15 nearly 16 year old go to bus home from fencing at night alone - 10pm

[ShuriPouri]

hey guys I am wondering if I am being too much of a helicopter mom, my 6foot nearly 16 year old son wants to go fencing- but the only club is a 20 min drive away and an hour journey home by bus on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

I am loathe to let him travel home alone, yet by 10 pm I am almost always in bed.. and old mom.. over 50. He wants to go.. I have said I will drop and pick him up but he says he can do it himself.. it is in a salubrious place… but he has to catch 2 busses. One to centre of town, and one from there home. An hour ish journey and means potentially home 11pm or later.

I said perhaps I can organise an uber for him home but he seems adamant about catching the bus. And tbf he has not done a sport in a while so happy to help him out but, honestly I am not relishing idea of fetching him after my old lady bed time, so am tempted to let him do the buses. But then wondering if I am being irresponsible .. so am stuck with an either or and beating myself up on both options.

what would u do?

Whereabouts?
Is it in a busy area?
Also what’s the bus fare? Depending on cost an uber may be sensible.
DS regularly did a similar journey in London at that age, he regularly missed his stop but would just cross the road and get back as transport for kids is free.

He will be fine. Let him do it.

Just pick him up. Surely you can cope for one night a week.

It is two nights a week.

I like to be in bed by 10pm but I’d pick him up. 2 buses at that time sounds horrible.

I’d pick him up. I wouldn’t worry how tired I was - so long as he was safe . And besides, not matter how exhausted I was - I’d not be able to sleep until he was home anyway.

I’d totally go. 20mins each way for peace of mind or be pacing the floor for an hour wondering if he’s ok.

He’ll be fine.

As PP’s have already said, you’ll never settle with him catching the bus and neither would I. Either Uber or you pick him up.

Yeah I’d do it. I’m shattered by that time but I’d worry too much

Yeah it is a busy area and kids fares are not free in Nottingham.. but I think not much difference in return and or an uber home is only a few quid extra, which I am not adverse to. Might do a helicopter dry run as in take him first few times, show him where the busses are and then let him make up his mind if he wants to do it on his own or with an uber.

Why is he so adamant he wants to get the bus? Maybe it was my kids but I’d be suspicious he’s not going to this club at all…

11pm is late for a school night. Yes, even for a 16 year old.

Exactly this. I would be fretting.

Exactly.
I picked my first 2 up and now the 3rd one needs me i'll do the same, they didn't take advantage and they don't expect it, but i will always pick my loved ones up if they need me just like i knew i could call my dad if i needed him and he would be there.
I would much rather see my kid safe in my car than worry about them on public transport at night .

I think he knows how much I like my early bed time and tryna save me money with the uber.

I would let him get the bus. It’s late, but not the stroke of midnight, and he’s nearly 16 - when he turns 16 he can do this whether you like it or not. He needs to build up independence somehow. Just make sure he has his phone and money, and texts when he gets on the bus.

If you aren’t willing to pick him up then you need to let him get a bus or pay for an Uber.

Just pick him up. Surely you can cope for 2 nights a week. Ffs

If he wants independence get him Teen Uber and then he can arrange it.

I think he can get a bus !

Obviously, he gets the bus. At least he can try it and see how it goes.

Totally fine.

He's nearly 16, of course he can get the bus. Sounds like he would enjoy the independence as he seems keen. Have a back up plan of lift, uber etc in case of bus lateness etc.
Or, would picking him up where the first bus terminates be an option? He is still getting the bus, however no faff with waiting on next bus and less of a journey for you

Omg. You are being a helicopter mum. Let him have some independence. Poor lad.