Asking child to move out at 18

[HollyIvy89]

Has anyone done it. Why? Where did they go?

Whats the rush? For what reason do you want to usher your child out of the house? What changes from
16 to 18? Strange.

I see. It truly was a different world, in that case.
No 16 year old today could earn enough to live completely independently, even in a shitty bedsit.

Also, it's very difficult to get a tenancy as an u18 these days, now they do credit and reference checks.

Not to mention the cost of private rents.

Only if he was a real problem, but definitely not for any other reason. My dad didn’t kick me out when I was 16 and pregnant, in fact I stayed living at home until I was 25 with my now husband and my son!

Wow i think your distorting what was the average based on your own experience

I’m interested as right now at a younger age one is expected to have parental responsibility but at 18 not. How do I communicate that current behaviours that can get quite extreme need to be reined in by 18 as there is no way I think I should cope with these from another ‘adult’. I have tried to say such but obvs they likely do not understand truly as are not mature enough. But I have planted the seed things need to alter. In an ideal world I’d be one of you who maybe has no serious issue with your teen and would balk at the title of my post. Sadly sometimes I panic and wonder what 18 will be like and what control can I have.

And I can't imagine any landlord accepting a 16 year old, even in a shitty bedsit or shared house. I live in Bristol and even young professionals in their 30's practically have to give DNA samples (along with thousands of pounds up front) to rent a flat.

What does that actually mean? How old is your child and what are they doing?

its complicated. There is lots too it. My general question is who has and why. I am well aware that it’s a lot harder than in the older days but at what point is enough enough and as a parent one has to say if you don’t change your ways I can not have you living here. I’m interested to hear if anyone has had to go down this route. I’m not saying I’d have the guts to do it. Sometimes it’s the only thing keeping me going in a bad moment.

Gosh, this thread is a sucker punch today. Yes, my DD1 will be moving out when she is 18. I’m heartbroken but it’s the right thing for our relationship and our family. DD is adopted and for the last seven years has become increasingly more violent, aggressive and verbally abusive to her much younger adoptive sister and I. Nearly two years ago, she made an horrific (false) allegation of assault against me and I was arrested (six officers in three squad cars on my tiny rural street), then processed (DNA swabs/fingerprints/mugshot) and detained in custody for 21 hours before being interviewed under caution. The police decided NFA but I was then put through a section 47 child protection investigation before being taken to an initial child protection conference where, to my eternal shame, both of my children were put on child protection plans. I have never done anything wrong. Since then, we have limped along as a family, but the trust has never been regained. I love my daughter, I will always support her and, believe me, she needs a hell of a lot of scaffolding as she pretty much operates at half her chronological age, but I just do not want to live in fear of her any more. Our home is our sanctuary.

No judgment here OP.

Fair enough. I hope things get better so you don't have to get to that point. Someone did answer earlier in the thread who'd had to do it and it sounds like it turned things around for their child and their relationship.

I actually thought of you when this thread came up in active. I remember your story. I hope you can find some peace again

I left home by choice at 18 many years ago. My son stayed living at home until he was 27
and then he got married and moved out. Times change. It wouldn't occur to me to tell an 18 year old to move out. He'd probably end up living on the streets.

Unless of course you are sunnyquoter who has posted about her own 18 year old on a different thread

It was 2004 and it was a spacious 2 bed flat above a shop for about £300 a month. It was in a small town in the North West. To give an idea of how cheap it is here, I was renting a 3 bed house that was band C council tax for £585 a couple of years ago.

So sorry to hear this it sounds so tough. My dd moved out at 17 as it had been horrendous for her and us in the previous few years due to trauma and associated behaviours. She has done well and rents a flat in a cheap area and works very very hard . It’s tough for her but she has stepped up and our relationship is better- it’s sad how things are in the sense I cannot imagine her living away so young but it was impossible for her to stay in the area

I would say that you deserve a happy, safe life too. Child to parent abuse is a massive thing, and quite a number of women are killed by their adult sons every year.

Don't let anybody guilt you into thinking you have to live like a fearful martyr indefinitely.

I'd say it might be worth investigating whether your DS might get more support if you ask him to leave before he turns 18, given that he would still technically be a child.

Are they working, or in full time education? My own DC is in 6th Form and turns 18 just before final exams start. So no, I wouldn’t kick them out on their 18th birthday, as they would have no way to pay rent/don’t currently have a FT job. We need more context here, @HollyIvy89 .

Yes trying to convince them to see a Therapist

College and has been working over a year. Their work effic if great. I am encouraging to ‘save’ for future but they also like to spend their money on nice things..

They would never be able to afford it.

I’m assuming they work PT? Perhaps you could say that they need to move out over the summer, so need to get saving for a deposit/looking for flatmates, etc, as you’re giving them x months of notice.

I really do hope to have encouraged behaviour that knows to live here as an adult they have to have respect for those in the home and people will continue to do nice things for you if you behave. I can only hope. But on my bad days I think that’s it I’ll be telling you! I will have to monitor how their maturity grows in next year

And this is what I worry about as on occasion it’s threats of I’ll lie and I’ll tell so and so this or that. I am sorry you have been through something so extreme. I have no idea how you carry on calmly x