I don't want to be the household waker upper every morning

[ExpressHydration]

Why is that my job? I do enough!!

How do you train your teens to just wake themselves up in the morning and get up?

I don't want to be the entire household's official waker up every weekday morning.

They're good kids and they do get up when I call them, but I want them to get up when their alarm goes off. I can be the emergency back-up if I notice someone has actually overslept.

I get myself up and out. How do I get them to just fricken wake up and get up without that being an extra job for me every morning?

I used to make my eldest DD irritated with my
-singing a song full blast (badly)

• making her toys jump on her and say stupid things
• telling knock knock jokes and making her join in
• pretend to be police cars from different countries and make her guess where

She has now declined my wake up services.

DD2 appears to like it, and likes my ‘shows’ and renditions of wham 😁

It’s not unkind to shift the burden of responsibility to the children to wake themselves up. I’ll bet you anything the only reason they are sleeping in is because they know mum will come and get them.
Sometimes tough love is needed to teach our children the lessons of life.

I have one of each kind. One is so reliable that now I only get up when I hear her heading to the bathroom.

The other still needs to be coaxed awake and managed out the door in the mornings. He’s very responsible and self sufficient in other ways but mornings are still a challenge. Hoping this will be the year.

You need a large, slobbery, affectionate Labrador that you send upstairs on your behalf. The bonus is that no one gets mad at a Labrador.

Setting clear expectations I think.

My eldest has just always managed it. He sets an alarm, I can think of only once he’s overslept and he’s in year 10. He knows he would get in trouble with me and the school if he wasn’t up in time.

My youngest struggles a little more, he’s AuADHD and sleep can be an issue for him, he likes to sleep in, first term of high school was a struggle. I was having to go in every morning. But we had some firm words, I told him he was in high school now and I expected him to get himself up. He has 2 alarms 5 mins apart, I’ve told him he’s to get straight up out of bed, he’s not allowed to snooze. I still have an alarm set 5 mins after his to go in and check he’s up, but it’s been a number of weeks since I’ve needed to! (Summer term year 7 now).

My 12 yr old gets herself up at 6.30 and out the house at 7am without my involvement

@ExpressHydration Do either of your teens do extra-curricular activities such as sports training etc, for which they need to arrive at a specific time and rely on your services to drive them there?

Maybe you need to 'forget' to be ready to take them once or twice.

I always woke mine while they were still at school. I was up 6.30ish so I could have a cup of tea in peace, bung some washing on etc and then I'd go round and give them all a wake up call at 7, they needed to be out the door by 8. To be fair, they did always get up so I only had to do it once. I didn't mind it to be honest.

I told 12yo DS that if he wasn’t using his phone alarm to wake him up, he didn’t need his phone in his bedroom at night. He soon started getting up.

Mine use Alexas, we don’t allow phones in their bedrooms over night. And my youngest also has a Lumie light/alarm (I should have mentioned that actually, that’s what seemed to help crack me not having to go in anymore!)

I wake mine up once and once only, about 5minutes before their alarms go off . Very gently by opening their bedroom doors and saying good morning. In the summer I open the landing blinds and in the winter I switch on the landing light.

after that it’s up to them.

You aren’t being petty OP!

My 12 year old now gets himself up and starts getting himself ready for school without any input from me, but that’s because he likes to be super prepared so he actually gets up earlier than me.

He’s only up about 20-25 minutes earlier than me but it’s still 20 minutes that I get to lie in bed and feel like I have no responsibility, so I do understand.

@ExpressHydration It seems so petty. I'm up anyway. Why wouldn't I give them a shout?

Perhaps because giving them a shout has brought you to the position where you've decided to complain on the internet to random strangers that you don't want to be the entire household's official waker up every weekday morning.

You can:

1. Continue doing what you're doing, and hope that something will magically change. I think its highly unlike that they will change their behaviour in this regard if you continue with yours as is.

2. Change your behaviour and stop infantilising them waking them up. This immediately solves your issue with being the entire household's official waker up every weekday morning. This may also have the benefit of allowing them to discover they are able to take responsibility for themselves and to do so. They may choose to do this in preference to facing the natural consequences of not taking responsibility for getting themselves out of bed at an appropriate time.

You are not a victim. You have choice in this matter.

If you don’t want to do it then don’t? I got myself up and out for school (and locked up) from age 11 with no input from my parents. I never once missed the bus or missed school because I knew I’d get a massive bollocking if I did.

Out source to Alexa.

So I am similar, however my 2 set alarms ( multiple in 1 case) and I only shouting I haven’t heard movement 20 mins after they should be up. One can occassionally turn their alarm off and go back to sleep but that is getting less common now. They both hate being rushed so that works for them, if they get up on time they don’t need to rush! But it has taken a while to get there and eldest for a while would give youngest a shout as they were leaving to check they were up!

What annoys me in this house is the headspace required to remember what they are doing on which day, what time to wake them up. We’ve starting making DS put an alarm on but he can be a bit forgetful so now we remind him multiple times in the evening to do that - more headspace!

...they use an alarm and get out of bed or they will be late. My 9 year old gets up themselves....

Totally get you op.

I think this is one of those areas where you’re making choices and potentially a rod for your own back. I’ve always been very keen to encourage as much independence as possible, be that making their own packed lunches, waking themselves up, putting away their laundry, organising their own homework, packing for holidays etc.

They NEED to learn these things, and I don’t want to be doing them all. When I see threads where people say they still find the teenage years overwhelming, hard work etc I can only assume they haven’t started relinquishing the bits they can, so on top of dealing with the stress of exams, teenage friendships etc they are also dealing with all these small but ultimately overwhelming micro actions.

It’s not petty, it’s frustrating and tiring to be dealing with teenagers and treating them like children, and ultimately they will be better functioning adults (sooner) if you give them the space to mature. It’s not laziness, it’s parenting.

I stopped waking my oldest up when she was 11, she learnt to use several alarms to ensure she wakes up. Occasionally her alarm hasn't gone off and she's been late to school but such is life, she just has to take the late mark. I'm not home to wake her up anyway.

I recognise the feeling of being responsible for everything.

Are there other responsibilities you can drop instead? Like doing their washing or checking other things are done?

I never woke my secondary school kids up.
Tell them you are stopping and if they dont sort out their own alarms then they will be late. Then stop. And don't ever do it again.

Think about what would happen if you’re not there to wake them?
My son is home alone at times. I know he’ll get himself up and out.
He sets alarms 5 mins apart if he’s struggling. Puts the alarm on the other side of the room.
They shouldn’t sleep through multiple loud alarms.

Mine just unplugged the fucker.

to be fair she (Alexa) is jeffing annoying