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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old son was honey trapped

57 replies

Mumma331 · 14/10/2025 07:16

As the title suggests, my 16 year old son was honey trapped by his girlfriend.

they are high school sweethearts and have been dating for 3 years.

for whatever reason, she set up a fake profile and started messaging him pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Although he initially said he had a girlfriend, She was very complimentary to him and persuasive, sending pics etc and he stupidly agreed to meet this person!

I am obviously angry he would fall for something like this and agree to meet a complete stranger. I am also totally against cheating and have told him how wrong this was from his side. He is only 16 and knows he has made a huge mistake. but I am also angry that she was so sly and manipulative. They have mutual friends and this has completely devastated him and ruined his friendships also.

Anyway, she has agreed to give it a go if he proves to her he can change and treat her better etc.

I am trying not to get involved but I can’t help but to feel angry at her for doing this. I don’t know how to advise him

Is this an hard lesson for him or is his trust going to also be ruined for her.

any advise would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Jobhunting88 · 14/10/2025 07:22

They are both young and inmature. Hopefully they will both learn from this and grow up, and this relationship will run its course and they move to better things. Shame about the friendships.

Don’t get involved. I am glad it was her and not another complete stranger he was going to meet. How naive.

Namechangeforthis88 · 14/10/2025 07:23

He could have ignored or blocked a complete random messaging him.

Maybe she had a reason to test him?

Not lovely behaviour from her but it turns out she was right. Probably best they both move on and spend some time single but they might not see it that way. She has the advantage now.

Big shame it's affected friendships.

YouMightLikeCats · 14/10/2025 07:23

I don't know what "honey-trapped" means but it sounds like she convinced him to meet up with a fake woman that was her?

Why would anyone bother with daft games like that?

Motnight · 14/10/2025 07:24

Let them get on with it!

MNNnnn · 14/10/2025 07:26

Hopefully this one will fizzle out very soon op and and they can both get on with maturing a bit, which will be easier without much drama swirling. I hope his friendships recover soon.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/10/2025 07:27

They're 16, don't they have anything better to be doing, like their homework perhaps?

LifestyleChanges · 14/10/2025 07:30

Fucksake they're 16! What are they doing in a relationship since age 13??!!

GAJLY · 14/10/2025 07:49

They're both young and immature. It was a good lesson for him to learn! He'll never do that again, will he?! This relationship will fizzle out and they'll meet others.

DominosForDinner · 14/10/2025 07:51

They are just kids. He should apologise; she apologise. They should hang out with their mates and probably let things cool off.

I don’t think anger is the right parental response here. I imagine your ds at some level feels played, embarrassed, disconcerted and disappointed - and maybe his gf and her friends are making some cheap shots at his expense. He might be feeling bad about it even if he appears to be shrugging it off. It’s the kind of thing my dd would simply not want to talk about because it’s just “too cringe”. But it’s important to try and talk about it - It is very easy to be lured by someone into an online conversation. Very few of us are skeptical enough - and yes that’s a hard lesson to learn.

As a girl I learned quickly not to believe what a boy says - for my own physical safety it is best to be cautious. But yes once or twice I got drunk and put myself in vulnerable situations - it was just dumb luck it turned out ok. But the online world is dangerous for everyone. I had a 60 year old neighbour who was suckered by a guy who flirted with her and then extorted money from her!

So here I think it’s an opportunity to talk to your ds about the different ways people can be truly awful online. To avoid making it too embarrassing maybe choose some of the big headline stories - it will help him realise he’s not the only one who gets into these situations but also the scale of the problem.

Bothe · 14/10/2025 07:52

It was unlikely that a relationship starting at 13 years old would last forever, anyway.

TheBlueHotel · 14/10/2025 07:53

Stay out of it. You've given your view and he will experience a natural consequence of his behaviour. They are a pair of kids. Yes she was sly but she wasn't wrong was she? By the way the term is catfish not honey trap

BrainlessBoiledFrog · 14/10/2025 08:01

Your son has totally brought this on himself. When he’s an adult man cheating on his wife and baby will you still be so willing to be angry at the girl in the scenario? The girl clearly thought he was lying about being faithful to her and proved it. If your son was faithful he’d have nothing to worry about. I see a life ahead of himself in big messy break ups and drama - all of his own making as he wants the comforts of a gf but still to play the field. Let’s face it your son playing the field could have given the gf an std - would you still be on his side? He could have gotten 2 girls pregnant at the same time - is that ok? Time to have a sensible conversation with him about sexual health, the fact if he wants to play the field he should break up and not string girls along, that lying and cheating does lose people friends, that the online world is not to be trusted etc etc.

waterrat · 14/10/2025 11:58

It is obviously sad and immature behaviour from her..but...I was a really insecure teen and I can imagine doing stupid things like this to test a boyfriend.

He also shouldn't have behaved badly with a total stranger online

I would stay completely out of it

Thephantom · 14/10/2025 12:03

I think your DS should call this off. She'll keep using this whenever she wants her way. He should spend sometime being single and concentrate on his education.

katmarie · 14/10/2025 12:47

At 16, these things are going to happen. Neither of them has covered themselves in glory here, but this relationship is between the two of them, and so it's really up to them to sort it out.

Your DS is the one you need to be concerned with here, and I would be advising him, if he was mine, that what the girl did was sneaky and unpleasant, and that he should think hard about whether he wants to be in a relationship with someone who would behave that way. I'd also remind him that just because they have been together a while, it doesn't mean they have to stay together now. Finally, if he was so easily persuaded to meet a new girl, what does that tell him about this relationship? If he can think through all that critically, and still wants to make a go of it with this girl, then ultimately it's his choice. All you can do is set him up to make the best choices for him really.

I do have to say though, I'd find it difficult to welcome her into the house after that kind of nonsense!

teees · 14/10/2025 12:51

Honey trapped?

She tested him, he failed. Neither one of them comes out of this looking good but I’m not sure what kind of advice you need? Neither one of them can trust the other there is nothing to work out imo

Tubestrike · 14/10/2025 12:53

They're both young and immature , I hope your son has learnt his lesson and I hope the young lady doesn't grow up to accept this sort of thing.

cramptramp · 14/10/2025 12:53

He’s 16. She’s jealous. She should dump him. He should take it as a lesson not to be unfaithful. You should stay out of it.

purplecorkheart · 14/10/2025 12:54

I am not sure the relationship will survive and at 16 years old that may be a good thing. Hopefully your son will learn that people on the internet may not be who they seem.

turkeyboots · 14/10/2025 12:55

Stay out of it. But do not encourage him to stay with this girl.

minipie · 14/10/2025 12:58

Well they’ve both behaved a bit idiotically haven’t they. Her for playing stupid games and him for responding to an internet random.

In your shoes I would be advising him to apologise for meeting the supposed new person but also say it was a weird thing for her to do as he’s never given her any reason to doubt his loyalty (assuming this is true). Take this line both with her and mates.

Basically I think he can be apologetic whilst also not accepting that this was an ok thing to do.

CryMyEyesViolet · 14/10/2025 12:59

If your son had more respect for women then thus wouldn’t have been an issue. Yes she was playing childish games, but she is a child.

Maybe be grateful she’s taught him a lesson about fucking around and finding out.

SriouslyWhutNow · 14/10/2025 13:02

Bit sad that adult women are referring to duplicitous, manipulative behaviour as “testing him” like this is remotely ok. If it was a male doing this to a 16 year old girl they’d be advising the op to move her DC to the south pole to protect them from this obviously unhinged person. Parade of red flags here, op and your DS needs to get away from this girl.

BauhausOfEliott · 14/10/2025 13:02

I think you're investing way too much in a relationship between a pair of children.

Just let them get on with it. They're teenagers, not a married couple.

MyAcornWood · 14/10/2025 13:03

Hard lesson to learn for him I guess, don’t be a cheat, it always ends badly. I’d be hoping this lesson sticks firmly with him as he grows up, not trying to blame other people for his fuck ups, personally. Better to make these errors of judgement as a daft teenager with little skin in the game than as a grown married man with three children.