Teenage and party

[Carol52]

My daughter has asked to go to a 16 birthday party . My daughters just 15 year below at school the girls who’s party it is . I have never met the girl or had contact with mum. Don’t know where she lives. I asked my daughter if she could get the mind phone number just so I can relay my number if needed and address. My daughter said no it’s embarrassing. So i have said she can’t go. She then said her other friend mum know her so I said I will text and get the number. She said don’t bother. I don’t want to be over bearing but I am not letting her go with basic information

Wow

I have texted the only mum I partially know (never met) she said she has just found out the party is at the girls aunties house not at her own. She sent me the address it is about 30 minutes drive away. It’s not that I don’t trust my daughter but I don’t know anyone or anything about what is going on as I said to my daughter it’s not that I don’t trust her but I know nothing g about the party or the people. I really don’t think I am over bearing if it was someone I m ew I would probably say ok because I n ow them but I literally don’t

Ok so you’ve got an address. That’s what you needed. Well, you actually needed to tell your dd that she gets an address for you otherwise she’s not going. That this is for her safety so that if she needs you to collect her, you know where she will be.

I have an address but no idea who is there who they are. Whose house it is. Apart from one girls mum who I hardly know who had no idea where it was until today either . I have said to my daughter she can’t go. She is also not very well but that is not the main reason I have said it’s not because I don’t trust her but all the other girls are as year older then Her and a year can make a difference . None of my daughter’s friends in her year are having parties etc but if they did at least I know their parents and my gut instinct would feel better.

Really there was no need for that comment I may be a bit strict but I would rather that way then letting my children get into trouble or hurt themselves

And by the time they go to university I hope the are mature enough to know

Strict parents usually end up with wild teenagers, DD found that at uni, all the nice quiet girls went mad with drinks and boys now that they were away from suffocating parents.

Honestly there is nothing wrong with wanting to know where your child is and that the hosting parents are aware! Ignore those who say there is.
we have a very open dialogue at home “I want to be able to say yes to x party and to do that I need to know y and yes I’ll drive you!”
My children always know we’ll check and because we do we’ve never said no to anything they want to do. So they don’t ever feel a need to lie to us. I just explain to my teens that I have a responsibility to help them avoid situations which would leave them very vulnerable. We also give lifts any time of day/night.
it works for our family.

Hi thanks for your message. We give lifts all the time day and night to our children and friends . This time however I have to say no I honestly don’t feel comfortable saying yes.

And you sound careless !
No one sends their 15 year old off to a party with no info .
OP diesbt jnow

Thank you

I actually posted before I was finished .
I also have a 15 year old , she wouldn’t be going anywhere without info ,especially when you don’t know Friend or parents or a thing !
And yes of course the Mother should have your number .
What’s the big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️
Incase you had to be contacted.

THIS

carol52 watch out

Agreed. My dd has been going to parties since they started in year 10. She doesn’t go to many now as she says they’re boring. She’s year 13. She prefers the novelty of clubbing. Op’s dd is nearly at the end of year 11. That’s too old to not be allowed to a party because the mum doesn’t know the other kids / parents.

I think once teenagers are out and about anywhere on there own it’s a good idea to have an “in case of emergency “ number in a wallet or phone

Strict parents don’t allow their children to do anything.
OP is allowing her to go , just needs more info .
She’s 15 .

This would be a non issue for me . I’d not have called any mums , just trusted my daughter, maybe got the adress. I’m quite relaxed though , my 17 year old has no curfew at weekends.

I am also pretty relaxed with my year 13, 17 yo dd. And was in year 11 at 15. Because I trust her and her friends and they are sensible enough not to get themselves into major scrapes. And that if they did they’d look after one another or call parents.

She has been at a couple of parties that got a bit out of control. One time they all got chucked out at about midnight. Another time the house was a bit trashed. Both in year 12. Both with no parents around. And she went to a party in the middle of nowhere, where the parents went out and left them unbeknownst to me. Another time a good year ago, there was a bit of a fight between the boys. She was fine every time. People looked after one another.

This is all stuff probably best they’ve encountered before they go to university and it takes a few years to experience all this sort of thing in a relatively safe way. The new university friendships perhaps won’t be as strong as current ones and it’s always best to have practiced a lot of situations before you're more on your own.

My child is younger so we haven’t had to deal with issues like this yet - but I would never alow a 15 year old to go to a party unless I had spoken to the host parents and had an adress.
Your DD won’t be able to attend all the house parties - but that’s fine.

I thought that when I looked lovingly at my baby, again when she was at primary. And then parents started letting their 11 year olds come to mine on sleepovers when they didn’t know me. And in the beginning I wasn’t ok and I adjusted. And as they get older, you go with the flow. And the flow is autonomy and breaking away from your parents.

We parent differently and that’s okay. 🙂

Same here. When mine were that age I’d most likely be dropping them or picking up so I’d know the house they were at, but half the time
not the friends. One of mine was always at parties, there was no way I was going to know all of her friends and their parents. Both mine are adults now and still tell us what they’re doing and where they’re going, not because we ask, but because they choose to. We’ve always been fairly relaxed parents and have great relationships with them now as a result.

It’s very hard to foresee how you’d parent if you’re not there yet. Even year 10 is a massive difference from year 11. Kids change so much at this age.

It’s not about calling Moms .
It’s just that OP has zero info .

This is exactly what I think.