DS (17) not in education, training or work

[Puffin98]

Hi, a bit of a sensitive situation so please go easy on me. My eldest DS is a lovely boy, kind and caring and has an autism diagnosis which however unfortunately he won’t accept. He had a happy time at primary and got through secondary school okay but didn’t massively love education and only got 3 GCSE passes as he didn’t revise at all. He managed to scrape into a course at our local college, as we intervened, which was one of his interests but he never made any effort over the last year and did not submit work to allow him to continue for the second year - and he doesn’t want to go back anyway as he says it’s ’full of nerds and geeks’. He has lost touch with most of his mates from school. So we are faced with a teenager who has literally nothing to do in September. I looked at the job centre jobs local to us which were pretty rubbish but that might just be what he has to go for. It feels a lonely place to be when my mum friends have high exceeding kids. Has anyone had a similar problem with their child and, if so, how did you manage to sort it, if at all?

You’ve mentioned he’s painting and DIY. Does he have enough interest to try and get a labourers job with someone? Maybe ask on a local Facebook page? I hope he is able to find something he enjoys soon.

www.kingstrust.org.uk

I work in FE and our college is partnered with the King's Trust, I spoke to an organiser today on behalf of a young person and I was very impressed. NOT to be confused with the Prince's trust. They focus on what the young person IS interested in, and put things in place to get them 2 weeks work experience in their chosen area, also help with work skill etc have a look at the website. A 17 year old does have to be in education, employment or training so the option to do nothing is not possible. I wish him luck.

I know a couple of teens who went through this - it was a difficult few years for them and their families, but in their very early 20s things seemed to slip back into place for them - one went back to study in their early 20s (further education then higher education), and one got a job that they enjoyed.

I'm not sure if my approach is good as like your DS he won't accept his diagnosis.The older he gets the more it pisses him off and all he talks about is how other people are more autistic than him. He wouldn't even allow me to tell college or his place of work. He is so socially awkward that his kitchen porter job suits him as he is behind scenes in the kitchen. My parents don't understand but I think a year out could ally help.
I'd ask on your local fb and see if he can join someone doing painting and decorating, even unpaid,then it can go on his CV. I'd also get him to email all the local pubs and restaurants to see what they have going as lots of university students will be going back soon. My son couldn't get to grips with driving,he almost had a breakdown( college,working eves and driving lessons) but he passed his CBT in April and I got him a moped,so he can commute to work.
Good luck op

Isn't the King's Trust the new name for the Prince's Trust? (not the point of the thread, I know)

Yes, they would. Open University do many levels of courses (some are free) most don't ask for any prior qualification or formal academic requirements. I just looked at their requirements for an actual full time degree (example, BA (Honours) Business Management) and they look at individuals not qualifications. So, it states: There are no formal entry requirements to study this qualification. OPs child could do some free courses along with a part time job then an access course on OU, and work towards a degree level course or move on to college elsewhere. However, this would require input and organisation to get on with it, and since they found college tricky it may well not be the best idea!

Does he have an EHCP? As if he does and is autistic he can stay in education until 25 I believe.

I would be trying to be realistic with him, he either has to go to college or get an apprenticeship. Could be a different topic from what he tried before if he didn't like that but he can't be hanging around doing nothing.

Yes they rebranded about eight months ago. Good call all the same.

Your not wrong in a way but they are doing separate things so someone that has done Prince's trust can go do this if they want.

He should claim jobseekers or uc or whatever it is these days.

there are often schemes available that offer supported internships or supported employment for people with disabilities and the job centre/employment advisors are the route to getting on them.

https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/careers-advice/career-and-job-support-for-people-with-a-disability/

These people offer supported internships for example

https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/services/i-am-an-autistic-young-person/supported-internships

The autism society also have a lot of resources you can use, and volunteering (for them or for others) can be a good route into employment.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/support-to-get-work-experience-and-find-a-job

it’s generally acknowledged that people with autism have more difficulty finding and keeping employment than non-autistic people and so there is a fair bit of support out there, some from the state and some from charities.

i used to teach autistic teens and many of them were capable to accessing employment with support.

What difference would it make if he did accept his autism diagnosis?

By the sound of it, he might struggle with certain things.But he's quite high functioning. Some children without autism don't do as well as your son in terms of exams. You say he would have got the grades if he d done some work and some revision, so that's on him. Not everything can be blamed on autism.

What difference would it really make if he accepted it. Some things are just personality.

My daughter left school at 16 with no qualifications at all, refused to go to college ( had a v v late diagnosis of adhd, autism and pda at 15) anyway she got a part time job well lots of them as kept leaving and now at the age of 20 is starting college next week. Nobody from the council was bothered that she wasn’t in education. So my advice try and get an apprenticeship or a job and maybe just maybe he might go back to college or he might not but education is not for everyone

Just to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post, I really appreciate it. Unfortunately my DS isn’t mature enough to accept his autism diagnosis yet, but hopefully will in the future. He has painted his room tonight to a professional standard and has also tidied up all the brushes and trays. I will take the wisdom kindly shared in these posts to support him in whatever comes next. Appreciate that he needs to be productive and earn some money and get out of the house.

Look for apprenticeships either through college or a provider

Also contact the NEET team via your county council

I work with young people with autism and I would say that college isn’t for everyone. However, I’d look into online functional skills English via your local college as they may offer that which would be good to get under his belt while he does a bit of part time work too. The good thing with functional skills is that you can usually take it for free at your local college even as an adult so no rush. Think outside the box and follow his interests- he might need a bit more support and guidance from you but that’s ok- go at his pace and get him to try lots of different things. He will get there!

I think there are no entry requirements for OU degrees, but you are encouraged to follow their guidance to check if you're ready to do the degree you're interested in & with only 3 GCSEs & no English, say, would prob be advised to do some of their study skills/access courses that get you ready. I followed this pathway to eventually do an OU BSc degree when I had no maths, a small no. of fairly crap GCEs from many years ago & no A levels & I got a First - but I was middle aged & determined by then, LOL - still, it's an option that's out there for young people if they're up for it

Our daughter is neurodivergent and struggles. She finished a college course in June and I’ve managed to get her on a course called ‘Preparation for Employment’ which is followed by another course called ‘Supported Internship’. So sorted for the next 2 years! She has an EHCP and I think you need one to be accepted on the course. There may be similar offerings in your area? 🙂

Very good advice - worse thing is for him to get cut off from the world. Places are looking now as all the Uni kids will return soon.

Maybe getting a job would be a good start? My DS achieved decent GCSE grades last year, but point blank refused to enrol on any college course. I gave him an ultimatum; college, move out or get a job. He has been happily working in hospitality for a year, money in his pocket, contributes to the housekeeping and is learning to drive.

You mention DS painted his room to professional standard? Would a painting and decorating course at college, interest him?

Hang on in there, there are plenty of courses out there. Independent living, Pathways to employment etc. Supported internships are good if there’s something he likes the look of.

No one polices or cares about this. Local authorities make calls but that’s about it.

I would HIGHLY recommend an Apprenticeship - they will support his needs and give him a salary and and a qualification. How about a paining and decorating one? Or something else practical?
https://www.findapprenticeship.service.gov.uk/apprenticeships?searchTerm=Painting&sort=AgeAsc

Loads of good advice here. Keep the faith. My neighbours son dropped out of school and drifted for a few years. She was up the walls about it at the time but now at 26 he has a steady job as a locksmith and is planning to move in with his girlfriend. Just try and keep him with a foot in the world: don’t let him retreat to the house entirely.

She actually got some counselling herself for a few years as she found it so difficult to deal with.

If you’re feeling a bit lost about the situation, I imagine your son is too. It might be really good for him if he can get some work as a labourer or alongside & painter & decorator or something as that gives him his “thing” and then, when his friends are chatting about College or whatever, he can talk about what he is doing. It also gives him a chance to escape the College environment which, if it isn’t for him and if school hasn’t been the place for him for some years now, might do wonders for his self
esteem as he’ll
realise there are things he can do and he’ll be getting paid. He’ll probably feel
much more of an adult and as though he’s progressing than stuck at College going around in circles.