Do you still have to put your 12 year olds to bed?

[Elfie23]

This is starting to drive me a little bit mad.

DD is almost 12 and from being a baby I’ve always read to her at night. I don’t mind doing this but I feel like she should now really just read to herself and say good night to me.

It’s just us at home and usually I’ll send her off for a shower about 8pm. Once she’s out I go in. Then I read to her and try to say good night. This is where she then goes to the toilet 4 or 5 times to ‘get it all out’ which drives me mad too.

I thought by this age she would read to herself for 15 -20mins and we could just say good night to each other and that be it.

Have I got this wrong? I can’t seem to just send her off to bed, I feel like I’m still involved with a much younger child. Is 12 too early to expect this?

For background bedtime has always been tough, never slept through and has been on melatonin since she was 8, we are going to use the last of this box and stop as she’s on such a low dose now I do think it does much. She’s always messed about at bedtime to some degree.

Any words of wisdom?

Í would suggest you go with what works for your child; everyone is different and not all kids mature at the same time. There is always a rush to get kids and independent and out of the house as soon as possible in the UK.

My 10 year old puts themselves to bed. The 12 year old (also on a low dose of melatonin but can’t sleep without it so won’t be stopping) often needs support.

I was turning in myself and getting ready for school the next day by about aged 10.

Mine listened to audiobooks around that age. Similar time to start winding down, showers, make lunch etc normally in bed for after 9 and then would put on a audio book - my husband used to read to them most evenings but around 10 years old, less so.

I miss often hearing Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter :) youngest is now 16 and more likely listening to music while I’m fast asleep!

You don’t need to imagine it as many posters have described it. No imagination necessary.

Similarly, I can’t imagine someone who can’t imagine things that they themselves don’t do. Maybe you need travel more and have interesting experiences that broaden your mind.

Some PP have said that their children have to get up for school at 6.30. How come so early?

To get to school on time!

To get to school on time!

Mine are older, 13 & 15. I don’t ’put them to bed’ as such but I do chivvy them so that they’re in bed at a decent time and they both still want both of us to say a proper good night before they switch the lights off. I personally love that my 15 year old still insists I come and kiss them goodnight.

I agree. It will pass

My 12 yo DS wants me to sit with him while he falls asleep -sometimes I sing twinkle twinkle- one day they won’t want you to (clinging onto this)

Mine gets up at 7.15 to leave for school at 8am

So that they get to school on time. Up at 6.30am, leave for the bus at 7.15am.

Wow, I've found this really interesting! I still take all three of my kids to bed pretty much every night. I lie down in bed with my 12 year old and we have a chat before I tuck her in and leave the room, then go into 15 year old and do the same, then the same with 17 year old! Sometimes it's small talk, sometimes deep and meaningful. Sometimes utter nonsense!!
It's never been discussed that it might stop, although obviously it will one day! They all seem to like and need having that bit of time at the end of the day.
Bedtime has taken up hours and hours of my life but I'm glad we do it! Part of me longs to have that chunk of my evening back to myself but most of me knows that I'll miss it enormously when it's gone!

In my ancient memory I went straight from Enid Blyton to Harold Robbins.
Probably fitted Agatha Christie somewhere in between

My DS age 11 puts himself to bed now but also I regularly go up and read to him between bath time and him putting himself to bed (reading to himself, brushing teeth and going to sleep).

At 11, I thought my DS would never ever go to bed on his own and I’d be holding his hand to go to sleep when he was 21.

At 16, at the weekend he stays up listening to (my!) records long after I’m in bed.

It changes gradually but in hindsight quickly and before you know it they actively don’t want you. Puberty and wanting privacy as a result were the trigger for mine.

@Helpmechooseausernamedoesn't your 17 year old go to bed after you? My kids since 16 often stay up later than me.

I’m not in to giving up my evenings for teens putting them to bed.

My kids know I’m there for them all day. We can eat dinner together, in summer go for an evening walks, drive out to places - all times they can chat to me. But past 8/8:30 it’s my time.
they can join in if they want to watch what I’m watching but it’s important that kids respect your time and that you have needs as a person too.

My twins started going to bed independently around 9 or 10 but I'd go up and tuck in and have a quick chat. They shared a room and would often be messing about together so I'd leave them be, they never sought more reassurance probably because they were together. Since turning 12 and separating rooms they hang out in their own rooms and come downstairs about 10pm to say good night. Usually it's just a quick hug. I'm quite happy to be left alone and can finally watch my own tv again in the evenings after many years. That said I'm home with them in the afternoon and get to catch up and have lots of one to ones so I don't think they need that extra connection at bed time.

I cant remember my mother ever "putting me to bed" so it must have stopped quite early. Probably about the time my sister was born (I was aged 8). At 10 years I was travelling alone on public transport to see my grandmother and at age 11 travelling into the city center by bus.

No, I'm a night owl! I rarely go to bed before midnight, even though I'm up at 6.30!

Same. The reading to DS is tailing off a bit, but we still have the same bedtime ritual of me tucking him in, cuddles and a kiss. I treasure this time; it won’t last for ever.