Teens refusing to help clean up.

[TeenTroublesss]

My teens refuse to help me clean the house, what do you do in this situation? I have already taken their phones and they won’t be getting them for the day. They never leave the house so I wouldn’t mind if they did but having them sit indoors watching me clean and refusing to help is particularly annoying, they’ve always been made to help from a young age so it isn’t that but as they’ve got older they are refusing to help. I warned them with plenty of notice that we needed to do a big clear out this weekend.

I have at times resorted to bribery.

No pocket money, no food, no clothes washed - shall I go on?

If they refuse then no phone or WiFi, no cash, no lifts provided, no laundry or meals prepared.

Helping around the house is non negotiable.

So you stop doing stuff for them. They need to understand that running a household is a team effort, if they don’t want to be in the team then you will leave the team too - let’s see how that works out for them!

Mine need notice (autism) or reminders (ADHD). I tell them on Wednesday what the chores on the weekend will be.

It's non-negotiable, and the WiFi goes off until all tasks are complying there's even a hint of reneging.

It is part of contributing to family life. No one pays me to do it, no one pays them to do it either. But we usually reward ourselves with something nice when it's all done.

The phone wouldnt be returned until whatever mess they made was cleared.
Even if that meant a week plus....
In the home today WiFi would be off or password changed and tv would be off / batteries out of remote.

But I am a lazy arsehole so everyone doing their fair share isnt negotiable in my house

My 3 and 2 yo know to put all rubbish and leftover food in the bin and plates in dishwasher. And they need to put their own coats and shoes away. Otherwise mummy doesnt get them nice evening snack / let them watch cartoons.

I'll probably eat my words in a decade but I am very much for the FAFO school of parenting.

Im cleaning it as I can’t leave it as I have someone coming on Monday and the house needs a massive clean up. They had plenty of notice.

Fair enough tidy their rooms but I never expect them to clean the house.

Yup. No cooking for them. No laundry. No tech. No pocket money.

If they don't contribute (helping, not financially) then you stop providing for them. And don't buy easy snacky stuff either or they'll just forage.

Why? They live there too. They eat food and use the living room and bathrooms etc. All hands on deck. How else will they learn so they can be independent, functioning adults when they move out?

I think notice is really important (I note that you have given them notice btw). My mum had a habit of waking me on a Saturday morning to tell me we were doing a spring clean that day. It pissed me off no end because I had been looking forward to seeing friends/doing nothing/whatever plans I had. If the expectation is that sometime over this weekend they will do x, y and z then it is totally fair enough, if you are saying right now you must clean the bathroom and hoover throughout, then I think it is not fair on them.

Turn off the WiFi and hide all the snacks in the boot of your car. This too shall pass.

Does the person coming need to see inside their rooms? If not take every scrap of their mess and put it in their rooms. Then make sure you start a new regime with clear expectations and consequences. And I'd be binning the phones, frankly. Refusing to help?

Ask them why. My trick was to sound puzzled rather than pissed off when Dc were behaving like this. And to pretend to take their answers very seriously, to the point where they got embarassed or started laughing.

Remind them it is their home, and they should take pride in it and care for it. It is so much nicer to live in a clean and tidy space.

Remind them that no one gets paid to keep their own home in order. It's just a part of life, we all have to do.

Do you make it quick and fun? Is it okay for it not to be perfect? I decided a bit is better than none.

As mentioned they were given plenty of notice

I’d honestly love to do that but the majority of the mess is theirs

It won’t be quick the house needs a deep clean. I clean when they are at school but it’s not enough time to deep clean so it’s only surface cleaning.

Well cleaning is non negotiable here.
We all contribute together to help the house run smoothly.

They do their bit, or they get nothing in return. That's phones, WiFi, money, lifts, laundry, food cooked ... basically anything nice.

You say they've helped in the past, so they understand the rationale, and understand that it's expected.

I'd also have a family meeting and get everyone to buy into what they agree to do. More likely to get them to do something they feel they have agency in, as opposed to just being told to do it.

OK, so that's a bit different. I think expecting teens to deep clean the house to your timetable is a bit much. Better that it's little and often. I'd get them to tell you what they are prepared to do and accept that (assuming it's not something ridiculously small).

They don’t clean after school as it’s too late, weekends are the only times we will get a chance to do it. After school and work everyone is exhausted theres no other times other than the weekend. It’s also not all rooms mainly living room, hallway and bedrooms (I do the kitchen, dining room, toilet and bathroom)

No lifts, no laundry, no pocket money, no 'treat' food, no favours.

And regular lectures about you not being their maid if they should ask for anything.

Have you asked them why they are refusing to help clean up the home you all live in ?

Anything that's in the living room or hallway that belongs to them gets chucked in a bin bag and deposited in their room. Close the door on the mess. Job done.

What's the need for this extra deep clean for a visitor anyway? Are the King and Queen coming for tea and cake?

It’s not needed but I want the house to be clean and tidy, with 4 kids it generally gets quite messy and I don’t get time to clean much during the week other than surface cleans I get about an hour but it doesn’t stay clean before they trash it again.

Turning the electric off at the fuse box normally got mine shifting.