Teens refusing to help clean up.

[TeenTroublesss]

My teens refuse to help me clean the house, what do you do in this situation? I have already taken their phones and they won’t be getting them for the day. They never leave the house so I wouldn’t mind if they did but having them sit indoors watching me clean and refusing to help is particularly annoying, they’ve always been made to help from a young age so it isn’t that but as they’ve got older they are refusing to help. I warned them with plenty of notice that we needed to do a big clear out this weekend.

Everyone always assumes that you have the financial wherewithal to withdraw stuff.My kids (and they're in their thirties now, so this is a while ago before phones etc) would flat out refuse to help clean up. They'd all just fight among themselves that "X made that mess! It's not mine, so I'm not clearing it up!" Ad infinitum. They could and would argue that black was white.

I was very poor. They had no pocket money, there wasn't any money. They had no 'snacks'. No lifts. No trips out to cancel. They had me over a barrel and they knew it. I had absolutely no sanctions with which to bribe, persuasion didn't work. I even yelled. Nope.

But you know what? They've all turned out to keep lovely clean and tidy homes. And I don't know whether this makes me feel better or worse...

Locks on the lounge, kitchen, bathroom and your bedroom.
If they want to live like guests in a boarding house, treat them as such. Bathroom is open 7-8. Kitchen is open 7.30-8.30 and 5-6pm.
Lunches should be taken outside of the premises. Proper boarding houses would make you leave at 9am and return at 5.

Won't be getting those phones back then, will they? If they aren't pulling their weight and earning them back by next weekend, I'd cancel the contracts and sell the phones. Also wouldn't get lifts or pocket money either until they show some respect.

How much of the weekend are you expecting them to help? Maybe giving clear expectations would help - I need 2 solid hours of help over the weekend for example.
I would find open ended jobs with a lack of autonomy quite difficult.

I grew up poor and by far the biggest threat was being grounded, not from days out but from just hanging round with my mates.

We were very rural so there wasn't any 'hanging out'. I once tried grounding the eldest when he wanted to walk into town - he just climbed out of the bathroom window and went anyway.

They were feral little buggers and really did not give one shit about anything I said. I'm surprised that they've all grown up so well, in responsible jobs and home owners and everything.

If I was grounded my Dad would lock my shoes in the shed, even my slippers!
I hope they’re all apologetic now at least.

It is absolutely AMAZING how much of it they have forgotten! But they are all absolutely lovely to me and I like to think it's guilt...

Wish I'd thought of the shed thing. Probably wouldn't have stopped them, to be honest.

How do you reprimand them when 'they trash it again'?

If everyone gets back that late, the house can hardly be that bad. What exactly is needed if it's only hallway, living room and bedrooms? 2 DC do general tidying in the living room, 1 hoover and dusts upstairs, 1 hoovers and dusts downstairs. And their own bedrooms are up to them to decide how clean and tidy they want them. Surely that's not more than about 15-20 minutes each?

Only on here do I hear this concept of a 'deep clean'

For your visitors, tidy up, straighten up cushions, get rid of clutter, hoover, kitchen worktops clear, sink clean and shiny, hob wiped down.

Toilet and bathroom shiny

Thats it

In terms of them and their mess, chuck it in their rooms, no internet, no pocket money, no phones.

What is a deep clean?

I think I might have done this the other day now that I think about it

The top of my moisturiser fell out my hand and rolled under the bed

I moved the bed to retrieve it and it was covered in a dustball because there was thick dust on the floor where the hoover doesnt get to

I got rid of it with the attachment.

I might think about doing again next year.

Not just surfaces

Well it is bad having 4 kids they are messy and don’t clean up after themselves

And to add there is also the dining room, kitchen, toilet and bathroom, it’s just I will do them myself I’m only asking for help in the other rooms

Like what?

Perhaps the odd door handle or light switch or electric switches in the kitchen if they're very grubby and visible?

Perhaps kitchen door handles?

To be honest the minute you wipe one thing, the rest looks filthy. Best just to leave it.

As I've said, I was a single mum with five who would not lift a finger if I'd been bedbound.

I found the only way to clean was to take a load of baskets/rubbish bags etc, bag up all the loose stuff and then just tip it in their rooms (of course it was always 'someone else's stuff!' that ended up in the wrong rooms, but tough). Shut their bedroom doors, nobody had any reason to go in. Then I'd clean the space. They'd all complain - obviously - but if they wouldn't pick up their own stuff then it was their own fault if they got a room full of someone else's junk.

Behind things? I’m sure we all have different ideas of what a deep clean is but like I explained I only get 1 hour a day to clean a 4 bed house and that isn’t enough.

Thats a twice yearly type of thing surely?

You said it was for visitors coming. You dont need to do that for that reason.

You're just making unnecessary work for yourself.

But they aboslultely do need to pull your weight so my previous advice still stands

Their weight.

Cleaning behind things twice a year? 😂

If you can clean behind your sofa and beds only twice a year you must have very tidy kids, the visitor is not really relevant the house needs cleaning either way because it isn’t clean.

Jesus, I don't think I have cleaned behind the sofa since we bought it. I can't move the thing, it's bloody enormous. It's against the wall.

Mine moves very easily I can do it myself