Daily detentions for adhd son, pulling my hair out

[Sickofitall92728]

My son is in year 10 and has adhd. He attends a school that is very strict and they have brought in a new thing this year where a short detention replaces what would have been a warning previously.
They have done this in the hope that it will deter bad behaviour as the detentions are at lunchtime either for 10, 20 , or 30 mins of a 45 min lunch break.

My son is being issued a detention every single day, sometimes two. He has so many detentions he can't keep up with them as they are held at different locations. Sometimes hes missed one and then that gets upscaled .

His detentions are for talking, being distracted and distracting after being told repeatedly.

I am not excusing his behaviour at all but I have noticed a big change in this since this was brought in. He seems to he spiralling and he has now started to become argumentative with the teachers when he wasnt before.

He is missing every break and lunch break due to these detentions, time that he really needs to blow off some steam.

I find it extremely hard to relate to him as I am a people pleaser and never got detentions at school. I was well behaved and followed rules and did not like children that were the same as my son is.

We speak to him about it, try to advise , we have used bribery, rewards and punishments and nothing works.
He's gone in today promising me today he would try really hard and by 11am he has already been issued two detentions. He is being issued so many that he isn't going to have enough days to fit them all in!!!

Does anyone have any advice if your children are similar? He is no problem at home and follows our rules and boundaries , but cannot seem to do it in school. I'm worried that this is going to escalate

You definitely need a meeting. Not only is the number of detentions excessive, it shows they’re not working and even worse , his behaviour deteriorated rather than improve. Not just that, but by having conflicting detentions, and then being punished for not being able to be in two places at once , it’s deliberately setting up to fail. As is being given a detention for being distracted himself. As long as he’s not doing anything stupid or distracting others , him being distracted should not be something that gets a consequence.

After the meeting, consider whether this school is the right environment for your son. It doesn’t seem to be.

He should have “special” treatment though because he’s got ADHD. He is physically incapable of behaving in the same way as most of the other pupils. Taking his breaks off him is counterproductive and ridiculous. I’d be googling for evidence of why this isn’t helping relating to how to support children with ADHD and asking the SENCO to implement that support for him.

I agree with others who have said to arrange a meeting with the SENDCO (I’m a secondary school teacher). It may be that they could issue him a ‘time out’ pass that he could use when he starts to feel dysregulated. Perhaps you could identify his most challenging lessons and he could have a movement break if someone is available to support that. He will still need to put the extra effort in himself, but this might release some of the pressure he’s feeling.

A solicitor isn’t going to look at this. Remember that ADHD does not directly cause poor behaviour. All children have to behave well for the lesson to run smoothly.

senmagazine.co.uk/content/education/schools/12842/why-punishments-dont-work-for-children-with-adhd/

I agree a solicitor isn’t the route to go down but you’re wrong that ADHD isn’t causing this behaviour. It definitely means he’ll struggle to not talk and not become distracted. He needs accommodations to help him cope. Time out, movement breaks etc. It’s like saying a kid in a wheelchair needs to join in with PE because it’s bad behaviour not to join in with all lessons, they can’t.

See the SENCO as a matter of urgency, and ask for an EHCP assessment (don't let them fob you off).

Also get CAMHS involved and ask for their input.

Would you say the same to a child with Tourettes? Just stop your ticks?

Sorry to hear this, for a child with ADHD withholding breaktimes can be counter productive as they need to expend their energy. Sitting down all day won’t help. However at Primary they cannot keep them after school so this is their only option.

Personally I would take this as a breathing space and trial for Secondary, this will be the norm unless they go to a specialist school where they may have other ideas of sanctions (although I know some that go to specialist secondaries and they still use sanctions).
I wonder have you considered medication for ADHD, more to give them the opportunity to be able to concentrate and learn. Some adults feel while the tablets take effect (about 6 hours), their personality can be more subdued and it can come as a shock. However you may find it gives your child a new lease of life and can concentrate, achieve their best and able to cope.

speak to their SEN and see what their ideas are, it maybe hard but do listen to them as rhey will have experience in this.

Do try and view all this as a taster for Secondary, it maybe hard but it could help.

ADHD does not directly cause bad behaviour? It’s exactly what causes the behaviour and they probably wouldn’t behave that way if they didn’t have ADHD hence the diagnosis.
Thats like saying being deaf does not cause someone not to listen and all children need to listen for the lesson to run smoothly.

It sounds like the spiral of punishments is making him anxious and on edge, and even more likely to "slip up". Unfortunately we had a school like this who put my son into permanent isolation and preferred to destroy a young persons mental health rather than back down on the "zero tolerance" system. Hopefully you will find an ally in the SENDCo, head of year or someone, or your son may not make it as far as GCSEs.

The school need to tell you how they are going to manage a young person who is rapidly locked into a permanent state of punishment for what sounds like really minimal behaviours, is that really what they intended?

@TicklishMintDuck a solicitor will look at this because it is direct discrimination - the enforcing of a PCP against a disabled child by the school. Failure to provide reasonable adjustments is also discrimination. I am a non practising solicitor.

No but unsuitable classroom environments do, the law says every child is entitled to a suitable education, which if they are not home schooled comes down to the school on behalf of the local authority.
It sounds like there's a strong argument that it isn't an appropriate education for this child.
Just because the school have set up a system that doesn't work for all children doesn't make it the children's fault

"My main issue is trying to strike a good balance with school. He shouldn't be let off for bad behaviour or have special treatment but this isn't working either"

The thing is OP, that what is "bad behaviour" for another child, simply isn't for him, it's impulsive behaviour that he's struggling to control because of his condition. Does he know when he intended to do something wrong?

I used to work in a sendiass team and plenty of parents consult solicitors, but it's usually unnecessary at this stage.

But there are specialist educational solicitors who would be happy to get involved.

First of all, does he have a formal diagnosis of adhd? Is he on meds? Does he need an ehc plan?

Imo you should involve sendiass ASAP. The senco may have hands tied due to head. So external input is vital.

And I would suggest you apply for an ehc if you don't have one. It will highlight your son even if you don't get one.

I could have written this post so I really feel for you. My son went through the same thing in year 10, regularly with multiple detentions set in a day for issues such as lost or forgotten belongings, or being distracted or distracting in class - too many detentions to keep track of, and they would escalate when he forgot to attend. My son became demotivated to try because he felt so misunderstood and that he would just get detentions regardless. Each detention was accompanied by a text or an email, and a notification on the app, the barrage of automated negative communications was overwhelming, and caused a lot of stress at home. You need to find someone at school who understands your son and can help you navigate this, try a form tutor or head of year if Senco is unavailable. Keep calling and emailing and challenging until you are heard, request call backs from teachers and use this opportunity to explain your son’s needs and how to get the best from him. And make sure your son knows you have his back.

I’m in the same boat OP, also year 10 boy (newly diagnosed inattentive adhd). We aren’t quite at daily detentions yet but a fair few per week so I’m watching with interest.

Where are all the court cases then for the ADHD kids? I don’t see any.

ADHD and rude, disrespectful behaviour are different, which is why all children are expected to behave appropriately. Think about the other 29!

My DD has ADHD and could not get to school on time no matter what! Over the years things got really bad. She had detentions all over the place for going in late, not giving in homework on time etc. I told her to stop going to detentions and that I’d deal with it if they brought it to me. After many many battles and adjustments, it was a HUGE relief for us and the school when she completed her A levels.

fight for your son, and give him the courage to defy some nonsensical expectations with your backing.

OP you need to speak to SENCO as soon as possible, this situation can't go on for your poor son! I have worked in a PRU and a large proportion of the kids I worked with had ADHD. They had been completely failed by our education system. Many of them came to us barely able to read and write after 10 years in education which frankly infuriated me - many of them had been told by teachers that they would never amount to anything and made to feel like failures at 14 years old ☹️

What I found worked with these kids (I'm generalising but approaches can be tweaked to meet individual needs) -

Learning in small groups and short bursts with lots of breaks, in a low arousal environment.

Incorporating their areas of interest (graffiti art, music, sport etc) into work projects wherever possible.

Kinetic approach to learning helps many kids - getting up and moving around to complete tasks - e.g. writing on sticky notes and sticking them up on a big board or group work where everyone moves around to swap answers. This really helps kids who struggle to sit still and get fidgety.

A positive approach to every effort that is made with lots of praise and encouragement for small achievements. A general positive regard for the young person regardless of how much work they've managed that day - we can always find something to praise.

No holding grudges after a bad day/work session - we always started the day with a clean slate.

I hope your son's SENCO will help to change the approach the school is using because it really isn't going to work for a large proportion of SEN kids!

They are heard in the SEND tribunal court 100’s every year for disability discrimination and many of those will be involving children who have ADHD.

Like everyone said it's your job to advocate for your son ASAP. So stop mucking about and do it.
Also sit him down and explain to him what you're doing and why. He needs to know you're on his side.

I feel for your son. He’s getting no time just to relax. I hope Thursday goes well.

Teacher with an ADHD child here. My son’s diagnosis letter under the strategies actually has written on that breaks should not be removed for punishments. It is counter productive. He struggling to sit still and focus so they remove the time he needs to blow off steam.

Is he taking meds and when was the last review? Can you ask for one?
Do they have brain break/timeout card in place for him?
Is he allowed a discreet fidget? My dept recently bought a whole bunch of cheap ‘tangles’ off amazon for the fidgety kids. We lend them out in class. My son had a pencil case full of discreet ones so they can swap and change (he’s in primary school though)
Does he have a TA to support him and an EHCP?

Talk to SENDIASS to get some free advice.

The problem you get to another kids crying ‘unfair’ because ‘Joe didn’t get detention when he did that’ but it’s an adaptation to his disability.

My strategies is always change their seat, refocus as required, send out of room for a quick cool down if needed. It does frustrate me how little training is given to teachers to help them with ND (I've learnt more in the last few years from my own child than in 20 years of teaching!)