Dangerous music spotify daughter getting down

[Bumblebeesssss]

9 months ago DD was getting very down about school; a bit if self harm; I noticed she was listening to some depressing music in spotify which makes her more down and depressed. We had a chat, put more controls, started spending more time together, changed schools and she was happy, self harm stopped. We stopped spotify premium for awhile.

2 days ago something happened at school which got her a bit down; noticed a bit of self harm again; yesterday I spoke to her and she said she was feeling very sad again and feeling like she lost herself; like she was not heading anywhere. I had a chat, offer therapy which she said yes, etc.

Now just decided to look at mobile phone, and found the following albums:

I might kill myself
I fucking hate myself

So basically when she is down she goes into this depressive stage and start listening to depressive music which makes sink further.

She is now scheduled for therapy
I will have another chat with her reg music
I will stop spotify again

Any other advice welcome

I don't think you should be stopping her from listening to music. Music is not making her mental health worse.

hey OP, how worrying for you, my sympathies to your daughter, such a shame she’s struggling and I really hope the therapy helps somewhat.

couple of things..

Have you had her bloods done? It’s worth checking as I saw an improvement in my daughter’s MH once she took an iron supplement, very common in teenage girls to be low on that. Just to rule it out really.
besides that, how are the school supporting?

What kind of content does she watch on social media? I would be having a look at her TikTok etc which could be feeding her feelings of despair because the algorithms show her stuff that she watches and searches for most.

I am not sure. She has an hour restriction

I might stop it completely

I have spoken to her about dangerous content so many times

I am beyond myself

yes; we are normally on top of it. When it happened in June we got everything done and everything possible to support her and she lift herself up and was in a happy place up till a few days ago

I put lots of restrictions on her mobile phone last time. We discussed dangerous content, etc. She saw a psychiatrist, by that time she have already pulled herself together, was in a better place. Psychiatric said she didn’t need psychiatric treatment, there was a low risk of self harm and suggested a therapist to help with anxiety but It didn’t happen as the appointment took too long and I thought she was in a better place.

I do feel she is quite sensitive and susceptible and the things she see of listen to makes her sink deeper.

I thought we have gone through this already. I am going to have another chat with her, I put further restrictions on mobile phone. She was really in a happy place.

I not dismissing her feelings and we are going to see a therapist.

However I noticed last time the same pattern; she was down about school; she withdrew herself; started listening to very depressing music and starting getting more depressed; we stopped spotify for awhile and other changes and she was happy again.

Dont you think an album called I want to kill myself and another called I fucking hate myself is dangerous? Is there to get people more depressed?

Vitamin D deficiency is a huge factor in depression and anxiety. Everyone in the UK who is not taking a really good supplement will be deficient at this time of year due to lack of sunshine. It is so important.

Absolutely agree. Teens are very suggestible and music is a big factor in that.

Thank you. I will increase her vitamin D

I have felt quite down myself at times due to SAD; she takes after me; but I pushed myself with excercise, SAD lamp, meditation, vitamin D and magnesium. I also ordered her a SAD lamp and a weighted blanket.

I am going to have a chat about what she consumes on the internet again,

Also waiting for the therapist appointment; it is stressful

Exactly. Their brains are not developed properly and they are very susceptible plus there are so many things on the internet there to get kids and people who are already feeling vulnerable.

A friend didn’t give her kids smartphones until 16. I don’t blame her; probably a bit late for me and don’t want to isolate her.

This relapse makes me realised she still lacks lots of maturity and is very much easily influenced. Hopefully the Therapy will help.

She was feeling well up to a couple of days ago; something happened at school but it spiraled when she withdrew into depressive music. She is a sensitive being. I feel the weather also impacts her.

Surely the music is a symptom rather than a cause though and might be helping her process her feelings, you need to get to the root cause, therapy is essential.

She is still not up for school. Not sure whether to give her the day off or persuade her. We are seeing the Ostheopath for some cranial osteopathy to help with stress and anxiety

If you give her the day off ring the GP for an urgent appt this morning to discuss her mental health.

Not sure; she seems to sink further once she starts listening to it. Definitely needs Therapy which she is keen to have. Waiting for an appointment as she is fully booked.

Good idea. Will do that too.

May need the day off myself. I am exhausted

I think you can definitely 'wallow' in depressive music, but it isn't a cause of depression. She likely relates to the lyrics.

Are they actually albums by specific artists, or playlists that she has curated herself? They sound like the titles of her own playlists to me, in which case the music itself isn't "dangerous" or the root cause of anything. The playlists are just her grouping together songs that she thinks express the way she feels, and giving that group of songs a name.

I agree she needs professional help with her MH but I don't think you should go down the road of blaming the music. She's using the music to put words to the feelings she already has, like every generation of teenagers has done for years.

Makes some sense.

How do I survive these teen years? I get so overwhelmed. I need to find myself a good therapist too when I have more energy

DH sees me worrying and said he will have a word with her; but he will just makes her feel worse/guilty which isn’t going to help so I said not.

Yes, you also need support as it's so draining taking on the problems of someone you love.

Speak to her form tutor/ head of year at school. They need to be aware, arrange for some pastoral support.

Also, GP.

It is totally draining. Need to find some therapy soon for me