Am very sorry your DD and you are going through that @Plumnora I have some experience with that and it was and remains rough. Hope you’re able to access help and that things stablise soon.
Some of the posts on here are judgmental, along the lines of ‘what’s the problem?’ ‘You’re the problem’, ‘you’re doing it wrong!’
perhaps posters are responding about OP’s turn of phrase about her job. If OP finds it hard to work full time and parent teens, without any additional needs or immediate serious problems, that’s her experience. She’s not alone in that.
Most fathers are the higher earners with longer hours, don’t do 50% and so on. Easy to day ‘go back in time and choose a better H’, far harder in reality! it’s often mothers squeezing in stuff and trying to be physically and mentally present, both day to day and id the shit hits the fan.
Some tweens and teens are fine, or fine overall with a few blips or bad year(s). Many though are not.
Mine were - or seemed - fine, until they really weren’t. Then it was and remains difficult and intense.
DH has found it more difficult than a parent’s illness and death when he was a teen.
Have always worked full time, middle management type job I dislike and find hard, and usually juggled and compartmentalised OK, but have found it very difficult, both before and after the bad teen stuff has gone on.
There is often an undercurrent in threads (outside the quiet children’s MH board) about teen mental health of ‘it’s the parents’ fault’,’ including on this thread. ‘my teens are fine: I’ve done it right!’ ‘you have done things wrong!’