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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I don’t like my teenager

66 replies

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 20:48

My daughter is 15. I’m a single mum, have been since she was 3. I have put my whole life on hold and worked my ass off to give her everything. Sge does not see her dad, he is a huge loser. My daughter is bright, funny, considerate, kind and caring…..until it comes to me. I work full time and have done for a long time. I think of her at every opportunity, what would make her happy, days out, things, days in, party’s, trips. She is my first priority. She doesn’t seem to care though, she seems bored at anything I suggest and causes problems at any opportunity. I am so sick and tired of trying to please her. I don’t date, don’t go out, don’t do anything, I’m literally her mum and I am so done with it! I actually want to run away, I won’t of course, but I don’t like her! I’m not asking anything, I just want to rant! I feel like I’m trapped in this horrible situation and I miss the girl who used to love me

OP posts:

CracklingFlames · 26/08/2025 20:50

The eldest was horrible aged 15&16, she's coming out the other side of it now. My youngest hit 14 and turned in an instant. Looks like I've got another couple of years left yet. Maybe it's time for you to do things outside of being her mum. Do you have friends/hobbies/ibterests?

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 20:55

No I don’t do anything apart from work and be her mum. I would love to meet some friends but guess I prioritised her and now I’m feeling a little kicked in the teeth. At the same time I know that was my job but she’s just such a shit

OP posts:

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 20:56

I’m sorry you have got this all over again, that’s so rubbish!

OP posts:

BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 20:57

They are horrid at that age, they really are. But you shouldn't sacrifice your whole self for her. What will you have left when she leaves home?

BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 20:57

They are horrid at that age, they really are. But you shouldn't sacrifice your whole self for her. What will you have left when she leaves home?

HappySummerDays · 26/08/2025 20:58

Start doing things for yourself. Look at evening classes maybe or join a gym or leisure centre.

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:02

I want to. I do feel really bad if I do anything, not that she even notices if I’m not around. 15, nearly 16 is ok to leave on her own for a bit though? This kid would be ok laying in bed all day long, not washing or brushing her teeth! It’s driving me insane

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WalkingaroundJardine · 26/08/2025 21:04

She sounds a typical teenage girl to me. At 15, she is still young and will be constantly changing. When she is 18, you will look back on 15 and be quite surprised at how much she has moved on.

It’s important not to take out your feelings of resentment against her at this stage in life, which we all know is infuriatingly selfish. Start prioritising friendships and interests of your own - start new hobbies and even go out on your own to stuff you want to do. Invite her but don’t take it personally if she isn’t interested. You are two different people and she may be more interested later on - perhaps not until adulthood actually. My DD has become more interested in coming on family holidays since after she moved out. She is contacting grandma more and all sorts of things that are surprising me.

indoorplantqueen · 26/08/2025 21:04

Stop offering to do stuff with her. She’s 15. Does she have friends? Perhaps put yourself first for once and make yourself less available. She’ll need you more then.

Sassybooklover · 26/08/2025 21:11

You need to start putting time into yourself. You aren't just a Mum, you are an individual person with your own needs and wants. Of course you've prioritised your daughter,that's what any decent parent does. However, in doing so, you've lost yourself and now your daughter has reached the teenage years, she's off with her friends, and you're on your own. There's nothing stopping you from dating, starting an evening class etc. At 15/16 she's perfectly capable of being left on her own for a few hours. You need to forge a life outside of your daughter, what happens in a few years if she goes off to university or/and leaves home?

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:13

She has a couple of friends, never goes out, during the holidays has just been asleep or festering in her pjs. I’ve had 2 weeks off and suggested things but she just looks so miserable or causes arguments. She never helps around the house, she’s messy, doesn’t appreciate anything I do for her. If I ask for help with anything it’s a whole song and dance. She used to be such a lovely daughter to me but now I just don’t know what happened

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 26/08/2025 21:16

Of course she’s old enough to leave on her own!!!

go out, get yourself your life back!

Tay596 · 26/08/2025 21:18

I think you should be more concerned as to whether she's ok - has she not seen anyone the whole holidays? She's at the age where she'll want to be doing things with friends, not her mum. I'd be really worried she was a bit depressed and struggling tbh but you seem to be making it all about you and what she's not doing for you.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/08/2025 21:20

You’ve probably done too much for her op it sounds like. ‘She doesn’t know she’s born’ as my mum would say. You need to go out for her sake too. Go out over a meal time so she has to sort it out her selves. Over the holidays me and my girls (16 & 14) have mostly done our own thing. If we’re all at home at the same time, then I’ll cook dinner, but otherwise we fend for ourselves for meals.

BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 21:30

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:02

You don't leave her?? Of course it is! I've been leaving mine overnight since he was 14 (with his agreement of course) and he's now almost 17 and is at home feeding the cat while we are on holiday (his choice again)
you need to take a massive step back from centring her in your life.

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:30

I’m really glad you posted this. I have been worried about her, she has counselling as sge does struggle with the lack of dad in her life and other things. This is why I do try to get her out the house and do things with her.

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Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:33

i go shopping and stuff and leave her but wouldn’t go out out and leave her

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BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 21:34

Why not?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/08/2025 21:39

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:33

i go shopping and stuff and leave her but wouldn’t go out out and leave her

Why not?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/08/2025 21:39

BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 21:34

Why not?

Oh. I was too slow pressing post.

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:40

Oh god I’d feel bad! Like out out? Out for the night or til late? Blimin hell, I dunno!

OP posts:

BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 21:42

Well you've made a proper rod for your own back I'm afraid. Why would you feel bad?

Ddakji · 26/08/2025 21:45

If it helps, OP, I’ve never left DD by herself overnight and she’s 15.

Is she better when she’s in school? I think the lack of routine in the summer holidays can be very difficult.

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:48

i feel I need to clear something up. I would leave her for the night if someone was around to look after her of course (in the past). But at 15 on her own? I don’t have a lot of support

OP posts:

Original poster

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:50

Thank you! That has helped. I was thinking maybe I was a little crazy for not leaving her

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