What age did you find hardest with teenage daughters?

[Tricklinn]

I’ve been wondering about this and would love some honest perspectives…

For those of you with daughters, what age did you find the hardest during the teenage years? And on the flip side, was there an age that felt like a bit of a “sweet spot”?

I’m hearing everything from early teens being the trickiest to later teens being more challenging in different ways, and I’m curious what people’s real experiences have been.

Is there a stage where things tend to improve again, or is it just a case of different challenges at different ages?

Would really appreciate any insights (or reassurance!) from those who’ve been through it.

Two teenage DDs here.
The oldest (18) has never been a problem. Lovely girl, does well in school, hobbies etc. We get on well and she will be off to uni in Sept.

Youngest (16) has taken us on a true rollercoaster from 13 until 15 / early 16 but seems now in a pretty good place and is maturing rapidly. She had wrong friends, drank, vaped (also thc), walked off whenever she felt like it (also late nights) - really challenging behaviour. I’m so glad things have calmed down , and she is actually also glad as she’s back to her pre 13 happy cheerful self most of the time.

Tricky at 12/13 then her periods started and she was much better. She was a bit guarded 14-15 as she asserted her independence, but had a wonderful time with her at 16-19. She was (is!) clever, opinionated and very funny.

I was vile 12-15 but have got on with my mum pretty great since then. Have a 15 year old DD - last year or so was tricky dealing with some metal health issues and she was very physically and emotionally withdrawn from us but we seem to be coming out the other side of that a bit. Fully prepared next stage may be another challenge.

I have three . Dd2 12-18, dd3 was alright , dd3 11-15. Combination of hormones and character.

15-17 was pretty tough here. Hated school, out drinking with older girls, getting into doggy pubs with fake ID. Staying out all night with no idea where she was.

She’s lovely now (mid 20s) and is embarrassed by it 🤣.

Her sister was very chilled so it isn’t the parenting, it’s the teen, their personality.

Depends on the child!

DD1 - 10-well she’s 23 and still has her moments. But 15-19 was not fun - she’s a lovely young woman now 95% of the time.

DD2 probably 15-17 - lots of challenges with self harm and OCD and at 18 she discovered clubs so a lot of staying out and not communicating- 22 now and we don’t see her much as she loves her Uni town, partner and also works weekends but she’s much easier to have around when she’s here.

DD3 probably 13-15 and all the friend drama - plus she hated school and studying! She just finished a course (almost) at college and landed a full time job at 17. She has been my easiest by far!

I love them all by the way - they are funny, hard working and good fun but it’s been a slog at times doing alone

My DD is nearly 13 and we do have the odd answering back but so far not bad but I’m under no illusion it may change but according to her I’m mean and too strict. I’m not I just take no bull shit from her or her friends 😂 I don’t think it’s a bad thing 😂 her friends all call me a diva hahaha

Eldest 11-16 was rough, before that she was the sweetest child. After 16 she improved gradually although has remained a prickly character.

Youngest 14-19 tbh she left it so late I though we dodged the bullet but no she was just a late bloomer. She’s wonderful now though.

Give me back the sleepless nights they gave me as babies and toddlers. Or were they just gearing me up. Has been high energy rollercoaster from 12-17 today and ongoing. When will the breaks be activated? It’s hardcore it’s brutal even in the good moments my antenna’s up. Miss 13 is better than madam 17 but who knows what’s coming my way. Someone had a voodoo on me let me tell you.

12-14 was pretty spicy.

14-16 there were some epic moments I wouldn't like to repeat (her school had me on speed-dial at one point as she managed to get herself into trouble of one sort or another on a regular basis).

6th form was the making of her, she grew up massively. She's 21 now, at University, works like an absolute trojan, and is a delightful human being.

I'd like to take the credit, but it's all hers.

Teenage? Hmm 13 - 19 mainly 🥹

16-18 for me with my older daughter. She had her first big relationship and thought she was about 27. By the time she went away to university I was very ready to help her with her bags!
She mellowed in her mid-twenties.
Is now early 30s and a total love.

Following with interest as my daughter is 11.5. Definitely some hormones and mood swings already and I’ve found since she turned 11 that she alternates between wanting to be clingy and cuddly with me and wanting lots of chats and reassurance to keeping her distance, being cheeky and acting like I’m the most uncool person ever. But she’s well behaved and very sweet still.
I was a well behaved teen and my sisters were ok as well so I don’t think it’s inevitable that your teen will be a nightmare.

My daughter (14) being difficult has always coincided with friendship difficulties at school, or the pre-period days. She withdraws and is very rude.

My DD is nearly 29 and has never been a problem at all - always worked hard, thoughtful, as a PP said, her school friends are similar and they’re all living in London and still close.

However, it’s always been the two of us as her father’s never been involved in any way, I’ve generally worked long hours and she’s always been supportive (that’s not the right word but we were a team). She was pretty self sufficient from an early age and even now comes back and tries to organise me, but that’s about the worst it’s been.

14-19 all fairly intense with DD due to traumatic events at 14. With a lot of input, got through her GCSEs and 'A' levels and is currently working/doing voluntary work during a gap year. Feels like she's starting to get over the hump of it.

Everything crossed for her having a good uni experience come the autumn.

What I would say is that the awful bits when they were going in were all consuming for both of us, but the memory of them faces when things pick up a bit.

I have three, now adult, DDs.
They gave me very little problem really. And thinking about it I am sure it was due to the fact that they each had interests that they loved: music, riding, sport. I really think these kept them on the straight and narrow as they compensated for romantic let-downs, girl squabbles .... they always had something to fall back on.
There were of course some ups and downs and some sleepless nights waiting for them to come home but nothing exceptional.
I am sure they got up to things that I know nothing about and I am happy to keep it that way.
I always told them repeatedly that I loved them; I gave them as much freedom to make their own decisions as I could; I reiterated that I trusted their judgement.

I am on my 4th teen dd! My eldest was a bit of a nightmare from around age 13, she was somewhat better by about 17. She was stroppy, rude, nasty to her younger siblings and was just generally difficult to be around. Second dd was socially awkward and anxious, so we had lots of angst and basically temper tantrums from around 14 to 19. She was very sweet the rest of the time though, so we muddled through. Third dd has never given us a minute's trouble, she is now 22 and was always kind, sociable, studious and just an all around good egg. Youngest dd from about age 14 has been similar to eldest, stroppy, selfish and often very, very unreasonable. She is 17 and not really showing signs of improving yet, probably due to the fact that she is very immature for her age, she is probably only around 14/15 developmently. It has been a tough few years but hopefully we are nearly at the end of it! Good luck op!

I did find that showing some faith in their opinion and judgement helped. It is harder to do the wrong thing when your parents have said they respect your judgement to know what is right!

If they tell you you are talking rubbish, then the sod it factor takes over ...

@Mischance makes a good point - you have to trust you’ve raised them well enough to trust them.

I was always mindful that they would leave (dd1 and 2 always wanted to go to Uni) and the only way they develop risk assessment is to allow them to take risks. Dd1 is almost 24 but I still tend to not sleep properly until she’s home but her and her sister went to Uni 200 miles away and you can’t track them 24/7

can I ask your 2nd eldest who you describe as socially anxious? How is she now? My daughter i think has some mild social anxiety that is a bit inhibiting but nothing extreme. Hoping it will pass as she gets older.

My two were both easy teens. My only issue was the elder one being stressed over exams and dealing with it by getting a bit obsessive about schoolwork in a way I didn’t think was healthy. Otherwise they were easy and fun to be around. No moodiness.

13 - 14 awful. 16 now and mostly a delight. We go out for lunch or dinner, go shopping and she talks to me again.

I hate this idea that teen girls are naturally problematic. I’m sure my girls had their moments but we took it day by day and our parenting always factored in hormones, tiredness, self-esteem, stress at school, loneliness, finding their way in life etc. Same as with my son. You just support them, try to mentor them and not get in their way too much so they can grow on their own terms.