they wont sleep through lectures/be late for work, because you taught them.

Get an air horn, stand on the landing and blast it. Or use an attack alarm like a grenade, pull the pin, chuck it in their room, walk off. Hopefully that will be worse than getting up when their alarms go off and you won't have to do it again.

But really, they need natural consequences. Let them be late for school, or miss breakfast if you take them on your way to work.

You could explain to them how you feel if they're the sort with some empathy.

My DC are all ND and up at the crack of dawn. I'd like a lie in.

My teens are all mostly fine but DH is terrible for sleeping in. He turns off the alarm, puts on the radio and falls back asleep. During the week I pull the covers off him just before I leave the house so he's awake for the kids getting ready for school, at the weekend I don't unless he has to be somewhere and he sleeps through to ~11am. His entire family are the same (parents were academics back in the day when it didn't matter), I refuse to go on holiday with them because they aren't ready to do anything until around 3pm and it drives me insane.

I think he genuinely can't help it because he's otherwise a hard worker with a responsible job and committed father who worked PT when they were small and does a proper fair share of the 'wife work'.

I just don’t don’t do it I set the Alexa for the alarm m. She doesn’t get up she misses her train for school that’s her issue not mine. She is 12 gets herself up and out for school no issues.