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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old son was honey trapped

57 replies

Mumma331 · 14/10/2025 07:16

As the title suggests, my 16 year old son was honey trapped by his girlfriend.

they are high school sweethearts and have been dating for 3 years.

for whatever reason, she set up a fake profile and started messaging him pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Although he initially said he had a girlfriend, She was very complimentary to him and persuasive, sending pics etc and he stupidly agreed to meet this person!

I am obviously angry he would fall for something like this and agree to meet a complete stranger. I am also totally against cheating and have told him how wrong this was from his side. He is only 16 and knows he has made a huge mistake. but I am also angry that she was so sly and manipulative. They have mutual friends and this has completely devastated him and ruined his friendships also.

Anyway, she has agreed to give it a go if he proves to her he can change and treat her better etc.

I am trying not to get involved but I can’t help but to feel angry at her for doing this. I don’t know how to advise him

Is this an hard lesson for him or is his trust going to also be ruined for her.

any advise would be appreciated.

OP posts:
SriouslyWhutNow · 14/10/2025 13:07

In healthy relationships nobody obsessively pulls out all the stops to try to convince their BF to ‘cheat’ on them. In healthy relationships no one has to ‘pass tests’. In healthy relationships both parties trust each other. And when both parties are the same age it’s a disgrace that people are excessively focusing on the male at the expense of seeing the female for what she is.

There’s a very long running heartbreaking thread on here showing where it leads when we accept this sort of manipulation, the OP of that thread has effectively lost her son to a girl with all the hallmarks of a personality disorder.

lifeturnsonadime · 14/10/2025 13:10

They are 16 years old and have been together since they were 13??? WTAF?

Neither of them come out well. I hope this runs it's course soon and that your son has learnt from this for the future.

myavocadoisgrowing · 14/10/2025 13:17

If I were him I’d say to her ‘made me realise that I’m obviously not that into you and we need to split’

its not all on him, she was being manipulative, what if he hadn’t responded? Would she have revealed she was testing him?

it’s a toxic relationship.

Flakey99 · 14/10/2025 13:18

Dating at 13??? What madness is this?
My 16yr old still hangs out with mates but definitely no boyfriend/girlfriend shenanigans.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/10/2025 13:36

None of your business.

Think back to when you were 16, do you wish your mum was this involved in your antics?

Haffiana · 14/10/2025 13:47

Teach him to stay away from game-players. It should not be like this at all at this age. The only right advice is to dump this girl. No-one should be encouraging that level of mad neediness in a partner, no matter whether your son behaved well or not.

She is the sort that can end up turning into a stalker. Seriously, she is deranged.

houseonthehill · 14/10/2025 13:47

If I were advising my son here, I’d tell him that her giving him the condition that he proves [x] and [y] in exchange for a continuing relationship with her is manipulative bollocks in the context and he should get rid.

Livelaughlurgy · 14/10/2025 13:51

If he takes anything away from this experience it should be don't believe the internet and people aren't always who they say they are. Thank God it was his girlfriend.

I wouldn't say anything against the girlfriend, he won't thank you for it, even if you're right and are proven right.

spoonbillstretford · 14/10/2025 14:02

Livelaughlurgy · 14/10/2025 13:51

If he takes anything away from this experience it should be don't believe the internet and people aren't always who they say they are. Thank God it was his girlfriend.

I wouldn't say anything against the girlfriend, he won't thank you for it, even if you're right and are proven right.

This, I'd be more concerned about his safety than what his girlfriend thinks.

houseonthehill · 14/10/2025 14:04

I guess the correct term is ‘catfished’ rather than ‘honeytrapped’.

Rumpledandcrumpled · 14/10/2025 14:11

You’ve got to be kidding me, right, he wanted to cheat and she’s the one you’re angry at? She obviously was concerned and older women than her do things like that. You’re angry at the wrong person, she’s done nothing wrong. He has.

Mizztikle · 14/10/2025 14:12

YouMightLikeCats · 14/10/2025 07:23

I don't know what "honey-trapped" means but it sounds like she convinced him to meet up with a fake woman that was her?

Why would anyone bother with daft games like that?

It wasn't a honey trap, she basically set up a fake profile to catch him out, more of a catfish.
A honey trap would mean she was trying to gain something from him i.e. information, money, sex or to entrap him on behalf of someone else.

Arlanymor · 14/10/2025 14:19

I think catfishing (which is what this was) is fairly horrible on every level and wouldn't want to be with someone who thought that was a reasonable thing to do to another person. On the other hand, if someone falls for it hook, line and sinker then they're behaving dishonestly themselves - and a potential cheater.

16 kids being immature - this relationship sounds like it is on its last legs. Leave well alone, it will its course sooner rather than later.

InfoSecInTheCity · 14/10/2025 14:27

It was immature and deceptive on her part, but they’re kids so immaturity should be expected, obviously she had legitimate and now verified concerns that your son wasn’t ready for a committed relationship. Now they’re 16 so it’s probably about emotionally and socially developmentally right that they not be ready for a committed relationship, they’re kids.

Stay out of it, other than to commiserate with him and remind him that there are consequences to every action, and he’s learning the consequences of fooling around on someone.

CharlieKirkRIP · 14/10/2025 14:30

Keep him away from her, she’s a bunny boiler and no they are not sweethearts, they are immature children too young to be in a relationship as proven by BOTH their actions.

Dollymylove · 14/10/2025 14:32

Age 16, been together 3 years.
Time to go their separate ways methinks

PixieandMe · 14/10/2025 14:47

Right, well obviously he now knows that he should have left it at 'I have a girlfriend' but what she did would definitely change the way I felt about her (if, as I assume, you previously liked her). It is sly and manipulative and he has mutual friends turn against him which must be horrible for him; did that not bother her? It would have if she cared about him, even as a friend/ex..

I wouldn't encourage my children to hang around with people who lie, trick, manipulate and have no problem seeing their friends being ganged up on or excluded.

How I would deal with it? Difficult because what you don't want is your son going back to her and repeating anything negative that you have said about her. I would therefore concentrate on encouraging him to widen his circle of friends or take up a new hobby/activity and just spending as much time with him as possible, keep talking and listening etc..

I suspect that he has learned an important lesson but she probably hasn't (unless she has told a parent what she did in which case they should have spoken to her about not tricking people).

Your son will come ultimately come out of this better as long as he has learned the important lesson here and that is what I would focus on. She doesn't sound very nice and hopefully he will eventually meet someone a lot nicer. But you must keep those feelings to yourself.

Rewis · 14/10/2025 14:48

Sounds like they are two immature teenagers. That type of testing is stupid and he showed who he is by falling for it.

It doesn't define him as a cheater for rest of his life but he should take this as a learning experience. If you don't want to cheat ib your gf, don't respond and block random women.

She didn't test him so she created this stupid test. She won't trust him and there is no way he can 'prove' he has changed. Best thing is for him to apologise for what he did and say that without trust there is no relationship. Clearly she didn't trust him and he messed up. Better to just break up and learn.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/10/2025 14:52

can not believe that your anger is directed at her!
she felt a need to test his loyalty and he failed. he should have told her. He clearly would have dumped the gf if this person was real and he fancied her more.

the gf is being unreasonable for taking him back and for being involved in your family at all.

the correct term is cat fished not honey trapped btw. Honey trapped is when a real woman pretends to be interested.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/10/2025 14:53

What would you do if your husband agreed to meet up with a pretty woman sending him Instagram messages?

caringcarer · 14/10/2025 14:56

She suspected he would cheat on her and she was proved correct.

BerryTwister · 14/10/2025 14:58

BrainlessBoiledFrog · 14/10/2025 08:01

Your son has totally brought this on himself. When he’s an adult man cheating on his wife and baby will you still be so willing to be angry at the girl in the scenario? The girl clearly thought he was lying about being faithful to her and proved it. If your son was faithful he’d have nothing to worry about. I see a life ahead of himself in big messy break ups and drama - all of his own making as he wants the comforts of a gf but still to play the field. Let’s face it your son playing the field could have given the gf an std - would you still be on his side? He could have gotten 2 girls pregnant at the same time - is that ok? Time to have a sensible conversation with him about sexual health, the fact if he wants to play the field he should break up and not string girls along, that lying and cheating does lose people friends, that the online world is not to be trusted etc etc.

@BrainlessBoiledFrog Calm down. He's 16. Not sure if you saw that bit. He's not a man in his 30s with a wife and kids. He's a child himself. She did a stupid and immature thing, and he did a stupid and immature thing back. Newsflash - teens do stupid things!!
No need to go extrapolating.

OP hopefully the 2 of them will grow up and properly end this ridiculous relationship.

BerryTwister · 14/10/2025 15:01

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/10/2025 14:53

What would you do if your husband agreed to meet up with a pretty woman sending him Instagram messages?

@Unexpectedlysinglemum do you think the behaviour of a 16 year old boy and a married man are comparable? Because I find that slightly worrying.

Skybluepinky · 14/10/2025 15:20

He was an idiot and yet you are defending him!
Not nice she did it but he showed his true colours!

MoominMai · 14/10/2025 15:20

Thephantom · 14/10/2025 12:03

I think your DS should call this off. She'll keep using this whenever she wants her way. He should spend sometime being single and concentrate on his education.

Exactly what I thought.

Also, for a child to plan this just seems so strangely OTT and a toxic move. I don’t know why PP are being so harsh on OPs son when he’s still a child. He did also tell that he had a GF but it seems like his real GF kept going and possibly wouldn’t give up until he agreed. He’s only a child after all so it’s hardly a ‘haha gotcha’ moment.

@Mumma331 YANBU imho to feel angry at the GF for setting him up like this. Is she going to do this her entire life as an adult also when she’s doing already as a child?! If he were my son, I’d advise him as this repost suggests to stay away and focus on his future.