Teenage and party

[Carol52]

My daughter has asked to go to a 16 birthday party . My daughters just 15 year below at school the girls who’s party it is . I have never met the girl or had contact with mum. Don’t know where she lives. I asked my daughter if she could get the mind phone number just so I can relay my number if needed and address. My daughter said no it’s embarrassing. So i have said she can’t go. She then said her other friend mum know her so I said I will text and get the number. She said don’t bother. I don’t want to be over bearing but I am not letting her go with basic information

I wouldn't contact the other mum but I would insist on knowing the address of the party.

Nobody exchanges mums number at this age, I would ask for the address though.

Nobody is exchanging their parent’s numbers at 15/16. She absolutely would be laughed at if she asked the other girl for her Mum’s telephone number.

I just don’t get it what if there was a emergency no one had my number

My daughter wouldn’t be going to a 16th party if she was in year 10 and aged 15.

My son is allowed, but he’s year 11 and he’s 16. I would personally say no to this party. She won’t like you for it, but …. Oh well 🤦‍♀️.

Then there is an emergency and worse case the hospital/police contact you.

What emergency are you imagining at a 16th bday party

Only mums nos I had by that age was the ones he was still mates with from primary!

I wouldn’t context the other mum at that age. I’d make sure I knows the address and a few of us parents usually share lifts.

Same here. You have to let go at some point and trust you’ve done enough parenting to ensure she’s sensible enough. I’d insist on taking/collecting from the party either myself or another parent at the same party.

If there really was an emergency your daughter's friends would either contact you if they have your number, or they would contact their parents or someone else who knows you, who would then contact you. This is how it has worked since my kids were 12. Thankfully not too many emergencies but plenty of parties.

Even if she gave you a number - it’s likely to be the number of a friend. Kids have amazing ways at getting what they want.

I went to dozens of parties from 15+. There was never an emergency. Nobody had my Mum’s number.

I hosted a 16th (my house) and an 18th (social club) and nobody had my parents telephone numbers nor did my parents have the numbers of attendees parents.

I always had an address and knew who she was going with, generally my dd would be sharing lifts with her friend near us whose mum I knew. She was going to parties by 15 where i didn’t know the family

Do you know who she's going with and have those friends numbers? My DD is 16 and I normally judge parties by who else is going that I trust! And then, same as others on here - I would generally be dropping off / picking up / or doing a mix with other parents so naturally have the address and see her go in.
I've not had a party where I've not had the address due to this. Will you not be dropping her off?

I would want the address but I absolutely would not contact the parents! I have 2 dc in year 10 who are 14 and dd1 is 18. Navigating teen years is a learning curve but the focus needs to be open communication with your own dd, set expectations re alcohol and be available for a pick up, early if needed, without judgement. Be her safe person.

I always get a parent phone number for night time teenage parties. I stopped doing that at 6th form. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Do you make sure an adult with your number walks her to school? What about when she goes anywhere else? Do you always take her? I imagine they would find her phone and find her emergency contact in that.

Gently OP, yes she's 16, but actually if your husband/mum/nan/dad/aunt whatever had an accident or became really unwell or something, you'd want contacting just as much and I doubt you always know give your numbers to people they are with.

The point missing here is I barely know one girl and one parent who I have texted a few times. So i feel I am sending her to a house I don’t know

Ask for her friend’s number so you can message her if you don’t hear from DD, but please don’t ask to make contact with the party mum.

Also make sure the emergency contact bit is filled in on her phone, and location is switched on. Finally, tell her if you message you expect a reply, and that this is a test she needs to pass…

A mixed bunch of opinions

Yes, at 15 she is going to be friends with, and hang out with, other kids you don’t know. That’s just what they do.

She'll get better at lying for the next party she is invited to.

This is very true. You don’t need the parent’s number. You do need to know where she is in case she needs to be picked up. Getting an address is an entirely normal thing to do. However, I must admit if dd went to a party at this age and the she was staying with friends and I wasn’t the taxi, I didn’t generally ask. I have her on location so could have collected her.

And as for getting in touch with me, I am one of dd’s emergency contacts on her phone and the parents have a group chat so my number is on there. And my dd has a seizure medical condition. Her heart stops then restarts and she’s unconscious, then when she comes round, she’s unable to move for at least an hour, so I’d need to go to her as it’s very upsetting for her.

You have to let your kids go however tough that is.

I think you’re being over the top. You don’t need to give anyone your number. Let her go.

Let go.

shes not 8

Images of OP haunting uni halls in a few years asking for names and numbers 🤣