Do teenagers do things for themselves anymore when living at home?

[GMV42]

My children are 30 now and have full time jobs/ careers. When they were younger I worked full time during the week. My children washed and ironed their school uniforms when at secondary school, they did housework and their bedrooms only got tidied when they cleaned them themselves.
I see some of my friends whose children do nothing to help around the house. They dump washing on the floor, plates, cups etc are going mouldy in their rooms and do not help out in the house at all.
why do some parents not set their children up for real life?

I never expected by kids to do anything domestically except get themselves ready for school and not to be a dick (so not leave mouldy cups in their rooms). They have all managed to do well, live independently in nice homes and cook and clean to a high standard. It’s not exactly brain surgery is it? They don’t need years of training to do house work.

I wonder if women who expect their children to domestic work, expect the same from their husbands? In our house it was the adults’ job to look after the domestic work. It’s the children’s job to do their best at school.

I have 3 dc. I think all 5 of us doing separate washing loads would be a nightmare. That said, mine clear their own rooms, load/unload the dishwasher and occasionally cook. Dd1 is 17 and most nights does the washing up (just the pans that can’t go in the dishwasher). They’ll vacuum or mop when asked (but we have a cleaner). They aren’t good at tidying their bathroom and gay drives me mad.

Mine are 14-17 and dh and I work full time so dc do have some domestic roles but it’s minimal. I think it’s really important they understand how to cook a meal and have the confidence. Dh does half the chores as we are equals - I only see the martyrs on mn, in my rl experience the women work full time and share household roles with dh. I’m guessing it’s the circles you mix in and like minded people tend to stick together.

It's dreadful if they don't. Their parents are enabling and infantising (sorry, sp?) them by not making them do their own stuff.

I was cooking and buying all my own food from 14 onwards, with a budget from my mum. Then at 18 I worked full time and paid my own way. I got generous gifts on birthday/Xmas. But always own cleaning, own laundry. And helping with anything else you're asked to.

That's the least you should do as an adult living at home really.

My sons are 19 and 17. I've encouraged them to be independent. So they can cook a roast dinner, do the cleaning and wash up. One day they will move out and I don't want them to expect everyone else to look after them

They have plenty of free time watching screens so yes we do expect them to help a bit. DC18 and DC14. Eg

Putting rubbish away
Putting the groceries shopping away
Doing their own laundry
Tidying up their room
Making her own breakfast and lunches; still need to help Dc14 a bit with this but trying to train them.
Helping with cooking dinner sometimes

In fact I would like them to be more independent; eg food planning and shopping for the week.

It is really no a lot as we have a cleaner once a week.

I have an 18 year old. He does his own laundry, makes his own meals if he’s going out and makes a list of food and toiletries he needs from the supermarket. He takes his rubbish out the day before bin day and goes to and from work on his own (no waking him up etc) He cleans his room once a week and this includes hoovering and dusting his room.

DD is 20 - she does pretty much all of the cooking and grocery shopping (Her choice! she enjoys it and is much better in the kitchen than me). Will do own laundry if needed but usually I just put a combined load in since it’s just the two of us at home. Walks the dog most days

Cleaning isn’t a strong point so I do most of it around the house. Her bedroom and en-suite are solely her responsibility though.

Yes, mine cooks for herself, sorts her washing out for us to wash (she can’t access the machine), tidies her own spaces when she feels they need it, and does as much of the housework she is able to do.

It’s not a “then and now” thing. I was expected to do far more around the house than my peers were 35 years ago. It’s just down to different parents doing different things a different way.

My mum expected dad to do his part, but he was ex-army so didn’t need told, and he did most of the cooking. Funnily enough, she never expected my brother to do as much as my sister and I did though.

My 3 teens all have chores that they have to do - sort the dishes out after dinner twice a week, take it in turns each week to sort the recyling, empty all the bins and hoover the hall/stairs. They are encouraged to cook once a week although DD enjoys it so does it more often when she wants to. They are responsible for tidying thier own rooms. I do the washing but expect them to fold and put away. It is expected to keep the house tidy eg put dirty dishes in the kitchen, put things away etc.
Other things are ad hoc eg help with weeding or something.

Part of parenting a teen is to help prepare them for adult hood and that includes cleaning and cooking. Obviously during exams etc they get an easier ride.
The other lesson is that we all live in the house so should contribute to keeping it nice and tidy. In return I am taxi when they want lifts!

My 3 were all pretty good, they did their own laundry from about 14, were expected to keep rooms free of cups/plates and help round the house ie cooking, emptying bins and dishwasher. Oh and walk the dogs.

All have made very independent adults thankfully.

Well I was a single parent so can’t really comment on living with a partner. I just feel that kids that don’t do chores may get wrapped up in an adult relationship expecting their partners to look after them.

Mine are a little younger, 10 and 12. They are expected to keep their bedrooms tidy enough that the cleaner can dust and hoover, if she can’t they have to sort it out and then dust and hoover themselves. They have to pick up their bathrooms (towels folded on rails, no clothes on floor, toilet brushed, toilet roll changed), one empties and one loads dishwasher, sweep and wipe surfaces if they have made them crumby and the 12 year old does one load of washing a week. They are expected to make their own breakfasts and lunches for the majority of the time and if asked to help prep dinner.

we both work full time and I have a chronic illness / some level of disability.

they still have plenty of time for their own stuff and homework, music practice and sports.

Mine just done their school uniforms. I done the rest if it was brought downstairs. I do think it’s healthy for children to start doing a few bits. It is about getting the balance right. My friend’s children are aged 15 - 20 years old and do absolutely nothing. Boils my blood watching their working (full time) parents having to do everything.

Yes! This.

Excellent. That is how it should be.

When I worked full time dds started doing chores (I think around 11/12) they emptied dishwasher once a week each. Cleaned their bathroom, cooked once a week each. From16 they did their own laundry.

Definitely would not rely on anyone. 😊

I think part of the problem now is the pressure the teens are under. Hours of homework and studying every night plus all the Duke of Edinburgh’s/ music/ sport/ debating etc extra curriculars necessary or desirable to get them into competitive university courses. Sometimes it’s like a full time job plus evening shift. It’s not surprising if parents step up to cover the domestic stuff if they want their kids to concentrate on this stuff.

It doesn’t mean they never learn to fend for themselves!

Do you feel peeved by the lack of cleaning?

Yes, especially in school holidays.
My teens cut the grass, empty the dishwasher, make dinner when asked, put away washing, vacuum, iron etc etc. We all dig in.

Housework isn't a skill. Just lack of laziness

I was expected to do far too much too young as a child/teenager and I’ve accidentally gone too far the other way with my eldest. I’m now trying to pull that back which is obviously hard work as they aren’t used to and I’ve created a rod for my own back. I do think there’s a way to create a balance and as children grow up they should contribute to the household and not treat it as a hotel

They do less in school time if they are tired / have loads of homework.