DS (17) not in education, training or work

[Puffin98]

Hi, a bit of a sensitive situation so please go easy on me. My eldest DS is a lovely boy, kind and caring and has an autism diagnosis which however unfortunately he won’t accept. He had a happy time at primary and got through secondary school okay but didn’t massively love education and only got 3 GCSE passes as he didn’t revise at all. He managed to scrape into a course at our local college, as we intervened, which was one of his interests but he never made any effort over the last year and did not submit work to allow him to continue for the second year - and he doesn’t want to go back anyway as he says it’s ’full of nerds and geeks’. He has lost touch with most of his mates from school. So we are faced with a teenager who has literally nothing to do in September. I looked at the job centre jobs local to us which were pretty rubbish but that might just be what he has to go for. It feels a lonely place to be when my mum friends have high exceeding kids. Has anyone had a similar problem with their child and, if so, how did you manage to sort it, if at all?

Hi, you mentioned he was only a few marks off in English how close to grade 4 was he? If it's 1/2 marks is it worth asking for a remark? Your local council should have post 16 team who can advise on next steps and offer advise, they also usually know of off free courses he could access, to you have any alternative provisions locally to you that teach trades, employment skills etc .You can also home educated him but like others said you will lose any child benefit/ uc

I’m in this exact situation with my 19 year old. Ditched college last year, hung around waiting to start the Kings trust course (which was fantastic - just finished) but now back in the same boat. Having daily arguements about job hunting as he is reluctant. I’ve found him lots but he just won’t apply.
he is for sure undiagnosed adhd / autism. Which we have realised whilst researching for my youngest!
it’s becoming a daily battle. He falls out of bed and straight on his computer. Barely even eats.
the router is coming to work with me once my youngest is back at school!

I'd also reiterate to him (assuming you work) that it's what keeps food on table, roof over heads etc and one day he will need to do this too.

He will fall into the Neet category and there should be some kind of support from the local council to help him get back into education or training. I’ve worked in this area and the kids had the options of a couple of different courses, depending on need, resits or functional skills and a personal tutor to help them think about next steps. Many of them had autism / adhd and had struggled with school for various reasons. So you could try contacting the youth / community department of your local council. I’m assuming all local councils offer this, but maybe that’s not the case. Hopefully it is!

If he has autism diagnosis, could he go to specialist sixth form? We have one locally, it's attached to one of the top local schools. Our neighbours daughter who had hydrocephalus as a baby and left mainstream secondary with similar gcse results spent 2 years there and is now about to embark on animal care course with a view to working in a stables.

Hi everyone, sorry have been busy getting my other children back to school, but good news, the college sent his English test for remarking so he has now actually got both English and Maths GCSEs which is good for any job applications. He is still in his bedroom but has been selling clothes that he buys cheaply so at least he is doing something. He categorically rejects his autism diagnosis so not really anywhere I can go with that, but hopefully when he matures a bit more he will be more accepting. What I have done is scroll through all your messages and made a list of all of the helpful suggestions made, which I will look to follow up. He really is a lovely boy and kind to his siblings, I think I read that some children with autism are about 3 years younger in terms of maturity so that probably isn’t helping. Thank you for all of your helpful input, who’d be a parent eh..