15 nearly 16 year old go to bus home from fencing at night alone - 10pm

[ShuriPouri]

hey guys I am wondering if I am being too much of a helicopter mom, my 6foot nearly 16 year old son wants to go fencing- but the only club is a 20 min drive away and an hour journey home by bus on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

I am loathe to let him travel home alone, yet by 10 pm I am almost always in bed.. and old mom.. over 50. He wants to go.. I have said I will drop and pick him up but he says he can do it himself.. it is in a salubrious place… but he has to catch 2 busses. One to centre of town, and one from there home. An hour ish journey and means potentially home 11pm or later.

I said perhaps I can organise an uber for him home but he seems adamant about catching the bus. And tbf he has not done a sport in a while so happy to help him out but, honestly I am not relishing idea of fetching him after my old lady bed time, so am tempted to let him do the buses. But then wondering if I am being irresponsible .. so am stuck with an either or and beating myself up on both options.

what would u do?

Normally I’ll all for fostering independence but I think 2 buses on school nights is too much. Not his fault you’re an older mum!

It wouldn't worry me from a safety POV, but it's too late for a school night, so I'd pick him up in term time and let him bus it in the holidays. It's not super late - you can home and in bed by 1030

I think it’s too late on a school night especially as it’s two buses. Just pick him up in your pjs you’ll be in bed by 10.30.

I'd collect him and go to bed at 10:30. Surely you can wait an extra 30 mins to go to bed!

Btw, as it’s fencing, he will have a lot of kit. All white, and heavy. The jacket and trousers are stiff and bulky. In winter he’ll need a big coat to fit over it all. He’ll also have a heavy mask, glove, fleuret and water. Presumably all that will need to be stored in his fencing carrier, which is a long bag either on wheels. Not a simple matter of running for a bus with a rucksack on his bag.

What’s your area like? I’m in France, where all the kids fence (it’s a cheap sport), so people wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with my son bussing it in London. I’d be worried about him being picked on, or having his kit nicked.

This. As an older mum, it’s down to me to ensure my son's not penalised by my age.

10pm seems late for an activity for under 18s to finish during the week.

I feel your pain about late nights, but I would suck it up for now until you see how the land lies. It is possible it finishes earlier sometimes or he could leave a bit earlier if needed.

I wouldn’t be overly happy with a 15/16 year old getting two buses at that time of night, particularly as we’re getting into colder weather and darker nights.

He will have a lot of kit.

You might as well pick him up or use an Uber or you'll be lying awake waiting for him to come in or you'll be having to go and get him when the second bus doesn't turn up.

I'd pick him up and go to bed at 10.30pm twice a week!

I think this is absolutely fine. He is 16.

This. No way would I get into bed and possibly go to sleep, not knowing if my son was safely home! My 13yo son fences until 930pm. We car pool with another family; he's usually home by 950pm. Then he'll want a chat/possibly a snack etc, before bed. This is a school night.

Shows how aware you are of what’s happening and going on out there these days.
Its frightening.
And he will be alone.
Ridiculous to call Op a helicopter Mum- I call it being a caring , considerate Mum.

Would you let your daughter do the same journey at night because statistically boys are more likely to be assaulted/get into a fight?