If you have teens do you manage to work?

[Itistheweekend]

My 15teen DD is on my mind all the time. She is a good girl but it is a tricky age where they need do much support with the ups and lows.

My job is not too stressful fortunately; but some days I am not very efficient.

DH is supportive in the practical things but very busy with work.

How do you manage?

This.

millions of men have teens and I bet no one asks them if they “manage to work”

I work. I manage fine. Dd is very supportive of my work - a recent careers day she was pretty pissed off when the teacher went round the class for career examples “and what does your dad do”. She got the distinct impression that women’s careers are still seen as “little jobs” while it’s the men that earn and support the family.

i work full time and have since they were 9 months old. They’re 8 and 12 now and honestly I only think about them really if there’s been something going on or they’re ill or something. It literally has zero effect on my work and unless there’s a massive backstory here I’m utterly perplexed as to how it’s impacting your life so much?

Of course. I've worked full time since ds was 2 and we left ds' dad. He's taking his a'levels now.

It's the norm in our house. I drop him at the school bus in the morning, collect him from the school bus most afternoons and then we spend the evenings together.

(at the teacher, obviously, not the rest of your post)

Not my experience at all.
My dc are in their 20s now, but obviously were recently in their teens. I have both boys and girls.
Your post is not my experience, nor my experience talking with friends with teens over the years.

I have 4 older teens, all with SEN. I work full time, but it’s mainly home based and not very busy. I run a business on the side, along with the ehcp battles and all the crap that comes with SEN. I used to think I’d have my life back when they hit late teens, how wrong I was, the worrying has increased! I’m teaching my 18 year old son the basics of soft work skills, I’ve got another who I’m battling in tribunal over her ehcp and I’ll need to manage eotas. And the other 2, Christ knows what there up too! They seem fine though. My son is going deaf, so that’s been a major concern as to how he will cope & adaptions he needs. It’s like this is a different kind of stress to when they were young. I’m lucky my job is so flexible, I can take my work phone for appointments, otherwise I’d likely have no job!

I find this baffling and I wonder if your parents did the same to you that’s why you can’t cope ? I have 3 kids from 4 to pre teen to young adult ( young adult with serious disabilities) and I manage to work and attend to all of them too . I can’t understand what you mean , surely your teen is at school most day , so why are you worried , does she have sen needs or issues ?

No it’s not a boy/girl thing.

it’s a getting involved in your kids drama thing.

hth.

I can’t get my head around this at all!

I don’t think many people will agree with this.
It might be your experience but it’s not mine and I doubt it is many others either.

As for the OP - I’ve worked full time and raised 2 boys mostly alone. WFH for the last 10 years has enabled me to be more present which has helped manage the teenage years I think.

There are interruptions in my work now and again - family comes first whether it’s my teenager or elderly relative, but mostly I do my worrying in the small hours!

I’m finding the existence of this thread mind blowing.

Yes, of course I manage to work, because they need a house to live in and to eat. They also need to know (unless considerable additional needs) that this is what adults do - that work is a necessary thing.

And yes, of course it takes hours and hours of effort to support them with exam revision, and relationships, and a million other things, and to have considerable time just to listen to them and chat with them … but that’s what evenings and weekends are for.

Every so often there will be things that intrude on work hours, and you manage those as an exception.

You do it because you have to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs and you get back to them at the end of the day. I bet your husband is not pondering this and I don't have a husband/partner nor family etc around it is just me and them and you cope because it is what is necessary.

Same. I am a single mum with two teens. Not working full time isn’t an option.

I haven’t the time to think about my kids during the day🤷‍♂️

I don't.
Single parent, no support, working full time as a nurse.
currently on my third month of being signed off after my 13 year old took an OD at school.
She ran away to another area in the country in November and has been self harming since then as well.
I blame my job but I need to work and I can't be signed off on full pay for much longer.
It's been the worst time of my life and I'm terrified about what's still to come

I remember when my dc were little and people on mn told me it parenting teens was just as demanding, but if I'm honest that isn't how I've found it at all! I have a 13yo and a nearly 15yo and they are quite capable of managing their own practical needs with some mild prompts (which are sometimes done via whatsapp between work meetings). They're old enough to help out if I get stuck at work by walking the dog or making an easy meal.

Yes, I worry about them. Dd1 is preparing for mocks and it's stressful. Both dds have friendship drama. But they can wait to talk about it in the evening when they are meant to be going to bed.

I'm genuinely not clear what level of emotional support other people are offering that's interfering with their ability to work? Am I missing something?

How are parents supposed to afford all the things that teens need if they don't work?

I am not saying you are wrong but I can't help remembering that in my teenage years nobody would have thought of supporting me. I just got on with it all including exams, university applications and first love.

I am extremely lucky to work 9 to 3 Monday to Friday, a 2 min drive from DDs school. I drop her off at 8.45am, go to work, and then she walks down to meet me afterwards & we talk about her day on the drive back.

I’vr always had to work for financial reasons but I’ve done everything from nights to evenings & weekends to 12 hour days three days a week to make it work.

Just not working is not really an option for lots of us.

Er, yes. I only have one child, but she's needed a lot of support the last 3 years (burnout, autism diagnosis, self harming, anorexia, more mental health diagnoses, EHCP, DLA, PIP, GCSE, college applications and transport) and I've worked throughout, mainly full time and as a co-parent - although all the admin for the above has been done by me.

My work is my escape and my colleagues help keep me sane.

Yes I work and have just gone back full time now they are older. Yes obviously they still need support but are 1) independent 2) at school all day and 3) able to self regulate and wait to talk to me when I have finished work if there's an issue. I see this as essential life skills. I am available, but they need to understand boundaries and the importance of work. Also they need to understand you need a work life balance.

I work with a ND teen who has been through a nervous breakdown in the last 3 years. She is much better now but it was incredibly hard to work. In hindsight I should have been signed off myself as trying to support her was exhausting.

I have 3 other children as well who as aged 7 to 12 now.

I intend to take a year or two out in the next couple of years. I've saved hard to enable this. I can't be all things to all people and I don't want to be. DH does his fair share and all 4 kids are worth it, but you do need to look at your resources and decide how best to spend them. For me, very fortunately, my time and mental health during DD1's GCSE years will be more valuable than the income to our specific set up

I get that people need to work to support teens but I think some of these posts are
unkind. Teenagers used to be a supportive board.

When a poster is brave enough to admit that they are finding parenting a teenager difficult and they are having struggling balancing time between work & parenting teens and the worry involved, lots of posters are almost revelling in coming on to this thread to say how well they are coping and almost sneering at those who aren’t.

I’ve said down thread that I had to take two years off work to support one of my teens and I am not ashamed to admit I was not coping with either work or parenting well at that stage and it turned out to be the best thing for us as a family, even though it set us back financially, which we are now setting right.

We are not all the same. People struggle with different aspects of parenting. I found the baby and toddler years a breeze but I wouldn’t try and shame others if they didn’t or post in a superior way and express disbelief that different people find different things difficult fhs!

I would talk with a GP or a counsellor as being so worried for a 15 yo with no SEN or other issues so much you cannot work FT is not normal. Can it be hormonal? Are you projecting your anxiety on a teen? See if you can find someone to support you

Yes, full-time as a single mum of 3, including two teenage girls.