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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I don’t like my teenager

66 replies

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 20:48

My daughter is 15. I’m a single mum, have been since she was 3. I have put my whole life on hold and worked my ass off to give her everything. Sge does not see her dad, he is a huge loser. My daughter is bright, funny, considerate, kind and caring…..until it comes to me. I work full time and have done for a long time. I think of her at every opportunity, what would make her happy, days out, things, days in, party’s, trips. She is my first priority. She doesn’t seem to care though, she seems bored at anything I suggest and causes problems at any opportunity. I am so sick and tired of trying to please her. I don’t date, don’t go out, don’t do anything, I’m literally her mum and I am so done with it! I actually want to run away, I won’t of course, but I don’t like her! I’m not asking anything, I just want to rant! I feel like I’m trapped in this horrible situation and I miss the girl who used to love me

OP posts:
Darkdiamond · 26/08/2025 21:52

Hi OP. It sounds like you have poured yourself into your child and done your absolute best. It's easy to get waylaid and find yourself in a rut, years down the line. I want to just comment on something that jumped out at me. It's when you said you'd feel bad if you went out-out and left her. I think a 15 year old would be fine to stay at home while her mum goes out for a meal or a few drinks with friends.

I've noticed through the years that when a parent says they would feel bad about something that is totally normal, it often means that they have unconsciously created a system where the child is the centre of the universe and the parents' sole job is to tend to said child. Both parties, child and adult, buy into this notion that the child is to be served and the mother, serve. It normally comes from a really good place and is routed in wanting the best for your child.

However you need to retrain your brain to stop seeing yourself as your daughter's lifeline. You've put the hard work in so now start reminding yourself that you are important too!

Darkdiamond · 26/08/2025 21:54

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:48

i feel I need to clear something up. I would leave her for the night if someone was around to look after her of course (in the past). But at 15 on her own? I don’t have a lot of support

Like could you not meet friends for a meal and a few drinks and be home at 1am? 12 even. I don't have late ones when I meet up with friends. I don't drink but mostly am just knackered!

Bufftailed · 26/08/2025 21:55

i was a demon child to my single parent mum - we are very close now. I do strongly recommend you have you own social life though. I have a DC 16 and enjoy doing my own thing. I think it also makes the time we are together better. Can you find something you both like too, maybe a tv series

Original poster
Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:56

Darkdiamond I love your post and can relate. I don’t think I have any other identity now as she’s gotten older! I must start doing more things for me

OP posts:
Bufftailed · 26/08/2025 21:58

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:02

I want to. I do feel really bad if I do anything, not that she even notices if I’m not around. 15, nearly 16 is ok to leave on her own for a bit though? This kid would be ok laying in bed all day long, not washing or brushing her teeth! It’s driving me insane

Of course ok to leave her for a period alone. Maybe not late in the evening but daytime, few hours earlier on on the eve, back by ten or even nine. She’ll prob miss you 🤣

thismummydrinksgin · 26/08/2025 21:59

You can absolutely leave her on her own, it sounds like it may do you both good. She may aprechaite you more when you get back. Sounds pretty normal behaviour though. But you deserve a life too, and she’s old enough to accommodate that x

Original poster
Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 21:59

I think after chatting to you lovely ladies I’ve realised the dynamics have changed but I haven’t changed my approach. I think she just doesn’t need me as much and I need to take a step back. Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Mischance · 26/08/2025 22:05

It is hard. I had 3 DDs and understand the challenges.

At this age they need to establish their separate identity and they often do this by rejecting parents and all they stand for (even simple things like getting up in the morning, cleaning teeth, doing chores, being polite).

It is all more acute in your situation as there are no siblings and no Dad on the scene to dilute the whole awfulness. So separating from you is harder for her as she knows she is the centre of your life. She has to make her point more forcefully.

This is a normal transition and the path into a new relationship is a tough one. She needs to know she is still loved - you are the only person she has - but at the same time she needs to establish her own new identity as a young adult.

One of the ways you could help with this is to try and find ways of expanding your own life so that she does not feel responsible for your happiness. I know she is deliberately making you unhappy at the moment but it is her way of saying: "Don't lay this responsibility on me - I need to be free to develop in my own way."

The aim is not to recreate the relationship you had with your cute little DD - she is part of the past. The aim is to develop a new more adult relationship with her whilst at the same time being her protector and rock - a very fine line to tread and we all find it hard!

Could you introduce some new things into your life somehow so she can see you as something other than her Mum, so she knows there are other tings in your life?

She does still love you - she is just trying to negotiate the path to a new relationship with you.

Shewasafaireh · 26/08/2025 22:06

I went through the same, although DD was always happy to have me waiting on her and things only started going sour when I started seeing someone (I waited until she was 18).

When she was about 15-16 I started feeling increasingly down and lonely as I had no other purpose other than working and being her mother. It’s not enough. It will do you both good to have a break from each other every now and then.

Laura95167 · 27/08/2025 17:57

I think youre trying too hard, and shes taking you for granted because youve done such a good job. By time shes 20 this will be different.

But I do think maybe you should do somethings for you too

Slackbladder22 · 27/08/2025 17:58

Im a single dad to a daughter, from when she was three after my wife died. She’s 8 now and I love her to bits. But I have not an will not sacrifice my entire life for her. I’ve been dating, I see my friends, I go out. Why have you sacrificed so much? She sounds like a normal teenager to me, it’s your resentment that is the issue. I see it quite a lot on this forum. Why do so many women feel they have to sacrifice everything for their kids? It’s not healthy for anyone

Sharptonguedwoman · 27/08/2025 18:03

I wouldn't have left my DD at 15 overnight but I certainly did go out for the evening when she was 15. She had a few days ill at home as kids do and I went to work (very close by but not in the house or readily available). DD needs a little freedom, OP and so do you.

V12red · 27/08/2025 18:25

It’s usual teenage behaviour. I have 3 kids. 2 are girls with 16 months between them and let me tell you it was a NIGHTMARE at times. The amount of moodiness, arguing and falling out we had was insane. I too was a single parent. But… it does get better! I am super close to my girls now and the elder one is 27 and getting married next week. You have to do stuff for yourself though and drop that guilt!

Mrsgreen100 · 27/08/2025 18:32

It’s completely shit at that age. I totally sympathise with you, my daughter seemed like she had a personality transplant around the age of 14. She’s 21 now I’m still a pain in the arse although she’s moved out she’s still driving me absolutely round the twist, selfish entitled me stuff Never helps never ask how I am doesn’t even bother to get me a birthday card on it goes but I am told reliably by friends that they come back to a normal person eventually. Unless there’s any other mental health stuff going on which there is with so many teenagers don’t beat yourself up. Girls are so difficult and those young years of teens are a nightmare. All my friends with girls have been through it and some of the girls have come out the other side now and they’re really nice humans again.

JLou08 · 27/08/2025 18:33

It's pretty normal for teens to get bored of activities with their parents, they're becoming more independent from the family and more interested in friends. I think you should start doing more for you and building your own life, get out with friends, date if that's what you want to do. In a few years your DD will be off into the world on her own. It's time you both started to branch out from each other.

Justmemyselfandi999 · 27/08/2025 18:40

I’m sorry but I don’t think this is okay. I’ve a nearly 15 year old daughter. I’m also a single foster carer and work as a civil servant. My daughter can’t do enough to help me, is genuinely a pleasure to spend time with, and is up at the crack of dawn every day to sort our pony before work and school. Put some boundaries and expectations in place, and prioritise yourself occasionally!

Someone2025 · 27/08/2025 18:43

Blueberry1980 · 26/08/2025 20:48

My daughter is 15. I’m a single mum, have been since she was 3. I have put my whole life on hold and worked my ass off to give her everything. Sge does not see her dad, he is a huge loser. My daughter is bright, funny, considerate, kind and caring…..until it comes to me. I work full time and have done for a long time. I think of her at every opportunity, what would make her happy, days out, things, days in, party’s, trips. She is my first priority. She doesn’t seem to care though, she seems bored at anything I suggest and causes problems at any opportunity. I am so sick and tired of trying to please her. I don’t date, don’t go out, don’t do anything, I’m literally her mum and I am so done with it! I actually want to run away, I won’t of course, but I don’t like her! I’m not asking anything, I just want to rant! I feel like I’m trapped in this horrible situation and I miss the girl who used to love me

Start living your life otherwise you will become very resentful, your daughter will be gone in a few years.

Also stop bending over backwards for her and then she will appreciate it more, you sound like you could still be quite young so you do have time to rebuild your life

GiveDogBone · 27/08/2025 18:44

It must be soul destroying, but rest assured she will appreciate you one day.

MMUmum · 27/08/2025 18:44

Just remember a parent's job is to give children roots and wings. Teach them.to fly and let them go, but make sure they know they can always come back when they need you. You are doing a good job because your Dd is already starting to break the apron strings, she doesn't always want to be with you but make sure you enjoy the moments when she does.

Troodledoodle · 27/08/2025 19:17

I’d suggest start building your own life she’ll find you more interesting and want to engage with you. At the moment she’s going through that horrible stage and whatever you do it’ll be wrong 🤓

Cucy · 27/08/2025 19:27

OP she’s a teen and it’s the summer holidays.

She loves you more than you can possibly realise but she’s in her moody, selfish era.

Definitely start doing things for yourself more.
She’s old enough to start being left alone.

Start going for a walk after work a couple of times a week.
Its free and good for you.
Then you can start thinking about what other hobbies you can do.

Richtea1234 · 27/08/2025 19:28

It may not be what you want to hear, but your daughter may not value days in or out or party’s, most children (especially younger children want their mums time and attention).
By the time they are teenagers, you can’t go back and give them what they feel they missed out on.
She may also carry unresolved issues about not having a father (loser or not).
Being a single parent is difficult and unfortunately can have more unintended consequences too.
For your own sanity, stop giving her things, she doesn’t appreciate them anyway. The more we get, the less we appreciate things (goes for adults too).
Allow your teen to be a teen (mood swings and all), it’s a normal part of growing up. Things will work out eventually if you remain calm, fair and firm.
And remember, she didn’t ask to be born, you decided to have a child, so she doesn’t owe you a thing for all the hours you worked or things you bought her. Good luck.

user764329056 · 27/08/2025 19:29

I was in same position OP, single mum working full time, mortgage, no financial or any support from her dad, I tried to over compensate for such a deadbeat, I know she had and still has issues around absent father, she went abroad to work for a season and came home transformed, she’s a beautiful adult which I could never imagine happening at your stage, stick with it, she will come through

JazbayGrapes · 27/08/2025 19:51

She sounds fed up. Organizing everything is cute at 5, but at 15 she needs her own space.

Jorge14 · 27/08/2025 21:50

i feel your pain & some. Worst time of my life without a doubt. My DS is 17 and I’ve had 3 years of hell so far. We are not alone but I always feel like it’s just me. Rest assured you are not alone & many teenagers are horrid