15 nearly 16 year old go to bus home from fencing at night alone - 10pm

[ShuriPouri]

hey guys I am wondering if I am being too much of a helicopter mom, my 6foot nearly 16 year old son wants to go fencing- but the only club is a 20 min drive away and an hour journey home by bus on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

I am loathe to let him travel home alone, yet by 10 pm I am almost always in bed.. and old mom.. over 50. He wants to go.. I have said I will drop and pick him up but he says he can do it himself.. it is in a salubrious place… but he has to catch 2 busses. One to centre of town, and one from there home. An hour ish journey and means potentially home 11pm or later.

I said perhaps I can organise an uber for him home but he seems adamant about catching the bus. And tbf he has not done a sport in a while so happy to help him out but, honestly I am not relishing idea of fetching him after my old lady bed time, so am tempted to let him do the buses. But then wondering if I am being irresponsible .. so am stuck with an either or and beating myself up on both options.

what would u do?

Let him get the bus, he obviously wants to be more independent.

Get him to set up an Uber account so that if he misses the bus there's a safe alternative.

And stress to him that if neither are available he must phone you to pick him up.

Then leave him to it.

Will he have any kit - that might make it a bit tricker. A full on fencing bag is a beast. And he might not wanting to be catching the bus in his lovely white breeches 😬 (fencing mum!)

Get him to wear his fencing mask home - no-one will come near him!

Omg yes! Ha ha ha!

No kit to start, which is next week. But yeah he is gonna need to change if he is serious and wants to continue.

I think I’m gonna do as Crimson Stoat says.

Let him try the bus journey and uber if things get too late. He turn 16 in 6 weeks and a sensible lad.

I might do the first few drop offs and then play it by ear! Ty everyone.

I feel like this is how we are breeding anxiety riddled parent-dependant young adults, telling a 15 year old catching a bus at 10pm is so unsafe he needs his mum to collect him. Everyone talks about independence but nobody ever seems to actually take the steps to make it happen. When I was 15 I would go out for the whole weekend going to parties, sofa crashing and travelling via public transport.

I think it’s great he wants a bit of appropriate independence.

I wouldn’t be against the bus.

I also would pick up because it’s school night. But then my ds does sport (swimmer) that requires me up at 4am 4 weekday mornings and 6am on a Saturday as well as evening training until 7 or 8 pm those days. So I’ve just got into the habit of my sleep pattern fitting around the need for him to have lifts!!!!!

the positive of the lift is that it’s an hour a week you’ll be together in the car and it’s always the best time to chat to teens!!!!

If it finishes at 10pm and it's a 20 minute drive, surely you can be tucked up in bed by 10.30? You wouldn't be able to sleep until you know he's home safe, so if on the bus that's potentially 11pm!

Irregardless of other factors, you'll be asleep much sooner!

Just pick him up. You sound too inflexible about your own needs. If he finishes at 10 and it’s 20 minutes away you will be home by 10.20 and in bed by 10.30 half an hour after your usual bedtime. It’s a way better option than being half awake until 11/11.30 when he gets home and it will be better for him too. When I was a kid I was always having to get the bus, walk home late at night, cadge a lift off my friend’s parents because my parents hated going out in the car to pick me up. I would have loved it if they had insisted on picking me up but I knew not only were they not going to but also I couldn’t ask them because I also wasn’t supposed to make them feel bad by having to say ‘no’. I hated it and felt embarrassed by their absence of care for me.

The bus is fine, I would leave him to it. Why are you so worried about it? I think it is important for them to be independent.

Let him do the two buses through town and once he’s done it and realised it’s a pain in the bum, offer the Uber again 😁

Let him do it. He should be fine. Even better if he can ride with a mate. Who knows someone at fencing club might start giving him a lift.

Why? He will likely have to get familiar with busses when he goes to Uni.
My DC all had to take an hours bus to sixth form in the city from 16 as well.

Paying for an Uber- fine if he’s a privileged boy. But not if you want to teach self sufficiency.

Mix it up. Go with him on bus 1st time etc. Give him uber app. Give him lifts. Weather and your energy and everything else dependent

I think it's a bit late for a 15 year old to be getting a bus, especially go ven he has to change and what if 1 was late so he missed the connection, it could be even longer.
I wouldn't even be particularly keen getting them at that time myself as an adult, but maybe that's because I hardly go out on the evenings nowadays.
I think start by giving him a lift, maybe he can start getting the bus in the spring when the evenings are getting lighter and he is older?

Surely you get to bed earlier by picking him up so I don't see what the issue is.

Mine would be getting the bus. You’re anxious so just pick him up

He can bus it.

That’s a late night in is GCSE year

I don't think there's a problem with him getting the bus and having independence at his age but you're going to be awake anyway waiting for him to get in so you might as well pick him up.

Far too late in a GCSE year. I’m afraid I would insist on picking him up simply because of that.

I have a 16 year old DD (which is different I know, even if it shouldn’t be), two nights a week she has netball games till 10/10.30pm and one night she works at Waitrose till 10pm. We’re in a very suburban area with an easy bus ride. I collect her from it all, blinking knackered but I’ve adapted my schedule as I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway. The surprising benefit - we have some brilliant chats on the way home from each thing, short moments but ones I love. I’m holding onto the fact that she’ll look after me in my life old age…and it’s only for a short time

You need to connect with other parents and get into a lift share.

Having had two swimming DC with pool times starting at 5.15am most working days, I can confirm that this is the best way to preserve your sleep.

We live in London and my children have travelled independently sometimes quite late at night since they were 13, boys and girls. Yes this is helicopter parenting.

I’m an older mum too, older than you I think, and I still pick my son up from his fencing. I go to bed late, though.