I am so not enjoying being parent of a teenage girl

[ButterflyMcQueen]

Not just one single issue.
Just a general abiding aura attitude atmosphere
I don;t want to talk to her simply because,
I don;t trust her therefore,
I don't want her in the house
I just think I dont actually like her...
This feels as though it has gone on s so long and gradually I am giving up...I am exhausted with trying

Years of a metaphorical brick wall and she is still 13!

My friends are sick of hearing this so sorry but you are my sounding board.

It's so upsetting.

Breaks my heart she used to be lovely

back of the queue Poshwellies i was here first

how old is your dd daughter?

She's...*groans..13

hmm me too

it is unexpectedly early and horrible

Mine has been building up this vileness for the last 2 yrs.I feel for you *hands you a large vino valium

yes mine too

in varying proportions
now its 97% unbearable with 3% flashes of my old girl

I'm not alone! Thank you!

DD 16, basically a lovely girl but have gone through really awful times over the last couple of years.

So glad to hear other teenage girls have such shocking rooms and personal habits!

I would write more but must go to bed. I will say this, which I heard Jonathan Ross say on his radio show once, when they're little you can't bear the thought of them leaving home so they have to turn into these unbearable creatures so that when they do leave you're glad to see the back of them!

My other DD (15) is lovely (so far!) and I really am not looking forward to her flying the nest She may just be a late starter though so I shouldn't speak too soon.

the jonathan ross comment sounds about right actually!!

dd just brought home report which involved ' A you are a star' 'pleasure to teach' 'A is a delight to teach' 'in discussion she sparkles!!'

checked the front of report to see whose it was!!!

don not know whether to laugh or cry

when the behaviours are comitted but the teenagers, what are your responses
If you retaliate then this may be fueling the behaviour. WHo is the behaviour a problem for you or the teenager, Does the teenager get pocket money and how is this earned? Is the respect for the paretns still there. Do you do too much for them at home that they have come to behave in this manner

Oh my spelling is rough, am trying to do too many things at once and type too fast, hence the mistakes, sorry folks

Glen no

the older teen has earned and still earns money off us, from around this age i expect them to earn it

dd does not earn anything just scrounges

tonight she has had me in tears ( not infront of her) as when disciplining her she did some screaming and then screamed i hate you

best stay away methinks

butterfly things get unbearable, is dad around to supprt you, does she play one off against the other, you say she scrounges, what does this involve? who buys her clothes, does she spend a lot of time out with friends, are the friends the influence, sorry just trying to get fuller picture

is there no way to avoid this?! OMG

I agree with you Kama this thread is seriously scarey...

glen - yes her dad and me are pretty united although she used to get an easy ride off him he is learning!!

she is at a high achieving all girls school and seems to have picked some 'less than savoury' girls as her peers

she gets bought all her clothes and gets money when she asks but this is NOT alot - we are tight and keep telling her to earn it with helping out at home but she just WONT

her brothers do. she does not seem to care when they get money - i am pretty sure she begs steals and borrows off all of us

she makes me so so unhappy

Hi butterfly, do not dispair. For a behaviour to continue there has to be a gain from committing the behaviour. Get yourself a motivational assessment of the problem, i got some here if you wanna try it, find out what is motivating the behaviour and what is willing it to continue. so some ABC charts, (Antecedent, behaviour,consequences) what happens immediately before during and after, this will help you work out why the behaviour happens and what reward she is getting out of committing the behaviour, this makes it easier to treat the behaviour and either change , reduce or replace with a nicer behaviour. need any help let me know

i think the gain Glen is that currenty she respects the opinions of her peers so much more than that of her family

in the summmer i anticipate her behaviour will improve when she is with us more

she has been vile tonight

barely any speeech just raised eyebrows and tutting

hi butterfly, you got me hooked now. when she sighing and giving you looks and tuts what is the households response what is said to her? We will resolve this issue lol

thankyou for your interest glen

she has got considerably worse since i have saud i can not shoulder any more of her strops whilst smiling sweetly
frankly i have almost given up on communicting with her!!!

tonight i asked her to sweep some leaves up outside the gate

our garden is surrounded by 6 foot walls

from inside the house i saw her throw the sweeping brush 10 foot in the air!! toddler/teenager? teenager/toddler?

i just ignored it

i am 38 weeks pg btw you would think she were old enough to at least pretend to be nice?

hi buttefly

How long has the behaviour been getting worse, Is there a chance that this is jealusy related, if she was the youngest,, now not gonna be seen as the baby. I am a behaivoural nurse working with severe challenging behaviours so if i can be of any assistance let me know. and remember stress aint good in your stage of pregnancy so chill out, she gonna behave how she wants regardless so no point in stressing,

glen thanks again for your help - i am keeping her at arms length as a survival thing

she is number 2 of soon to be 6 and the only dd to date!

just to update

thieving is now in vogue with said dd - a lovely discovery the day after ds5 was born

her hair is greasier than ever and she is lazier than ever!

thank heavens baby was a boy!

How spooky - I thought about this thread earlier today as I remembered what I'd said about DD going to Uni feeling like losing my best friend. And as September gets closer I'm dreading it more, and still have faith that you'll feel the same sense of companionship from your DD in a few years' time.

I don't know what to say re the thieving - not what you need right now.

And mostly CONGRATULATIONS! Five boys - blimey. But still, the cumulative disruption of 5 boys will be less than that of one 13 year old girl .

thanks Hassled. I do hope your words are true in all areas!

I was talking to someone about their dd's going to university
she had dreaded the first one but by the time the second went she was more chilled as she knew they would still see her/she would come back

Hope it all goes well

Hi ButterflyMcQueen - apologies if I am stating the bleedin' obvious, but having read your thread carefully I can see a young teen, with a (heavily) pregnant mum (deeply deeply embarassing at that age ), the only girl in the family, hormones beginning to rage, lots and lots of peer stuff going on, and a dad who sounds pretty fed up with her to say the least. She sounds angry, sad, lonely, confused, insecure and frankly scared. The more emotional you are the more scared and hostile she is becoming. Just when she wants her mum to be perfect, mum is taken up by another baby coming along - cue more strops. Sex talk - sounds to me like boasting and fantasising at school being repeated to wind you up. School report good - that's the real dd. Maybe someone like Glen32 could help you deal with the behavioural issues, but maybe someone independent could help look in from the outside before things get further out of hand.

the beast is reaching beastly proportions

the end of a long long long and frankly tortuous summer

she is sullen sulky frankly hell to livw with until the hone rings or someone comes round and the worm turns...

sorry but Salvolatile 'scared' hmmm not the way i feel about her

scary ? yes!

PLEASE tell me this is the worst of it !

omg.

I could have written squonk's posts.

In fact all of them except the graesy hair stuff. dd, 13+6 won't walk to the end of the road without full make up.

DH can't stand her at the moment, I just feel sad and then defensive of her to him.

No win.

This will pass (is that it?)